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| TRUE STORIES-VOL 1--HE SPOKE TO ME
Written by Karen Payne The strokes that I have had have left a profound effect on me. There are some physical things, but they dim in the light of my memory loss. Whole segments of my life are behind some dark cloud, and I have spent everyday since my last stroke, trying to recall something---anything that will bring back those lost memories. I tell you this, because I have one memory that is the same today as the first day I experienced it. Nothing changes this particular memory...... And for that I am eternally grateful.... And very blessed. That's the day God Talked to Me. We have to go back a few years, to my early forties. My daughter was soon to graduate from high school, I was working at the local hospital, my husband had not yet been diagnoses with his disease, and I was stressed and not feeling the best. I went for a walk. We lived on an acreage near the town where I was born. It was early spring, near Easter, and as I walked down the gravel road I "talked to God", not a prayer, actually; more like I would talk to you. It was confession time for me: I didn't feel that I was being a "Good Christian" (whatever that is), and that I had failed God in so many ways. So I was going through a litany of all my wrong-doings; enough, believe me, to fill several volumes. I haven't always been a "Good Christian". Backslid, a time for "few", and made some major mistakes in my life. Anyway, I was telling God all about how worthless, stained beyond recognition I was, hypocritical and how pointless my life had become. This litany went on and on-------and I honestly think that God got tired of hearing about it. Because HE SPOKE TO ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't tell you the sound of his voice, but it was very real, very strong, and very pointed. GOD SAID, "WASN'T MY SACRIFICE ENOUGH?" Like a lightening bolt out of the sky, my thoughts went immediately to Calvary. Did I really want Him to be whipped ONE MORE TIME for my sins? Did I really want Him to have MORE THORNS in the crown that He wore? Did I really want Him to SUFFER MORE AGONY on the Cross than He already had? Wasn't His Sacrifice Enough? The rest of my walk was with each step a prayer of Praise for what JESUS had done. Yes, Lord, Yes , Lord, Yes, oh Yes. Everything JESUS did, He did for me!!!!! That WAS my cross You were taking to Calvary!!!!! And I learned that by NOT ACCEPTING what He so freely has given, is like PLACING ANOTHER NAIL in His Gentle Hands, PIERCING His Side with OUR DOUBTS, and probing His Brow with the thorns of NOT FORGIVING OURSELVES. Have I failed the Lord since then??? ONLY EVERY DAY !!!! Does He forgive me?????? I have His Word on it!!!!!!!! Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God. 1 John 1:8-9 If we say that we have no sin, we decieve ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. |
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