Heavy Rain
The rain is hammering against the window. Never was the sky that dark, never did the trees bend to muddy ground. The grass is close to dying and the animals were hiding in the woods. Oh, how empty was this place? My mind stops working; I had to be asleep. This world could not be real, never ever. My stomach gets tense, and tears fill my already red eyes. My whole body feels weak and unable to move. I lay on my bed, hidden underneath eight blankets, too tired to even open my eyes. When would this day be over? When would this heart killing-crying-rainy-loveless-day be over? When?! The voice inside my head screamed louder and louder with every moment, and I cannot stand it anymore. Like millions of needles poking into every single cell of my body, as if someone ripped my heart out, I feel . I want to cry, but my I am out of tears. How could this be happening to me? How could this possibly be true? The thought and the picture are stuck in my mind, and I cannot make it go away; I cannot burn it away. How do I kill this feeling of never-ending lava all over me? Can I ever go on living?

There were so many questions, desires and dreams that would never be answered now. I must be stuck inside of a really nasty nightmare. Last night was more than I could bare. The call, it was too much. My mind was spinning; pictures of the last years come up, pictures of joy and laughter. My friendship could not be over! I know it is not over because the church say love does not end with life; love is eternal. He is watching me right now, he can see me and does not understand why I am crying. My right hand reaches for the blue box , flowers decorating its side, with tissues next to my bed (I refilled it three times last night), but all I grab is the cold thin air. It just wasn't supposed to be my best day, I guess.

My family hadn't seen me for the whole day, and right now they are probably discussing if I need professional supervision. They just do not understand how it tears your heart apart, how your cells freeze and you cannot move because of all the time you spend with a person. No one can understand. Tired of the tears running down my face I remove the blankets from my body and enter the cold human world. It is just another September day; that is what I try to tell myself, but it is not working. As I slowly put my comfortable black pants on and my warm black sweater. By rubbing over my arms, I try to get warmer, but the cold just won't leave. My running nose was close to bleeding by now and my hair looked as if I took a walk through the stormiest day ever. I seemed as if I just got back from hell, and God knows I did. With a shaking hand I opened the door to my room and for the first time in twenty-seven hours I stepped out of it. Was there someone watching me all the time? What is everyone else doing? They did not disturb me when I lay in my bed. My family respected my wish to be alone. I took my first step to get downstairs. The carpet feels soft and it seems to carry me like a cloud. As I get downstairs I see my family looking at me, not knowing what to say. My mother gave me a sad sorry. I do not want them to feel my soul crying for salvation. I do not want them to see that I feel. My mind the pictures of his last moments appear over and over again. I see the rain, the road and the mud. I can see how he lost control over his bike and how the car ran into him. His body is flying over the car and smashes onto the dark gray, wet concrete. Blood is everywhere, my eyes can't stop staring at him. Warm tears are rolling over my face again. All the memories seem so present, and make my heart bleed. The last sweet, heartwarming- teenage love-3hour phone conversations and endless parties are gone. It is the morning after and regrets are chasing me like a hangover. Today I regret so many thing that I would not regret if her was still here. I regret that I never told him that I felt in teenage heaven with him, that he was my best friend and that he made me who I am now. He surely lifted my spirits high, but these spirits left with him. Confusion and grief occupy today, and they will occupy tomorrow. There is nowhere to turn to because he was my shelter, my savior. Even the darkest day became light with him. The hardest step lies ahead of me. The funeral is in two hours, maybe I will find salvation there; maybe I will be able to say good-bye. For every door that closes another will open, and every cloud has a silver lining. This day will end, and hopefully-a better day will follow.

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