Part 33
"Well, that jolly sucks!" Daniel protested. All the bathroom pioneers bowed their heads, but could barely stand the heavy breathing and moaning coming from the intercom. Back to silverchair stuff
Suddenly, Kelnino spoke up. "Holy freaknut! Why didn't I think of that before!"
"What, KelNino?"
"Britney said we couldn't get through the door. Everybody knows you can't get through a door built with some Kosher pickles!"
"So?"
"Well..." Kelnino stared. "She didn't say we couldn't break through the whole wall. Du-uh!" She dashed away down the hall, round the corner. The bathroom pioneers were about to discuss KelNino's idea when the heart haevy pounding coming back down the hallway. KelNino emerged riding a huge brontosaurus! It galloped down the hallway and stoppped at the door. Hey!" KelNino waved. "I'd like you to meet my horse, Hero!"
"That's a bloody horse? He's bloody huge!" Robin looked up at KelNino.
"Of course! And the best one in the whole world too!" KelNino smiled back down.
Robin's eyes scanned downward and landed on something interesting. "Wow, that wanking horse must have a rather large di-" Before he could finish, KelNino had backed Hero up and and bashed through the wall. Plaster flew about and dust blocked everyone's vision. When it cleared, they saw the six sluts escaping through the second door and a rather disgusting-looking pop pimp still strapped to the chair. dreamer ran to his side.
"Hey there," Saurus purred. "Are you a fan? Here...Let me show you the shape of my heart. You know I'll always love you, we'll always be together. We can love each other in the pool. Or maybe the portapotty would be better..." Saurus broke into song, singing like a nightingale. dreamer withdrew, hands over her mouth.
"This is terrible..." she whispered. "My poor Saurus."
Redwing stepped forward. "They won him over, no doubt. I don't know if he can be saved. The curing process alone may kill him. If not, he'll be permanantly crippled or impaired from the pressure of enduring it."
"Anything will be better than that!" dreamer looked down on Saurus. He winked at her.
"Free concert tickets, honey..." He smiled, revealing flashy white teeth.
"Oh, wanking chimney sweep boy. I know I'd rather be dead just looking at the poor old chap..." Robin cringed.
"Then it's decided." Scars confirmed. "We'll truck him over to someplace safe and perform the anti-pop ritual." The group agreed, so they all picked up a corner of Saurus' lounge chair and hefted him to Kearbear's rather large house, where they strapped him to a chair. Redwing went to go the ingredients needed in the anti-pop process. (KearBear remembered this well, it had been done to her. She survived, but had to live her life with twelve toes...)
When Redwing returned, he had the most interesting things. He had tomato soup, ice cream, a Burger King crown (hmm, KearBear didn't remember that, she suspected it was there for fun)...the other ingredients were too complex to be explained.
"Okay, KearBear. You've had this done before. Do you think he'll be okay?" dreamer asked, worried.
"I think so. He may have to live life seeing things in purple," Kear Bear said.
"No!!" dreamer began to bang her head on the wall again.
"Hey, look! Bloody wanking chimney sweep boy! KearBear's got a hot tub! That looks jolly fun!" Robin announced.
Kear bear sighed, "Okay Robin, go if you want to..."
Robin jumped out the window and did an interesting belly flop onto the concrete. "Wheeeeeeeeeeouch...well, that bloody hurt. I suppose I missed. Heh heh - er, cough..."
The rest of the pioneers looked worried and anxious as Redwing began the ritual. He started by taking off all of his clothes revealing a tan, muscular body. dreamer fainted and KearBear went to put her in a place where she didn't have to watch. KelNino flinched. Redwing placed the Burger King crown on his head of now beautifully combed hair, and then started chanting something in Stark (some weird language from the future). The group watched in awe as Saurus had continual muscle spasms and spit dripped down his chin.
"Guys, what's happening to him?" KelNino asked.
"I don't know, I think he'll be okay," Ada answered in an unsure tone.
"He'll be okay. I remember this. We just have to be very quiet," Kear Bear said.
The group then formed a circle and joined hands. KearBear left the room for a minute, then returned with her glowing bunny Bailey. She clapped her hands and the bunny let out a radiant light. Slowly, Saurus's shaking stopped. The bunny hopped on him once, and he stopped all together. Then he sat up. "Guys, what happened to me? And what the heck is this?" he asked.
KearBear picked up the bunny and handed it to KelNino. "Hey, guys, Bailey could help us along the journey. Can we bring her? She not only heals the pop, but kills pop stars!" Kear bear said excitedly.
"KearBear! Why didn't you freaking tell us before? Urghhh! Can you get anymore flakey? Jeez, I can't believe I'm related to you," KelNino screamed.
