A Room With Two Views, Ch. 2

Colors, spinning, fluid, formless. I like these kinds of dreams. They don�t mean anything, but they're so soothing to watch. So nice to listen to-

Good gods, what the hell?! I bolt upright in bed, the sound still ringing in my ears as I hit the floor running. Or rather, trying to run in the overcrowded space that is my room and out the door and up the stairs before I even understand what my feet are doing.

Hush now, don't you cry
Wipe away the teardrop from your eye

Not sure how I got up the stairs, but right now, I really don�t care. My knees are locked up. I�m shaking and I can�t stop. Jim Ellison, Ranger, Cop, all around great big guy, is curled up in a fetal ball on his bed. Screaming.

You're lying safe in bed
It was all a bad dream
Spinning in your head

Nightmares. Oh crap. For Jim this is like hell on Earth. He�s a walking study in repression. Gods only knew what he was seeing, feeling. What door had been unlocked today? What dream world demon was touching my Jim? My knees unfreeze at that, a fierce need overcoming me. No one was going to hurt my Jim. No One.

Your mind tricked you to feel the pain
Of someone close to you leaving the game of life

I move to him, and feel the heat radiating off his skin. Damn, bad one. But what? The jungle? The helicopter crash? No, that would be easy. This is something else. Something more. Good grief, he�s not still worried about me, is he? Who am I kidding? When is he not worried about me? I�m his Guide, but before that I was his pet project, his hobby, his ward. Well, not that bad, but some days I had to wonder.

But the truth is I didn�t mind much. I enjoyed having him fuss over me, and I like having him still do it now and then. I just wish it didn�t have to take me almost getting killed to do it.

So here it is, another chance
Wide awake you face the day
Your dream is over... or has it just begun?

He hides sometimes in his zones, afraid of whatever has him spooked. He�s hard to bring back like this, but this isn�t a zone. This is a nightmare, and he�s afraid. I�ve seen him afraid before, but he isn�t seeing me, he isn't hearing me. Does he even know he�s awake? Is he awake? I can�t tell. I reach out slowly and touch his arm, and he jerks away, and it hurts me. He�s never done that before, not even in his worst zones. Gods help me, what�s done this to him?

There's a place I like to hide
A doorway that I run through in the night

A single tendril of dread reaches out and wraps itself around my heart. Have I done this? Damn it, did I let this happen? I tried to be so careful, tried to notice everything. Supposed to be his Guide, damn it! I�m supposed to keep him sane, keep these kinds of things from happening! What did I miss that was this huge? Can�t stand to see him like this. So scared he�s in pain. How could I let this happen?!

Breathe. Gotta breathe. Can�t have a panic attack right now, not here. Gotta keep it together, for Jim. Never felt this for anyone before. Girls were such a waste, flings, decent sex, but before and after, nothing. I got off, got up, and we always said goodbye, but this is insane. Want to help him, want to make it all go away, but I don�t know how, and I�m so glued to the ceiling right now I practically need a spatula to pry myself loose. Never been good with my emotions, damn my mother, giving me abandonment issues. Love her, hate her, need her, never want to see her again.

Relax child, you were there
But only didn't realize it and you were scared

Jim. Need to focus on Jim. Love how he keeps me on track, how I keep him grounded. Always so strong, so vested. We keep each other sane, but now he�s so afraid he doesn�t even recognize my touch. Can he smell me? I run my hands near his face, forcing my scent on him. He leans toward it, seeking. Yes, Jim, come to me. Come back, I�m here.

It's a place where you will learn
To face your fears, retrace the years
And ride the whims of your mind

I touch his face. He doesn�t pull away anymore. He moves with me, against me, hands reach out and grab at my bare chest and sides. His fingers don�t grip me, but they touch me, flailing slowly, so slowly, like he doesn�t understand what he�s touching. He leans into me, into my touch, my hands on his shoulders, his at my waist and back. Pulls me so close I�m practically on top of him.

Breath mixing, he smells so different than me, so nice, like hard work and safety and home. My Blessed Protector. Gods, Jim, if only you were awake. Is this what you want? Do you want me close? If you do, then why do you push me away? Today was the first time I was allowed to get this close, and it felt so unreal. So does this. Never seen him look so lost, and he reached out to me. He actually reached out, let me reach back, let me in. Wanted me to make it better. All you have to do is ask, Jim. It's all you ever had to do. Want you so bad, want you to want me, too.

