Part 30
And she went forth and slept, for a day and the nights following. However, it was not sleep that kept her in bed, but rather a deep trance enduced by Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld. Several times the bathroom pioneers tried to wake her, to no result, and eventually Daniel came to a conclusion. Back to silverchair stuff
"Righty-ho!" Daniel said. "Why don't we continue on?!"
"We're just gonna leave dreamer?" rockstar asked.
"Bloody no! We'll bury her!" Daniel replied.
"But she's not dead!"
"She will be after we bury her! Besides, we all know she's a witch!"
"A witch? Why do you say that?" a confused Kelnino said.
Robin interrupted, "She is a bloody witch! She turned me into a newt!" The group turned around to look at the clearly human Brit, and his shoulders slumped under their stares. "Well, I got better..." he sheepishly said.
"I know!" Daniel shouted. "I know how to tell if she's a witch!"
"We'll burn her!" Heath pitched in.
KelNino spoke aside to Junta. "Where have I heard this before?"
"Bloody wanking chimney sweep boy! I could go for a coconut right about now!" Robin randomly broke the subject.
"But Robin, coconuts don't grow here," Ben explained. "They're a tropical product and we're in the temperate zone. I suppose a swallow could have carried one...oh dear, no, they would be far too small. I know! An African swallow can carry a coconut-oh I forgot, they're not migratory...I suppose two European swallows could carry a cocon-"
"Would you all shut up?!" KelNino was thoroughly tired of the pointless conversation. She was about to continue when dreamer's eyes snapped open. She sat straight up in bed.
Her voice was dry and pitchless as she said "By the pricks of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes." Just as quickly as it had happened, her trance was over. She shook her head and staggered onto the floor. "Man, I'm feeling kinda loopy-oh yeah, Timmy told me that our next mission is to prevent SOMA from closing."
"What's a SOMA?" Kelnino asked.
"It's a drug," Daniel said.
"Say what?" Junta asked.
"Well, it is!" he said. "Haven't you read Brave New World? It's a drug that everyone in the book takes - you know, for *pleasure,* heh."
"Daniel, I doubt dreamer is referring to the recreational habits of characters in a futuristic fictional society," Saurus attempted to explain.
"As a matter of fact, I'm not," dreamer said. "SOMA was an all-ages venue down in San Diego. A lot of great bands have played there - Nirvana, the Smashing Pumpkins, and I think even Hole played there once. Anyway, it was quite popular, but, you know, ticket prices were a little too low and not enough people came to shows to make ends meet, especially after it got moved waaay down to the bay area. I think it actually closed and then reopened for a while before the owner just gave up. It was a few years ago."
"So we're going back in time?" Ash asked.
"Yup. I believe Timmy said 1996, so we can save it from the first closing."
"Should we go now then?" Saurus asked.
"Just a second. I need to stretch first," dreamer said. She turned to Daniel, Heath, and Robin. "By the way, boys, I could hear everything you said, and I ought to smack you. I'm not a witch, I'm a gifted metaphysician. Duh. And Robin, I turned you into a newt for my movie-makeup class. Remember how it washed off?"
"Oh, yeah, now I remember," mused the Brit.
"By the way, thanks for the A," she said as Saurus opened up the wormhole. The pioneers stepped in one at a time, but Ada held herself back. Something was wrong.
"Guys, I don't think you should go in there. It's not going to SOMA," she said.
"Ada, you need to chill out," said KelNino. "You've been stressed out way too long. Nothing is wrong, let's go!"
And with that, KelNino pulled Ada into the wormhole. When the two landed, KelNino realized Ada was right. They weren't at SOMA. They were on the distant planet of sexualintercourse.
"Bloody hell!" Robin pointed to two figures in a shadow doing something than cannot be said. "Are those two-"
"Whoops! Wrong place!" Redwing quickly opened another wormhole and the group tried again (against Robin's will; he was having a jolly time observing the two lovers).
They arrived at SOMA safely and pushed through the double doors into the club. The stage was dark and unlit as the young (attractive) janitor mopped up spilled soda.
"One moment, Mr. Clean!" Daniel shouted to the janitor. The janitor looked up, revealing intense green eyes and delicate features. "Is that mop made o-of synthetic materials?" Daniel probed the Janitor nervously.
"Er-" the Janitor stuttered. He flipped up the mop and looked at the tag. "No sir, made of, uh, wool fibers-"
"Omy-dear-god!" Daniel shouted. He snatched up the mop and started violently bashing it upon the ground.
The janitor stepped away, looking to the rest of the group. "Is there something wrong? I'm just doing my job-"
"Aw, that's just Daniel..." KelNino rolled her eyes. "We'll pay ya back if he actually has the muscle to give the mop any damage. So, who's been playin'?"
The Janitor pulled out a little sheet of paper. "Lets see, there was-"
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Daniel bashed the mop into a bucket of soapy water. It spilled across the floor over Robin's sneakers.
"Bloody hell, Daniel!" Robin shouted. He began to shake off his feet when he slipped on the soap and began to topple over backwards. His hands flew up in the air, sneakers slipping up.
"Stop!" The Janitor stretched out his fingers and flicked the air. Robin stopped, midair, above the wet floor. The Janitor slowly lowered his hand, enabling Robin to settle back to his feet. The bathroom pioneers stared in awe.
"Holy wanking chimney sweep boy!" Robin exclaimed. "That was wickedeebo!"
