Note: General stupidity, mild swearing, second-hand
violence, nothing too bad . . .
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   Part 5: Milo the Two-Legged Dog's Tale of Terror
                   by Ami-chan


I screamed as my environment once again shifted. I was
hoping for hell, or at least some place of sanity.  I
didn't think that was TOO much to ask for.

To my surprise, I wound up in an empty little room.
Nothing, no one.  The walls were blank, the floors
were bare.  What was this place?  And why'd I come
here?

"What?" I asked, quickly filling the silence that was
slowly caving in and crushing me, squeezing the oxygen
from my lungs.  "No demonic spirits?  No sadistic
bastard that wants to carve me into meatloaf?  I
expected at least a rabie-infected animal frothing at
the mouth!"  I sighed.  Still no answer.  My quest to
invite Death had failed this time.  "What now?"  I
asked the wall, for there was no one else to ask.

"Now, you listen."

I jumped, shrieking.  "Who said that?  Who's there?"
Milo the two-legged dog stepped from the shadows.
"Oh, Milo!  I could have sworn I heard-"

"You did."

"Huh?!"  I blinked a couple times, staring into the
calm, familiar eyes of the dog.  "You can talk?"

"Why not?  If a duck can be magical, then a dog can
talk."

"Yeah, sure.  I guess your right.  Why haven't you
talked before, though?"  I crept toward him, reaching
out to scratch him behind the ears as I always had.

"With Crazy Old Gretchen around, I am unable to do so,
and so I must bark instead of talk."

"Poor Milo.  What a horrid old hag she is."

Milo shook his head.  "And that's not the half of it."

"What do you mean?"

Milo the two-legged dog shrugged, whining as he
settled his front half into my lap.  "It's so hard
sometimes.  Not being able to talk to anyone, that is.
I can't make anyone understand me.  And now, you're
here."

"I don't understand..."

He heaved a sigh as I continued to scratch behind his
ears.  "You don't have to.  Just listen.  That's all I
need you to do."

I nodded, once again, greatly confused.  What did he
have to say?  I mean, he WAS a dog!

********

Long ago when darkness had descended upon the world,
the evil person now known as Crazy Old Gretchen caused
her horror.  She slayed mercilessly, commanding her
dark minions that answered only to her.  She was the
daughter of a war lord, and she was destined to follow
in his path.

Despite her wickedness, it might have been stayed only
an Earthly sense of it, had she not discovered Bob the
magical duck.  She decided she wanted the power the
duck head had had, but she had no way to contain it.

Repeatedly, she tried to bring forth Bob the magical
duck's - now Bob the duck head - power, and
repeatedly, she failed.  She grew angry, and
slaughtered more innocent people in a blind rage.  And
then, a thought occured to her.  Why not find a mage
to release the duck's power?

Unfortunately, the only mage with enough power to do
such a feat, refused.  Crazy Old Gretchen asked,
begged, whined, pleaded, and even threatened, but to
no avail.  The mage was an honorable one, and wouldn't
allow the power of Bob the duck head to be at her
command.

So, Crazy Old Gretchen, being crazy, challenged the
mage to a fight.  The mage again, refused, but she
attacked him anyway.  Reacting in self-defense, he
retaliated with a powerful blast of energy which sent
her careening over a cliff ledge.

The mage, figuring she was dead - and even if she
hadn't been, it was only a matter of time and she
deserved it anyway - left.  Little did he know that,
other than two broken legs, a bruised head, and being
extremely pissed off, she was fine.  He also had no
idea what was lurking and had been lurking around
Crazy Old Gretchen for quite some time.

It seemed that Metallia had been waiting for just such
an opportunity for a long time.  So, when she offered
her services to aid Crazy Old Gretchen to avenge her
and gain her the power she was seeking, she agreed.

When next Crazy Old Gretchen met up with the mage, she
was able to defeat him, but not without a major
struggle.  To keep him powerless and under her
control, though, she trapped him in the body of a dog.
Still, this was not enough for her, and with her
perpetually bloody ax - it would have been a waste to
clean it because she simply killed too many people and
animals during the course of the day that it simply
wasn't worth it anymore - she hacked off two of the
subdued mage's legs, cackling wickedly all the while.

Now, with the mage under her power, she had the
ability to control Bob the duck head's powers.
Metallia was soon little more than a pawn in her own
game.  The demon was nothing compared to the power of
unleashed by the duck head, and Metallia had no choice
but to yield under Crazy Old Gretchen's power.

The mage/dog was able to walk through her power alone,
forced to lead the life of a pet.  He could say
nothing with her power restricting him, and she did
not trust him enough to let him go far from her.

After many long centuries, kept alive by Mettallia's
stolen power, Crazy Old Gretchen's power over him
slackened and he was able to roam free at times.  He
could only hope that one day, somehow, he could find
someone that could free him from this curse.

********


"That's a nice story," I remarked, when he had
finished.  "All I had to do was listen, right?"

Milo groaned.  "It wasn't a story!"

"Oh?  Then what was it?"

"It was my life!  It really happened."

I was confused again.  What was he trying to say??
"You're Metallia?"

"No, no!  I was the mage!  Milo the mage!"

"Oh."  Pause.  "Was that the end of the story?"

"It wasn't a story!"

"Whatever."  I glanced around, just making sure we
were still alone.  "Was it the end, though?"

"I should hope to God not!"

"How's it going to end?"

"That's for you to decide."

I continued to gently pet Milo, as his comment slowly
dawned on me.  "Huh?  Me?  Why me?"

"Why the hell not?" Milo returned casually.  "You do
want to help me, don't you?"

"I'm not sure."  I really looked at the dog in my lap
for once in my life.  He was quite large, and a dark
brown color.  His large floppy ears gave his sharply
angular face a soft, cute appearance to it.  His large
teeth might have been quite imposing, were his dark
eyes not so wide and holding that infinitely kind
expression.

"Don't you want to free me and return me to my normal
state?"

"No.  I kinda like you as a dog."  Who knew?  What if
he turned out to be really ugly?  Maybe it was better
to play it safe.

Milo the two-legged mage/dog sighed deeply.  "Let me
rephrase that.  Don't you want me to be happy?"

"Do I?"  I couldn't recall ever saying that I
did...but I could have forgotten or something!

"Do you want Crazy Old Gretchen alive or dead?!"

"Dead."  Wasn't that a given?

"Good!  Then your helping me!"

I nodded.  "Okay."  I stared blankly at the wall for a
moment, trying to remember what had just been said and
what had happened only a half hour ago.  "Why was that
again?"

"Oh, dear God in heaven, help me!"  Milo groaned,
putting his paws over his ears as he whined to
himself.

"What's wrong?"

"You must defeat Crazy Old Gretchen!"

"Why me?"

Milo sighed.  "You are the chosen one.  You are the
only one that has the power to destroy her."

"But how?"

"You'll know when the time is right."

I blinked.  Okay.  "Are you sure?"

"I hope to God," Milo muttered.

"What was that?"

"I said, 'of course'."

"Oh.  Okay!"  As long as Milo the two-legged mage/dog
was sure, then I knew I could do it.  I just had to
figure out how the heck I was going to pull this off .
. .without getting myself killed, preferably . . .
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