Again, I'm trying to put all the factors and the aspects that make my life to the one I wake up to every morning into a biography that is supposed to give others an insight how, why I do it, and what I do once I am awake.
I wish I could still have the previous version of my bio up without that I'd have to say that it isn't me anymore. I have changed, and with me, everything else. What hasn't changed is that my name is still Christina and I'm still 18 years old, yet three months older than last time.
Currently, I've been going through a lot of changes in my life which is not new to me in general, but this time things have become more difficult for me to live through. Combined with people around me that want me to rather meet their expectations instead of growing into the person I am and developing further, it often feels like if nothing was going anywhere. Yet, remembering that I once felt freedom and what it felt like, is what makes me want to try harder and to have the piece of freedom within me again. I want to break out of the expectations that have been put on me and finally have the courage again to hold my head up. And I'm very determined about that.

I don't go to school at the moment, I dropped out in the end of June. The official reason was that I'd have failed grade 11 anyway. But the main reason I dropped out that school had started to pull me more and more down and I had no control over it. Moreover, I felt that there was nothing I could have ben taught there, nothing that would make an impact or be important in my life. I also highly dislikes the atmosphere at school, that people were reduced to their grades and that everyone trying to compete with others, get better grades, be more successful. The idea of life that was taught there, was not mine. I'd started to realize the difference between other students and me, and the only right thing to do was drop out. It was a difficult decision but none that I regret.
In September, I will go to a different kind of school. I made the decision in late February and loved it, but as I've developed the past few months, I've been less and less looking forward to it. It's my last chance, which I have to use and find the positive things about. At the new school, which I will attend for two years, I will have classes one week and work in social institutions such as kindergartens, youth centers, homes, and hospitals, and that will take turns. I would rather work full time but it seems necessary right now to finish my education, no matter if I see my future job in the social sector or not. My new school will be much different to my old one, and I suppose I'll learn to look forward to it.

I live with my family, which consists of my mom, my dad, my younger brother and our cat. I have a certain feeling of belonging here but have never felt completely belonging to this place or to the people surrounding me, mainly because my parents have a different attitude towards life and their values don't go well with mine together. A person I share a lot of opinions and views on life with, is my uncle. I don't see him very often but when I think of someone who has similar ideas of life, I think of him. I'm very lucky to have someone in my life because I know that no matter what situation I get in, he takes me seriously and is there.

I spend a lot of my free time on the computer, I love looking at personal sites and see what others have created about their life. Especially writing sites are what's kept my attention lately. The way someone writes says a lot about their life and their person, which is something the net often lacks. I like writing myself, from which probably also comes the interest in the writings of others. I like reading books, especially John Grisham and Mark Twain, preferably in English. I like listening to good music, music with lyrics I can relate to. My free time activities aren't very varied, and there are not many exciting ones. Yet, I like it that way.

I work at a grocery store 9 hours a week, and working there is very important to me. I've been working there since April last year, and within that time, I've learned there so much and met so many people that mean a great deal to me. Working there has often kept me going, especially last year because it was an amazing thought for me that people would pay me for my time. Now, it's become to a place where some of the best people in my life work. The difference between them and people at school was that they have completely different ideas of life - they know there's more to life than good grades and clothes, they are more honest and seem to be more 'real'. Work has grown to be more than just a place where I make money.

In the end, all I want to say is that there are changes ahead. Good ones, as well as bad ones. I hope I can handle and deal with the bad ones, and turn them into good ones. For now, this is my life.

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