Commanding in another world
Suddenly you hear and see
This magic new dimension

Now he really is grabbing me, hard, digging into my ribs. Moving me, leaving bruises. I don�t care. My head�s spinning, drunk off so little sleep, high on him�

I- will be watching over you
I- am gonna help you see it through

Enquieri, take your Guide. Let him show you the path�That voice. I know it, but from where? A cat roars in the back of my mind, lost, afraid, only to be answered by a deep, resonating howl, feels like it�s from my own throat. The Panther. The Wolf. Yes, Jim, come to me. Take from me what you need, and let me take that fear, give you peace. My peace. Piece of me�

I- will protect you in the night
I- am smiling next to you, in Silent Lucidity

I open my eyes, and James Joseph Ellison is looming before me. His eyes glow black in the moonlight, seeing and yet not, so intense, so blinding, can�t look away. So warm, all over me. Jim all over me, holding me above him, captured. His legs caught in mine, he�s moving me, rubbing against me, me against him. Sweet friction, sounds coming out of my mouth I can�t control, yours too, Jim, can�t hear words, just feel your breath, just feel you breathing so hard, your heart racing. Want to calm you. Want to feel you. Want to help you. Have to make you see it�s me. Can�t you feel me, Jim? Can�t you see I love you?

[Visualize your dream]
[Record it in the present tense]
[Put it into a permanent form]

Tell me your dreams, Jim. Your best of the best, let me touch them, hold them to me, bring them to life if I can�

[If you persist in your efforts]
[You can achieve dream control]

Show me your fears, Jim. All of them, not just the ones you can handle, but the ones you can�t. I�ll fight them off with everything I am, keep you safe from them. You don�t have to repress. Just let me in, let me help you.

[Dream control]
[How's that then, better?]

Let me love you�

[Dream control]

Faces touch. My hair falls forward, screening us from the world, surrounding him in my scent, me in Jim. His eyes are clenched shut. Pain? Fear? No, Jim, don�t be afraid. I�m here. I�ll protect you from this�

[Help me]

My mouth touches his. Can�t stop it to save my life. Gods, he tastes so good, so soft, so strong, pulling me to him in a way I�d only felt once before, beside a fountain, when he�d taken me bodily from Death�s hands, breathed his life into me. I move against him, feel his mouth take hold of me, and I know I�m melting. Jim, want you, love you-

If you open your mind for me
You won't rely on open eyes to see

His eyes are open, seeing. He freezes, and does my heart. Oh. Dear. God�

The walls you built within
Come tumbling down, and a new world will begin

Ok, weirdness. He isn�t bolting. He isn�t panicking. He isn�t dispatching me with extreme prejudice. This is good. This is so bad. This is� He�s staring at me. Focused, so focused, and I have to wonder what he sees, what he�s thinking. I can�t tell. He seems so blank, but just beneath the surface I can almost feel his emotions churning. And that's seriously dangerous. When he�s emotional, he can kill without knowing, hurt himself and not realize it until like years later. Jim, man, talk to me. Tell me something, anything�

But he doesn�t, and I realize then that it doesn�t matter. Strong, deft fingers sink into my hair, massaging my scalp and holding me right where I am. Icy blue eyes melt before me, pulling me in so close that I can�t help but push, just a little, my own eyes closing, my body limp, my mind all soft and fuzzy. Fuzzy like the short hairs on his head, so soft. Wanted to touch for so long. Mouth so warm, wet, tongue pushing into me, and I�m letting him. Can�t deny him. He can take anything from me, just as long as he lets me stay, lets me need him. Need him to need me.

Living twice at once you learn
You're safe from the pain in the dream domain
A soul set free to fly

He pulls away and I�m so cold I have to open my eyes to make sure they don�t freeze shut forever. But before I can even breathe he�s pulling me down, pulling me in, holding me close until my cheek is pressed into his bare chest, my own heaving, drawing in air that doesn�t even feel like it�s there.

A round trip journey in your head
Master of illusion, can you realize
Your dream's alive, you can be the guide but...

And this has to be the one and only time that we don�t have to speak. And maybe the best communication we have is silent. I�m a talker, I admit it, and most of the time, Jim goes with. We work around it. But not now. Now, he just holds me, and I can feel him stop shaking, feel him breathe, and this thing washes over me like a tidal wave. It�s slow, but it won�t stop, and it�s so beautiful, I can�t help but pull into it, into him, breathe him in like I know he�s doing for me. One day, he may tell me what this means to him, but I know what it means to me, and that�s enough for tonight. Tonight is for him, and I�m staying for it all.

I- will be watching over you
I- am gonna help to see it through

I pull the covers over us, cocooning us. His hand runs through my hair and down my back, pulling me closer. Yes, Jim, I�m right here, and I�m not going anywhere. I nuzzle further into his chest, feeling his breath move through my hair. Sleep, my Sentinel. I will keep you safe.

I- will protect you in the night
I- am smiling next to you....