Part Three
The concert was finished and it was finally time. Our heroes (and tag-alongs) with the Spirits of Jesus Joplin and Kurt Cobain were now at the entrance of Britney Spears Castle Mansion. There were huge burly guards in pink tank tops guarding the front gate. Back to silverchair stuff
"What'll we do to get rid of the guards?" asked Junta Feo.
"We could tunnel under them" said Ben.
"We could persuade them to let us by by giving them passionate sex," said Daniel.
At that moment, Ada strode purposefully towards the guards, lifted her hands toward them, and pulled their shirts off to find some sort of computer device. It looked as if these musclar, pink tank-topped gaurds were robots. James suddenly noticed that plugs were flowing to the crack of the mansion door.
"Would anyone mind holding these guards down?" James screamed as he held down one of them himself.
"What the hell..." Junta Feo said as it put its foot on top of the guard's robotic head.
"Damnit! Does anyone have a knife?" Ben said.
"Why would you want to hurt these sexy fellows, Ben?" Daniel said, rubbing his own firmly.
The guards grinned a little and walked towards Daniel.
"I see Daniel is the presence of the spot-light today..." Kelnino laughed as she turned to Junta.
"Well, he's not all that perfect, Kelnino..." Junta said, becoming jealous of our little Daniel Johns.
"What do you mean, sister?" Kelnino asked.
"Well, if he was all that attractive, would he really need to flirt with...*cough* computer disked men that we could easily unplug with my knife? It seems Ben and James are the only intelligent people in here." Junta said in a disrespectful manner.
"You hurt my feelings Junta..." Kelnino said, her face pulled down against the gate.
"Awww- I didn't mean it, sister!" Junta replied, trying to make her sister happy again.
"Where's the knife, Junta?" Ben screeched, interrupting the laughing the Feos had.
"Here!" Junta said, glaring at Ben in a joking way.
James grabbed the knife and began to cut each wire as he sang, "I'm Henry the eighth I am, I am, Henry the eighth I am...I got married to the widow next door..."
James cut one set of wires, and one of the burly, yet somehow girlish, guards tumbled down onto Kelnino.
"ACK!" cried Kelnino as Junta dived to help. Kelnino was trapped between the arms of the big robot.
"What'll we do???" asked James.
"We could tunnel toward her," suggested Ben.
"Hey the guard is in a standard frisking possition!" Daniel squealed with glee.
While James cut the wires of the other guard, they had an idea to remove the heavy guard from on top of Kelnino, they would leave her there and treat her as a circus act in order to collect money. Then they could hire some construction workers to remove the robot guard with a crane or something of that sort.
"Jolly good!" James laughed heartily. "What a kick ass idea!"
"Who the hell is James, dammit!?" screamed KelNino while desperately trying to push away the malfunctioned guard. "When the hell did he come into the story?! Dammit, where is dreamer? Where is Robin?! Get this off me! Get it off!!!!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaah!" The robot burst into flames from a bolt of lighting that struck and KelNino threw him off into the air, her muscles tensed and flexed. She breathed unsteadily, he body shaking from the great amount of strength it took to create the explosion. Everyone stared in amazement as the robot crashed to the ground fifty yards away. KelNino went after the second robotic gaurd in a frenzy, literally ripping its head off. The robot jolted once and fell to the ground.
Just then, Robin and dreamer arrived, seeing the last of KelNino's attack.
"Wow, honey. Is it that time of the month? Want me to pick up some Midol at CVS or something?"
Robin asked. KelNino gave him a hug without responding, so Robin took out his banana and continued munching it happily. Ada had zapped most of the Robo-guards with her Nat-O-Destroy vision. Daniel was a bit disappointed at this, so he grabbed the guard off of KelNino, and stragically placed him on top of himself. dreamer made a look mixed of both disgust and amusement. KelNino was glad to have the Robo thing off of her, and proceeded to the warm embrace of her lover, Robin. However, he had been eating sooo many bananas, the smell was completely nauseating, and she had to back away.
"Robin, man, you need to take a bath! And I don't mean with me and your banana soaps! You're grossing me out with all the bananas you've been eating! We have spent so much money on bananas and various other fruits, that we don't have enough money to buy you another pair of those sexy leather pants I love so much!" said KelNino.
James (who had somehow managed his way into this story..) was suddenly shocked when he saw a big green bus heading in the direction of his hometown. Off he went into the distance leaving our heroes once again at the gates of the mansion.
"I get to be the one to kill the whore!" said Kelnino.
"Damn!" said Junta Feo, "You always get to kill the Teeny Queens."
The large group of Chosen, and...unchosen, crept up to the door. Darn, it was locked.
"Now what do we do?" said dreamer.
Ben put his ear to the door and listened closely...
"Oh lord save us! She's playing a Ricky Martin CD!" he cried.
Just then Robin noticed the stereo sitting on a window sill, ten stories up. "Aah! Aah! Kill it!" he cried. Ada immediately destroyed it with another lightning bolt. Then someone poked their head out the window where the radio had been. To the surprise of our heroes, it was Shania Twain in a tight silver tube top and a Dallas Cowboys hat on. Everyone covered their eyes, but it was too late for dreamer.
"AAAAAAAAAAAH! I can't see!" she screamed. "I've gone blind!"
Shania saw the intruders ten stories below her. "Man! I feel like a woman!" she sang, sending everyone to the ground, shrieking for mercy. KelNino managed to summon a lightning bolt to strike the evil superbowl-singing country slut. The silver tube top melted on her and she fell the whole ten stories to splat on the pavement beside Robin, who just happened to be staring at her.
"Is that a banana in your pants or are you horny, babay?" Robin asked.
"It's a banana! See!" Shania said as she took the fruit out of her pocket.
"Oh, well, why don't you just die like Kelnino intended?" Robin asked.
"Because country/pop is two times better than pop. You can't just pop me like a bubble gum..." Shania said, staring at her tube top.
"I see my Kelnino ruined your thingy-me-thingy top..." Robin said, trying to figure out what piece of clothing it was called.
"You may not be full-blooded pop but, I insist that you die beholded in my hands." someone said behind a bush. The sky was becoming dark, so no one could tell who it was.
Kelnino happened to notice who's voice it was and chanted, "Junta junta junta Feeeeeo!"
"What?" Junta said, jumping out of the bush.
"May I see your intent, me lady? You sure are interested in Shakespeare tonight..." Kelnino said laughing.
"I imagine I am furiously angry at the country-pop artist that stands topless before your husband..." Junta mentioned.
"She's topless!?" Kelnino said, turning to see a grinning Robin.
"Robin!" dreamer screamed.
"Why are you speaking with thy, thee and me lady anyway?" James asked, turning to Junta.
"I happened to make love with thee tonight...I thought I felt hostility towards men but, I couldn't see him, so I imagined a lady...I guess I took Black Ballroom's norty roots." Junta said, grinning at the bushes.
Kelnino went over to the bush and happened to find someone crawling behind a tree.
Both Junta and Kelnino Feo were shocked to find out it was Taylor Hanson, who had just survived a sexual assault by a sexy German goddess. "MMMHelp MMMe MMMPlease ba du bop!!!"
"I somehow feel Black Ballroom's presence..." Junta giggled and she was right - suddenly a lightning crashed in a tree next to them and *WHAM* down fell Black Ballroom.
"Umm... hi?!?" she mumbled as she got up and looked down. "Why the #%@* am I wearing a Superman costume... and why is it pink?!??!"
"I think that's my fault..." a sweet voice suddenly said. Everyone turned around. A second later all their mouths dropped open as they saw who was approaching them slowly, riding on Cringer, the battlecat.