Part 43
"Wow, I wanna do that..." Daniel said. "Hey, lemme try, good fellow." Daniel scrunched up his shoulders and crossed his eyes. He clenched his fist when suddenly he uttered a cry of pain. "Ack! I can't get my jolly eyes uncrossed. Help me!" Back to silverchair stuff
dreamer attempted to help him - by smacking him across the head several times with the First Aid spray bottle. KelNino and KearBear sat watching, occasionally gasping or murmering "Shocking!" Finally, dreamer ended up fixing his eyes, and when he took his hands away, everyone noticed that his eyes were indeed a different color.
"Wow! He bloody did it!" Robin yelled, very excited about the new talent.
"Oh yeah, well, I have a better power!" KearBear yelled in self-defense.
"What? Throwing bloody rocks *really* hard?" Robin asked.
"No!" shouted KearBear. "I have the power to keep my eyes the *same* color!"
All the pioneers "oohed" and "ahhhed" for a while before shrugging it off and going on with a somewhat normal conversation.
"...And that's why ice cream doesn't have bones!" KelNino said loudly, laughing hysterically.
Meanwhile, KearBear, Flash, dreamer, Shayde, and Robin were all having their own conversation..."Oh, have you guys heard of those 'children's books that never made it'?" KearBear asked. The others shook their heads. "Okay then...here's the first one: 'Pop Goes the Hamster and Other Fun Microwave Games!'" The group laughed. Excited, KearBear kept going, "'Daddy's new wife Robert,' 'Why can't Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical outlet be Friends?'"
"Okay,KearBear, that's bloody enough. I'm getting sick of that," Robin said (he had a very short attention span).
KearBear pouted, then turned around to sit quietly. Flash went and sat next to her, and they continued in their own private conversation. The other pioneers were harrassing KelNino. "Damnit, KelNino! Since when does ice cream not have bones!"
"I dunno." Kelnino shrugged. "Bethany told me."
"Kill Bethany!" Someone screamed.
"Naw, that wouldn't be much fun, guys. And Bethany wouldn't appreciate it much." KelNino said. The group agreed and decided to pick wild berries instead.
"Are you sure these are safe, you guys?" Ada asked.
"Sure they are..." Junta said, pointing to a bush she was picking from. "See? This one has leaves of three. How does that rhyme go? Isn't it 'leaves of three, good for you and me?"
"No," KelNino corrected. "I think it's 'Leaves of three, let them be-"
"Oh shut up, wanker. They taste fine to me!" Robin shoved a handful of red berries into his mouth.
"Well, all right," KelNino said as she swallowed a few herself.
The pioneers ate happily for several minutes before Nathaniel, whose face was stained with berry juice, groaned, "Oooh, I don't feel so good..." He leaned over and held his stomach.
"Me neither..." Robin agreed.
"Dude..." Daniel said. "Robin...your hair is jolly orange! Hahaha! Whoa...look at the sky...hehe...it's moving...wheeeee!" Daniel fell backwards and began rolling around on the grass, giggling like a child.
"Word up, yo! Hehe, west side! Hehe!" KelNino, with a droopy eye and hanging jaw, pulled up a leg of her pants and began talking ghetto. "Hehe, when you come to my hood, hehe, you best bring a towel. Cuz we lay it out like dat. Hehe, word."
As Kelnino went off to pop a cop (or so she thought) the rest of the pioneers participated in a huge fondue dinner, during which they were all heavily stoned. "Pass the mayonnaise...hehe," Kearbear said.
"Here you go, mom. I love you mom..." Sky threw a box of Kleenex at Kearbear.
"This isn't salt!" Kearbear said. "This is nail polish! I want salt! Give me mayonnaise! Hehe, pass the mayonnaise..."
Although everyone else was deeply tripping, Scars had has the sense to stay away from the berries in the first place. So, she decided that while the pioneers were stoned, she'd go to the grocery store and get something better to eat then berries, like sushi, but she couldn't find her way out of the bushes with the wild berries, and disappeared between the bushes like thin air...
Meanwhile, Daniel and Robin were staring at trees wondering if they actually saw a girl on the tree or not. "Dude, I swear, man there was this girl on the tree ya get me man?"
"No..." exclaimed Robin. They both shrugged and turned their heads to Junta who was wildly screaming. She kept seeing slimy scorpions and decided to run to Daniel and knock him out. "Hey where in the bloody hell is Scars?" Robin slurred.