Just then Robin came back up, his pants soaking wet and see-through, revealing many bananas. The whole group was united again. dreamer went to see Saurus and they had a reunion (blah blah blah). Alcoholic beverages were passed around the room. Saurus was still very tired (he remained seated), so a full, bathroom pioneers-style party never got into effect, but everyone had fun nonetheless.
"Hey Saurus, care for a bongo?" Ben offered while mixing several others for Nathaniel, Daniel, and Robin.
"Oh, yes please. I am-am rather tired..." he answered sleepily. Ben poured a little extra vodka into Saurus's glass and passed it his way. Strangely, when dreamer handed her sweetie the glass, he seemed to miss it entirely and it fell to the carpet. Even more strangely, he didn't bend to pick it back up.
"What's wrong, good fellow?" Robin asked.
"Uh, nothing. Apologies to all..." Saurus bent to pick up the glass, groped around on the floor, but still seemed to miss it entirely. His fingers never came close to even touching the glass.
"I dunno, boy. You seem to be having some bloody eye-hand coordination dificulties. Reminds me of the party after our Summerland gig-"
"Shut up, Robin..." Scars murmered. Everyone's eyes were on Saurus as he gave up trying to pick up the glass. He blushed excessively. "Saurus, what's wrong?"
Redwing looked ever more worried. "It's something to do with the pop cure ritual, isn't it?"
Saurus sighed. "I thought I'd wait until everyone calmed down to talk about it, but I guess it is rather serious."
"What the bloody hell is it, you straight bastard!?" Daniel snapped.
Saurus sneered and, totally out of character for him, yelled, "Well I can't see a %#@$ing thing, a**hole!" The group shrank back at his yelling. Saurus was usually very calm and easygoing, so his aggravation indicated a serious problem.
"What do you mean?" dreamer asked gently.
"The cure, it always has some sort of crippling effect. I guess it just...took my sight..." Saurus returned to his calm nature, a little embarrassed.
"So you're as blind as a wanking bat then? Bloody hell! What are we supposed to do with a blind man? Bloody wanking chimney sweep boy!" Robin threw his head in the air haughtily.
This time, Saurus held back his frustration. He shrugged and said, "I suppose it's best that I return to the future, maybe work at the headquarters for a while - "
"No!" dreamer ran forward and embraced him. "Not again! Britney will find you!"
"The fellow will just get us all killed, walking into walls and reavealing our location and such of that nature." Daniel stroked Sweep as he let his mouth run. The room remained quiet for a moment as the realization sunk in.
KelNino thought for a moment. "There must be something we can do to help him."
"Well, there's no way to give him back his sight, KelNino. What can we do?"
KelNino replied, "Maybe we can't give him sight, but we can give him something else to take the place of it. Maybe radar or something?"
Kearbear jumped for joy. "Golly gee gosh, KelNino! You are so smart!" Everyone agreed that it would be a good idea, but there was a small problem.
"It would take tremendous power to do something like that," dreamer exclaimed.
Sky stepped forward and calmly explained, "Well, if all of us with powers worked together, we could make enough. KelNino, Ada, Junta, you, Ash, Robin, and I all have powers."
Saurus perked up. "You could help me?"
"Well, give you bat-like radar or heat-sense or soemthing of that sort, anyway. It would take the place of direct light vision," KelNino answered.
Saurus was thrilled, so everyone joined hands, Saurus in the center of the circle, as dreamer conjured a spell to give radar vision. It took many hours and everyone came away sweating, but it was successful. Although Saurus would never see a print, type, or art (anything 2-dimensional) again, he could navigate better than anyone in the group. dreamer was so happy that she and Saurus decided to celebrate - again. They took the whole crowd out to dinner, ya know, had some bongos, got wasted, and had an overall great time (sometime during the party, dreamer and Saurus decided to sneak out and have some quality time together. Seriously, the just hung out, talked, and tested his radar-like thingy - they only made out a little).
After everyone was so drunk that they couldn't see straight, they left to go see what the problem was with the world. They got back to KearBear's house, which was the closest place to go, and turned on the TV to find a show called "Pop Stars". KearBear, Shayde, and Ada watched to see who was being corrupted, while KelNino looked on in disgust.
"Guys, how can you watch this? Do you realize that they are singing the very songs that can kill us?" KelNino said in a very annoyed tone.
"KelNino, chill out. We may have to save these poor people somehow, we should at least get to know them," Junta laughed.
KelNino was feeling very alone because everyone was watching TV and not paying her any attention.
"Okay, guys, what is going on here? I mean, you all are acting as if you are in a trance - " KelNino started.
"They are," said a strange voice.
"What? Who are you?" she asked.
"I am the evil voice that has captured your friends and put them in a trance; if they stay any longer, they may become *PopStars. Bwahahahahahahaha!" the evil voice yelled.