Part 39
The pioneers all gathered around the computer that Flash was using to break into the commander's files.
"Is it *all* porn?" asked Ada, who was grossed out. Back to silverchair stuff
"Looks like it," said Flash. "Hey, wait, you guys, check this out!"
"Yes!" cried Ash, pointing at the files.
"We can use this against him!" screamed Kearbear in excitement.
"The Commander has a weakness! Boy Howdy!" Ada shrieked in glee. "He can't stand pork rinds!!!"
"How could anyone hate pork rinds?!" Kearbear exclaimed. "They're so crunchy and delicious!"
"Sure, you jolly well say that now! Just wait until a big lot of pigs come running after you, you meat-eating bastard..." Daniel mumbled. The group ignored him, however, as they evacuated the office to pick up some pork rinds at the grocery store.
"So...original or extra spicy?" Kelnino held up two bags.
"Extra spicy! It comes in a pretty bag!" Ada jumped up and down, smiling in excitement.
"Eh...let's get both. After all, if Daniel gets too annoying we'll strap a bag on him to give him a little scare..." Kelnino smiled.
"NOOOO! That's just-just-...that's just cruel!" Daniel buried is face in his hands as his beloved Sweep tried to comfort him. "You people are terrible! How could you-"
"Oh, shut up." KelNino shoved a bag of pork rinds in front of Daniel's face, at which he screamed and ran back to their '74 Camaro in the grocery store parking lot. "Okay...now what. We got to find the Commander, don't we?"
"Shouldn't be too hard...say, Ada, you think you could find him?" Flash asked.
"Sure! By golly, I'd love to!" Ada smiled jovially. She joined hands with Sky and clicked her heels together. As she did this, a magical thing happened.
"Wait!" screamed KearBear.
"What now, KearBear? We need to find the commander!" KelNino barked.
"Didn't Ada blow him to pieces?" KearBear said.
"That's right!" said Flash. "Well, I do suppose he could have pieced himself together fairly well..."
Just then, the commander showed up in the doorway. The pioneers immediately hid behind the desk, under the chairs, and behind the really tacky curtains.
"What the hell are you all doing here?" he asked.
KearBear stood bravely, then ran out of the office puking. The other pioneers stood to see what had happened.
"Bloody hell!" Robin shouted. "He's got his ass on his head, and his head on his ass!"
"Gross..." said Saurus, who still couldn't see. "Where the hell's his mouth?"
"You don't want to know," Ada chimed in.
KelNino whipped out the keys of their '74 Camaro as they all crammed in. The floored the gas and headed for the nearest parking lot exit, but were halted by the traffic director. "Bloody hell!" Robin whined. "It must be our turn already! The wankers!"
Suddenly, the Commander came up along side their car and yanked open the door. He grabbed Flash by the collar and begain dragging him toward a van with blackened windows. "No!" KelNino screamed. She grabbed a pack of original pork rinds and leapt out of the car. Ada, Sky, and Junta followed close behind. Sky tore the Commander away from Flash using his telekinetic powers as Junta used her power of evil mind-whispers to stun him. Without any delay, KelNino shoved the pork rinds into the Commander's pants. Steam began to rise from his ears and nose as he lit on fire. The bathroom pioneers ducked for cover just in time to escape the massive explosion. "Okay, now can we go to someplace safe, Redwing?" KelNino asked impatiently.
"Yeah, sure. Off to KelNino's place on the interstate..."
The group stepped into the portal and managed to safely make it to KelNino's box. The group sat down, exhausted, and just hung out for a while. After a couple of minutes Junta began to look around worryingly. She got up and began to look under the rocks that were lying around, behind KelNino's small TV, and even in the refrigerator. The other pioneers began to notice her strange behavior. "Junta...what in the name of Timmy are you doing?" KelNino asked, annoyed that she was rummaging through her freezer.
"Where's KearBear?? Where is she? She wasn't in the car with us when Flash got dragged, that's why she wasn't saying anything. I mean, I didn't think about it then, but she's not here. She's gone!" Junta screamed.
"Oh my gosh! You're right! She ran out of their puking, and we all just left her! She's still in hell!" Ada said as she jumped up.
"Ack!"
"So?" Daniel shrugged.
"What do you mean, so?" Flash said.
"Well, she doesn't have any bloody powers. Who cares if she's lost." Robin replied.
"True, true..." Junta pondered.