"Dude, I dunno. Wait...dude, who's Scars again?" KearBear asked.
"You don't know Scars?!?" Junta asked, shocked by the question. "You must be going crazy, KearBear! Scars has been with us the entire time!"
"Dude, that's bogus! I would've noticed someone who'd been here the entire time. Right, dude?" KearBear replied.
"Yo yo yo!" KelNino screamed as she came back, "Word up to your mother, KearBear!"
"Dude, that's not gnarly. That's bogus," KearBear stated.
"Yo KearBear, you've seen Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure one too many times dude!" KelNino screamed.
"Up your arse!" Robin said as he picked grime out from underneath his toenails.
"Can I get a hallelujah?!" Daniel randomly shouted.
"Hallelujah?" Kearbear said. "Hehe, word."
"Can a get a HALLELUJAH! Hall-eh-lu-yah..." Daniel continued. "CAN I GET A HALLELUJAH?! CAN I GET A HALLE-#%@$IN'-LUJAH!"
"HALLE-@^#%IN'-LUYAH!" the pioneers repeated.
"All right," Daniel flatly said, before sitting down behind Robin and picking bugs out of Robin's hair and off his back. Just then, Scars arrived back from the wilderness of berries.
"You guys! I just had a vision from Timmy!" she shouted excitedly.
"Hallelujah!" someone shouted.
"Halle-#^@%in'-lujah!" another echoed.
"Er...no," Scars blundered. "He said he wanted us to save his mother. Britney has kidnapped his mother!"
"Can you, like, pass the mayonnaise?" Kearbear asked.
"Junta, can't you use your powers to get you guys out of your trips?" Scars asked desperately.
"What powers?...Hehe...word." Junta was busy humping a tree.
"Junta! Please?!" Scars screamed.
"All right...reverse the berries! Kabang kabash!" Junta waved her arms and everyone had magically emerged from their drug-enduced stupor, all except for Robin. Junta's magic had accidentally turned him into a small leprechaun! "Oh s**t!" Junta yelled after she looked at the small leprechaun standing in front of her. Robin didn't seem to notice that everyone was staring at him - even though he was turned into a leprechaun, he was still pretty stoned.
"Hey guys, why do I have about 4 cans of mayonnaise in front of me? Ew...it's all over my hands...s**t...it's all in my hair. Mayo, gross..." KearBear started.
Just then, one of the mayonnaise jars started to tip over, and mayonnaise started to slowly come out of the jar. Everyone looked as the spilled mayonnaise began to take shape. It formed into the body of a superhero! KelNino gasped. "You're Mayo Man! From my website! How did you get here?" KelNino stared in awe.
"I," it said, "Am MAYO MAN! I came from the depths of a jar of mayonnaise, and was almost eaten by this being!" he said as he pointed to KearBear.
"I didn't do it. I swear. I was trippin'. I didn't see him!" KearBear yelled defensively.
"All right," Mayo Man said in a godly tone, "I forgive you! But none of you must ever eat mayo again! Ever!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Junta yelled as she sank down to her knees.
"Um...yeah...er...cough..." Shayde started.
"Okay! So, I was sent (through this mayo jar) to help you! What am I to do?" Mayo Man asked.
"Well, you can't fool us!" Kelnino shouted. "I know that you're an evil bastard, Mayo Man!"
"Me, heh-heh, evil?" he squeaked. He then added, in a more manly tone, "I am not, er, *cough* evil!"
"Oh yes you are!" Kelnino replied. "I know you were born out of a mayonnaise jar that just happened to be exposed to radioactive particles at the jarring facility! I know that you want to spread the world with your evil, much like you would spread mayonnaise on a ham sandwich! You can't fool us, Mayo Man!"
"Well, then you are all going to die!" Mayo Man shouted. He pulled out a giant butter knife and began waving it around in the air.
"What're you gunno do? Spread us to death?" Robin the leprechaun squeaked. He leapt upon Mayo Man in an attempt to steal away the knife. Mayo Man easily pushed away the wee Robin and moved in on the pioneers.
"Oh no you don't!" Kearbear said. "I have a secret power that can stop you, you evil condiment!"
"No you don't, Kearbear," Kelnino muttered.
"Yeah, don't throw rocks at him, Kearbear. That's just embarrassing!" dreamer rolled her eyes.
"Is there something wrong with a rock-throwing power?!" Kearbear whined.
"YES!" dreamer shouted (her head still hurt).