"It's never too late to become what you might have been. "
~George Eliot


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December issue


American Town
~Five for Fighting


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the dillama project
sharon's site
web-therapy
awakening


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1.24.2002

Two months, exactly. Since I last blogged, that is. I don't think I have been missed. I have pretty much lost my internet friends around here because I haven't been contributing, commenting or connecting. Life has been a bit fragile and scary so I haven't wanted to bombard my small audience with the bits of madness that I might spew forth onto this screen. I did try to email Krissy a few weeks ago hoping to establish some sort of exchange. She is one of my favorite people on the web! I know her life is pretty busy and intense right now too. So if you are reading this Krissy: "Howdy!" Definitely, my goal is to write more here. But maybe the whole blog thing is just fizzling out for me. I really need to start focusing on my journal--the real thing with paper pages and a cover!

So at the moment I am cooking a chicken pot-pie and preparing for a nice half-hour of "Friends." There is so much to write, but what is the point? I am feeling much better about myself and my life these days. The issues are still here but they don't seem to be as consuming as a few months ago. I am getting back on my feet, dusting myself off and getting familiar with Michele again.

Yeah Me!

reflected Silvergirl at 6:30 PM* link

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11.24.2001

Oh, and...

I want to be in love again. Like the pinched-tummy, fuzzy-headed, hear-my-own-voice-from-faraway, breathless, teen-aged kind. Does that kind ever come back? Or are we supposed to be content with the settled, "yes, I hate how you brush your teeth but your alright with me anyway, honey" kind of love? Does anyone know?

*laughing* Welcome to my drowsy, angsty, lost-in-the-moment world.

reflected Silvergirl at 11:11 PM* link

Still here....

So much to write, so few words and even fewer free moments. The last two months have been difficult, tentative and enlightening. I take life for granted. I want it to hurry and fall into its proper place. That is not life. So why, for all my sadness and woes, can't I see what I need to see. Comfort is a closed and safe place for me. A place I can be more like me. My comforts have been snapped away and I am left with a feeble grasp on who or what I am...and an even looser handle on how to gain my true sense of self. If this all sounds like jibberish...it probably is. Too serious, I am. Need to work on that. I will add it to the list.

reflected Silvergirl at 10:53 PM* link

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9.29.2001

Life is simmering down for a lot of people these days, myself included. We got ourselves moved halfway across the country and now we are hunkered down in my parent's house. It is fine. Period. Not grand or wonderful or heart-warming. But fine. I am grateful for their help and support, but too many emotions arise when I am enmeshed in their day-to-day lives. I don't agree with many things that happen and I don't like being treated in certain manners, but what can I say? I am living in their home. Then again, when have I ever been able to say anything regarding certain family problems? Handling my hurts and frustrations is much easier when there is a distance. I am seeing all the things that were buffered by 1400 miles. It is often hard to deal with. This last week has shown me that I have further to travel in building my sense of self. And at the moment I am just plain tired. I want to lie down and not wake up for a long time.

reflected Silvergirl at 10:27 AM* link

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9.12.2001

When great trees fall,
rocks on distant hills shudder,
lions hunker down
in tall grasses,
and even elephants
lumber after safety.

When great trees fall
in forests,
small things recoil into silence,
their senses
eroded beyond fear.

When great souls die,
the air around us becomes
light, rare, sterile.
We breathe, briefly.
Our eyes, briefly,
see with
a hurtful clarity.
Our memory, suddenly sharpened,
examines,
gnaws on kind words
unsaid,
promised walks
never taken.

Great souls die and
our reality, bound to
them, takes leave of us.
Our souls,
dependent upon their
nurture,
now shrink, wizened.
Our minds, formed
and informed by their
radiance,
fall away.
We are not so much maddened
as reduced to the unutterable ignorance
of dark, cold
caves.

And when great souls die,
after a period peace blooms,
slowly and always
irregularly. Spaces fill
with a kind of
soothing, electric vibration.
Our senses, restored, never
to be the same, whisper to us.
They existed. They existed.
We can be. Be and be
better. For they existed.

~Maya Angelou


reflected Silvergirl at 7:06 PM* link


reflected Silvergirl at 6:32 PM* link

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