Part 62
"Why is the ground shaking?" Robin wondered. "It's not like we're in California..." Back to silverchair stuff
"And why is purple mist coming out of the tent?" Kelnino mused. Suddenly, arena rockers Poison jumped out of the tent. "Oh no!" KelNino ducked beneath a picnic table. "Not Poison!"
"Every rose has it's thorn...duh duh duh..." the singer from Poison crooned, as C.C. DeVille strummed passionately.
"Okay, bathroom pioneers! We have to destroy Poison!" Junta stopped doing the hokey pokey and threw her fist in the air.
"Yeah!" the pioneers cheered in unison.
"Dammit, Junta, the hokey pokey set them off - you kill them!" shouted Ash.
Junta went up and started making out with C.C. Within seconds, a strange hissing sound was heard and C.C.'s entire body went limp. Junta let go, and he fell to the floor, dead. She had killed him by kissing him, just like the Shirley-bot in Garbage's video for "The World Is Not Enough!" She then proceeded to finish off C.C.'s stunned bandmates in the same manner.
"Wow!" Daniel squealed. "How do you do that?"
Junta smiled. "Oh, the FBI wants to use me and my powers when I'm older, so they've already retooled me a little. Practice, you know. I'm completely unaffected by the cyanide capsules I slipped into my mouth right before passing it to Poison."
"Poison dies by poison...how funny is that?" dreamer laughed. "Junta, you're the greatest."
"Why didn't you tell us before?" Kelnino asked. "You're my sister for crying out loud!"
"I'm not supposed to tell," Junta explained. "But I figured you might as well know, since you'd have figured it out eventually anyway. Just don't blab, all right?"
"Sure, Junta," the pioneers promised.
"Now where were we?" asked Ash.
"Let's see...Heath's gone bad, Angie's party is over, and we still have to shoot dreamer's video," Ada said. "What do we take care of first?"
"Duh," Daniel said. "Heath. He'll probably come to his senses, but we'd better find him before he falls into the pop crowd." He held a scrap of Heath's shirt to Sweep's nose. "Go find him, Sweep!"
Ten minutes later, the pioneers found Heath boarding a bus to Disney World, spawning ground for N'Stink! Ben and Chris pulled him off the bus, and Junta slipped him some knockout drops. The pioneers got Heath into Jill's car, and drove back to the motel.
"So what do we do now?" Ash wondered.
"Implant a potato chip in Heath's brain and see what happens," Angie said. "I have always been curious about what would happen and no one cares about Heath anyway. We could film the surgery for dreamer's video! Come on, guys, you can't turn THAT down!"
"That's not true....I care about him...I do I dooo!" Jill sobbed uncontrollably.
"Oh, come on, you are like the only person out of a million...you can have him still...I mean after the potato chip," Angie said.
"No, Angie," dreamer sighed. "Videotaping a medical procedure was funny when Marcy Playground faked it for a video, but you know how squeamish I am. I say we let Nathaniel talk some sense into Heath, since he's the most diplomatic of us (lol), and work on the video in the meantime. I still like my idea of tearing through the streets in time to take the stage!"
"So what are we waiting for? Let's do it!" Daniel cheered.
"Great. We'll pick up my video equipment at the motel and let Nathaniel and Heath sort things out there," Ben said.
An hour later, dreamer descended a fire escape so fast it could qualify for a world record, jumped to the ground, and hauled ass around the corner.
"Cut!" yelled Ben. "That was perfect..."
"But I want to put a potato chip in Heath's head! Waaaahhhh!" Angie sat down on the ground and cried pitifully.
Finally, dreamer gave in. "Okay, okay. Go ahead and implant a chip in Heath's head-"
"WHAT?!" Heath interrupted.
"BUT-" dreamer shot a look at Heath. "You can't put the footage in my video. That'd be even more lame than the video for Freak."
(Webmaster's Note: Just for the record, I really love that video.)
"Do you really think it was lame?" Daniel whimpered. "I rather liked it, thought it to be heaps entertaining..."
"Daniel..." KelNino put a hand on his shoulder and shook her head sadly. "The Freak video sucked thoroughly."
"Oh," Daniel wiped a tear from his eye.
"ANYWAY!" Angie snapped as she finished off tying Heath to a dentist's chair and raised her rather sharp-looking tools. "I have to get my operation underway...if you guys would leave the room for a moment...." The pioneers agreed to finish up editing as Angie put a Sour Cream and Onion potato chip into Heath's twisted little head. From the editing room, the pioneers were unable to hear drilling, gurgling, and Angie's evil, gleeful cackling. Several hours later, Heath came out from anesthesia and groggily walked into the editing room. After a few minutes of chatting with Heath, the pioneers realised that the potato chip had dramatically changed Heath's attitude and way of going. He was very pleasant indeed, except for two minor details. He kept trying to braid his nose-hairs, and he smelled like moldy onions.
"Uh...Heath?" KelNino asked hesitantly.
"Hm?" Heath took a break from braiding his nosehairs and attentively turned to KelNino.
"Uh, why don't we have a little birthday party for you?" Kelnino suggested, although she really just wanted an excuse to give Heath a nose clipper and some soap.
"Why, you don't need to go through any trouble for me-"
"Oh no! No trouble at all!" dreamer slapped on a birthday hat after Kelnino whispered her plan into dreamer's ear. dreamer whipped out a birthday cake and soon the table was covered with plates, confetti, and wrapped gifts. The pioneers downed the cake, quickly and gave Heath two small wrapped boxes (containing the cures for his stench as well as his new disgusting habit).
Heath ripped off the wrapper of one box. "Oh! Soap...em, how nice. Oh, smells very nice indeed. Em...thanks you guys." He moved onto the next gift and opened it, observing his new nosehair clipper. "Oh, what a fine idea. Thank you pioneers!" He gave everyone a big hug and thanked them profusely, which pleased everyone. After the party, they immediately sent him to the bathroom to test his new gifts.
"Whew! I wasn't sure how long I could take that smell!" Angie took a sigh of relief. "Hey look, here comes Heath back from his shower...no more nosehair. Thank God!"
The pioneers waved at Heath, who waved back agreeably. And all was well. The Lord instructed them to rejoice. And there was much rejoicing. They rejoiced not only because of the riddance of the smell and his nose hair but also because rockstar had returned! Wait, never mind...no one missed her to begin with. They just pretended that they remembered who she was, hahaha.
So, they went on to debut dreamer's new video on TRL. Suprisingly enough, instead of there being an actual crowd behind Carson, they managed to get all the pioneers in the audience instead! And they were also able to smuggle in 5 packages of egg cartons. Kelnino giggled evilly as she tossed one at the camera man. It splattered all over his expensive-looking TRL leather jacket and all the pioneers joined in KelNino's giggling.
"Okay! What little snot-nosed kid did that?!" the cameraman roared, picking eggshell out of his hair. Kelnino innocently pointed to dreamer. dreamer quickly pointed to Junta, who pointed at Robin, who pointed at Sky as he pinched Dan's butt. Before long, the pioneers were all pointing at each other, leaving the cameraman very confused indeed. But before he could speak, another man in the room called out that the show was beginning in 5...4...3...2...1...
"Hi, I'm Carson Daly and welcome to TRL, where we take YOU, the viewers, and turn you into products of your damn television sets! We have a great show for you today, full of brain-washing goodness and fun! Also, visiting us in the studio this afternoon, we have..."