I've been looking for some nice quotes, longer ones, not only one liners. I found a really nice one of Jack London. Hmm. "I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time." They're playing Bent on the radio, and afterwards they'll play Burn Baby Burn. Sometimes I do believe that there's someone looking out that my life is filled with little moments, little things every now and then that give me a feeling of being complete. Or a part of it. Thinking about it, my life has been pretty good lately. I have come to realize what good friends I have, and I've been concentrating on them more than before. I'm living a good life actually, no school at the moment, I can be lazy and do what I please. Soon, I'll have my driver's license. I just wish I'd have more trust in myself, and more selfesteem. Both is something I can work on, so, I suppose it is on me to change that. I think once you are aware of something, you're on the way to fixing it. I want to, I really do. So much life quality depends on it. I'm so much looking forward to making my license. My mom and I went grocery shopping today, and in the car, I kept watching her feet and what she was doing when, and she kept explaining to me what she was doing. I'm excited about sitting behind the wheel for the first time, I hope my dad will let me try soon. It doesn't look too difficult, and somehow I think I have a feeling for it. And, so many people that are more stupid than me have their license too hehe. I promised Manuel half a year go or so that I'd pick him up in the morning and take him to work as soon as I have my license. He's probably forgot about it, but I'm serious about getting my license as soon as possible. I like the idea of picking him up. He'll be 18 in October or November, so he doesn't have his license yet. At the grocery store, I didn't see Manuel till we were at the check out. Well, actually, when we were through the check out already, I saw him at one of the check outs further in the back. I was just like oh great, but my mom sent me into the grocery store again because she'd forgotten the 20 pound potato bags they had a special offer on. That time, I went to Manuel's check out. I felt kinda stupid, but I suppose that was just how I meant to feel. I don't know. He saw me from a distance and asked how I'd get the 20 pound bag of potatoes home, and I said my mom was waiting outside. I wonder if he'd helped me carry it home, since his grandma lives across the street. I bought cigarettes too, which amused him. We have this inside joke going about cigarettes and smoking weed and about how everyone gets what they deserve. It shows up every now and then in conversations and always makes him and me smile. He joked around and asked me if I was 16 already. I don't take such things seriously, I knew he was kidding. Manuel knows that I am 18. He said he'd get drunk tonight because he'd have tomorrow off, and if I heard right, he said he might go driving too, which means, he's practising for his license. Ha, I need to ask him about that the next time we talk. I checked when I'd work next week, but they didn't have the schedule up yet. I sure hope that Manuel will still work in the department next to me next week. Oh geez. I'd really miss talking to him whenever there's nothing to do during 'work', and knowing I might see him at work always makes me want to go there. I can't help it. It's not just a crush. That's too common for Manuel. He's special, different to all guys I've met. I can't describe it. He's different, different than I am, and yet there's something that makes me feel like if we were so much alike. It's a kind of feeling I haven't had before. We both have totally different backgrounds actually, but yet, there's something that connects us. Don't ask what exactly. Just something that attracts me to him. Not in the way you're attracted to someone you have a crush on. I'll work from 9.30am till 4pm tomorrow. It's supposed to be hot, so I hope that the air condition will work properly for the first time, and that no one passes out, like last Saturday. An expecting woman passed out because of the heat, I hadn't seen it happen but my colleague Mr Ay asked me 'what was up with the woman that was lying on the floor over there'. That's exactly how he said it. And instead of calling 100, the doctor at the grocery store, he kept doing his work and just asked me what had happened. I mean, come on! When I arrived, Petra had already called 100. I couldn't help it, I just found it ridiculous and even funny how Mr Ay had reacted. Oh man.

right now

Thursday July 19th 2001
10.14 in the evening
soda & hungry
'Simon', Lifehouse
talking to Tess
posting at Dodo's IB

to do

call my boss because of a summer job
finish Greymatter at the domain
write to Ryan
clean my aquarium

belonging

Inner Silence
Reach
Shattered Soul
becoming me
The Peace Riot Movement






rings

friends

Grace
Carissa
Ely
Lauren
Rebecca
Tess

linked