"I'll say..." Ada agreed. The Janitor blushed and quickly picked up his mop to rush away.
"Yo, dude!" KelNino called. "Where are you going?"
"I, uh, have to finish up my job..." He was clearly nervous. "Look...you can't tell anyone about that. You know."
"Aw, come on. I hit things with lightning, and Ada blows things to dust. And some others in the group too, we can do freaky stuff too." The janitor was very interested. "So, what's your name?"
"Friends call me Sky. Er, who are you people?" He scanned over the large group.
Junta stepped forward. "We're the bathroom pioneers. We are the chosen ones, destined to bring the downfall of pop and the scallies."
"Heaps of coolness, eh?" Daniel said. "Jolly elfs! I have an idea! Why don't you tag along!? We could always use some freak with superpowers-"
"Daniel! Shut up!" Ash said angrily. Sky had lowered his eyes at the sound of freak. "Hey, what's wrong?"
"Aw, it's just that people are afraid of me around here...of what I can do.." Sky replied.
"Well, then let's ditch this joint. Here-" Ash tossed Sky the official bathroom pioneers bath towel set and a bathroom pioneers toothbrush. "We've even got merchandise!"
"Cool, well, what do you guys do anyway?"
"Aw, kill pop stars and the followers of the evil scallie movement. It'll be fun!" KelNino explained. Sky agreed to join (who wouldn't want to be in on the fun?).
"Say!" dreamer randomly broke out. "We weren't called to SOMA to save it! I bet we were sent here to pick up Sky! Haha, my bad. Guess I read my trance dreams wrong. Sorry. Heh heh, on to the next thing I suppose. How about we travel into the past and help the people of the 80s a bit. 80s music is bloody awful."
"Children," Ada broke in, "shouldn't we take a break for Christmas? I mean it is a time of good will and-"
"Aw, @#%& Christmas! It's just another stupid holiday!" said Robin.
"Shame on you!" said Ada, "Now we REALLY need to go back into the past and discover the true meaning of Christmas. And to help us with this task...Daniel..."
With that Daniel pulled out a large sting of garland.
"Daniel you freak! What are we gonna do with that?!" said Heath.
"How about we shove it up..." began Sky.
"Now, now, Sky...we don't mistreat our fellow pioneers. It's not right," said Shayla.
Suddenly Junta began to shake. Something was wrong.
"Uh oh guys...I think we have a case of crabs here," Daniel announced.
"Shut up, Daniel!" KelNino said.
"But that stuff is bloody awful! So itchy and frightful-"
"Not now, Daniel..." KelNino was attempting to comfort Junta, wo was breaking out in a sweat as well as a good batch of hives. "Junta, what's wrong?"
Junta looked up and all could see the awe in her eyes. "I saw it in a vision, a vision from Timmy. Sky, he-he's not what we thought..."
"What the bloody wanking hell is that supposed to mean?" Robin rolled his eyes. "He's a freak like Kelnino and Ada, right? That's all that needs to be said-"
"No." Junta shivered. "He's a special one..." She looked up at Sky longingly. "He's, he's-"
"He's what, Junta?" Ada held up Junta's other arm as she slipped to her knees, staring up at Sky. Sky was noticeably worried, a crease of concern across his smooth forehead.
Junta opened her mouth, looked at KelNino and slowly said "Sky is our brother."
A gasp echoed around the room as heads turned to Sky.
"Well, that's bloody weird." Robin announced.
"Robin, this isn't the time for-" Ada started, but never finished because KelNino and Junta had leapt up and were hugging Sky like their teddy bears. Sky returned the gesture by timidly giving them each a good whack on the ass.
"Uh, I'm your brother? But how can this be? I'm not a whacko...I'm mean I'm not like you..." Sky said quietly.
"Hey, at least we know how you got your wicked cool powers, good fellow," replied Robin.
They all looked at each other as the awkward silence continued. KelNino cleared her throat and said, "Well, we better be on our way to save the 80's from that s**t they call music. What do you say, Sky?"
But Sky could not answer, he had become petrified from the shock and fell over.
"Well, what in bloody hell happened to him? He should fell bloody privileged, the wanking chimney sweep boy!" shouted Robin.
"Chill Robin, go have a banana," said Shayla as she pushed the weakling away from the stunned Sky.
They looked around for a minute at each other wondering what to do.
Then, Daniel and the still hurting Robin came up with an announcement, "Hey, maybe he's the witch, we can burn him instead!"
"No, you freaks (of nature), we have to save him some way," said Kel Nino. "But how?"
They stood around again when Junta came up with the most wickedeebo idea. "Daniel, open your backpack."
"What for?" he asked, evidently more interested in playing with Sweep.
"Just open it! There's got to be *some*thing in that bottomless pit we can use!"
Sure enough, Daniel found a strange-looking bottle. "This looks like it might help...oh, &@$#, the label says it's got to be used by a princess or it won't work."
"Gimme that," dreamer instructed, snatching the bottle out of Daniel's hands. She read the instructions, uncorked the bottle, and sprinkled some of its contents on Sky while softly chanting something in French.
Sure enough, Sky sat up. "So...the 80s?" he asked, still in a bit of shock. "Oh...why the hell not? It's got to be better than hearing more of those Blink 182 clones at the punkfest this weekend."
The pioneers cheered, and Redwing opened up another door. Before they stepped through, Saurus turned to dreamer and whispered, "I didn't know you were a princess..."