"We can't leave her!" Flash argued.
"Yeah, she's kind of fun, I guess...sometimes, not really. Yeah, okay. Forget her." KelNino said. Flash shot her a terrible look.
"What's wrong with you people?!"
"What's wrong with YOU?" Ada snapped.
"Ada?!" Flash was shocked. "Wait- Ada, were you just wearing a purple shirt? What's going on here...."
Just then, Flash woke up. He looked around. "Ada? KelNino?" He was in a dark room, he felt someone next to him. Looking closer, he saw Kearbear, Ada, KelNino, Robin...everyone. A voice spoke from behind the door "Yeah, the brats got the Commander...do with them?...yeah...kill..." Flash couldn't catch most of the conversation. All he knew was that sometime after they had killed the Commander, they had somehow been captured. Kearbear and KelNino woke and helped Flash wake everyone else.
"We have to think of a plan..." KelNino said. "Hmmm. Hey! I know! KearBear, do you remember, a long time ago when we were at your house you asked if you could bring your bunny Bailey with you?"
"Um, yeah KelNino. I think I've still got her. What does she have to do with anything?" KearBear asked.
"Hello! Anyone in there? We can use her to help us escape! Don't you see??" KelNino said matter-of-factly.
"Oh, right. That does make sense. Okay, does anyone know where I put my backpack?" KearBear said.
The other pioneers searched the room until they found the little black backpack. They unzipped the zipper and looked into the dark depths of the pack.
"Um, KearBear, where is it?" Ada asked.
"Oh, heh. Clap your hands. Then you'll see," KearBear answered.
The pioneers clapped and all of the sudden a bright white light emerged. The groups jumped back in shock and a little glowing grey creature hopped out. The pioneers sighed and relaxed - it was just the damn bunny. KelNino picked it up carefully, so as not to get bitten. She handed it to KearBear who immediately went to what looked like a wall to the outside and placed the bunny down next to it. Soon the bunny started to glow even brighter and the group shielded their eyes from the light. KelNino began humming as the bunny tried with all its might to break through the walls of he cell. "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in..."
"Shut up, KelNino! Shh!" Shayde shushed her.
KelNino coninued singing, and even louder. "For our love, for our fear, for rise against the years and years and years!" Suddenly, much like the wack Guns and Roses concert, KelNino whipped out a guitar and a hard rock live stage rose up.
"Bloody hell! Not again!" Robin exclaimed. Because they were more prepared, the bathroom pioneers huddled together to shield themselves from the mass of BUSH fans that filled the stadium. Lights flashed and the dark room nolonger existed. Robin looked up and gasped "Gadzooks! It's Gavin Rossdale!"
Sure enough, KelNino had turned into Gavin Rossdale, the handsome young singer in Bush, and was singing with that sexy, raspy voice "Got a Machinehead, better that the rest, green to red...machinehead. And I walk from my machine, walk from my machine."
"Jeezus! When will this end!" Kearbear exclaimed as the group made their way to an abandoned corner in the back of the stadium that was once the dark room.
"Wow!" Shayde exclaimed as she looked up at the huge screen aboce the stage with the image of Gavin/KelNino performing. "Gavin Rossdale is even hotter in person!"
"Shut up! We have to find out why KelNino keeps turning into rock stars!" Kearbear screamed over the finishing notes of 'Machinehead'. "Hey, where's Robin and Daniel? Damnit, did they go off into the pits? Stupid boys...argh...okay, let's go find them..." Gavin/KelNino and the rest of Bush had left the stage and the stadium was clearing. The bathroom pioneers searched for KelNino by putting some crows on leashes, commanding them to search for her soul.
"Oh bloody rubbish!" Robin whined, pointing at his crow. "Something is wrong with my bird, the wanker!" The pioneers turned to see Robin's crow doing some sort of dance. No, it wasn't a dance...the crow was playing an invisible guitar!
"Hey, how is the jolly fellow doing that?" Daniel looked at the bird in amazement.
"I think it's his way of detecting Kelnino..." dreamer pondered. "Or he's just a really weird bird." Just then, they heard a commotion coming from onstage. They turned around to see Gavin, Dave, Robin G, and Nigel of Bush walk casually across the stage, talking amongst themselves. The crows went berserk, attracting the attention of the rock band.
"Say..." Nigel laughed jovially. "What the bloody hell are you doing here with that lot of birds? Haha."