Part 26
Meanwhile, Natalie was hurling up cherry pits, so the group decided to call their old friend *DRaVeNiSH CRoW* (aka *KoMBuCHa DRaVeN CRoW*). Ada had missed her Dravenish friend very much and ran up to give her a huge hug. "Hey there! Come to join in the festivities?" Back to silverchair stuff
"Ha, you know it," she laughed.
Nathaniel butted in, "Oh, excuse me, Ms. Dravenish. Have I seen you before...erm, have me met?" he asked politely.
"Oh holy flying &%@$!" Dravenish Crow shrieked. She leapt behind KelNino and, cowering, pointed to Nathaniel. "That's him! That's the Satanic Daniel twin! He t-tried to kill me back in Wicca school! Kill him! Kill him dead!"
Nathaniel was very hurt by Dravenish Crow's rantings and backed away sheepishly. KelNino was angry that the shy Nathaniel had been hurt, so she grabbed Draven Crow, who ran off into the bathroom, where she stumbled upon a very dazed and confused-looking Robin! He was carefully chewing the moldy bits of a very old and brown looking banana.
"What the...?" Crow uttered. "I just left you outside the bathroom!"
"Er...no." Robin mumbled. "I have no bloody clue as to what's been going on but as far as I know I've been sitting in this bathroom since the first Chapter...when Yo Mama played their gig, check it out...this banana is MOULDY dude. I've been chewing it slowly since it does have Daniel's sweat all over it." Robin licked the banana skin slowly.
"Wha...then who is that British charcter outside then?!" said Crow incredulously.
"Dunn..." Robin trailed off as he looked up at the bathroom door, where the malevolent face of himself stared back at him. "Who in gadzooks is this bloody imposter?" shouted Robin from the floor.
The pseudo Robin smiled evilly before wrenching off its hideous Robin mask to reveal none other than Kearbear!
She laughed and said, "Why golly gee gosh everybody! I do believe that I was in that silly Halloween mask for so long that I really did believe that I was the British sissy! Haha!"
KelNino was pleasantly surprised. "Wheeeeeeeeeee!" she screamed.
"That was jolly fun!" Kearbear echoed back. KelNino and Kearber giggled and munchkin-hugged.
Meanwhile, Robin was staring back in shock. "Hold it one wanking minute!" he shouted over the confused mob. "What the hell is going on! Why the bloody wanking mask, dammit?!"
Kearbear smiled wider and jovially said "Why, you silly glowing bunny! It's Halloween! Happy Halloween everyone!"
"Dammit it all! You-You were being me for Halloween?" Robin stuttered.
"No silly!" Kearbear replied. "I'm supposed to be one of the members of KISS!"
KelNino picked up the KISS mask and held it up to Robin's face. After a moment of comparing she said "Okay, now I understand. There is a great resemblence between the KISS singer, if you call him that, and Robbo here. Dear, don't we feel like idiots! Hahaha."
The group broke into laughter, all except Robin. He merely sat there pouting and munching on the banana peel.
Outside, the others had problems of their own. Natalie, who was still coughing up cherry pits, had started to close in on Daniel. She spewed stomach acid and cherry pits all over his shirt.
"Holy wanking chimney sweep boy!" he shrieked. "That stain will never come out! I'm gonna kill you, you slutty sea monkey!" Daniel leapt onto Natalie and began to strangle her. Meanwhile, KelNino and Ada had rushed to the scene. They joined hands, gathered their strength, and launched a full-size biochemical missile at Natalie's breasts. Upon contact, Natalie exploded into chunks of meat. Daniel scrambled away from the pile of guts frantically. "Oh %#$@!" he screamed. "Get it off! Aaaaah! Meat! Ack, meat!" He ran around screaming and trying to pick the chunks of Natalie off of him until Robin took a breath and blew it all away. Robin somehow had managed to develop "wind" power!
"Wicked cool!" said a very astonished Nathaniel. "Can you teach me to do that?"
"Yes, Robin, share with us how you came about with this new power," said Shayla.
"Well, you see, before we got started on this Bathroom Pioneer thing, I attempted to stop Natalie, the same Natalie we just annihilated, from becoming popular. My quest led me to this hilltop laboratory in the city of Townsville with this weird evil monkey in some kind of supervillain suit!"
"You mean Mojo Jojo?" gasped dreamer.
"That's the one. But I needed help, so I called the Powerpuff Girls! They *did* manage to stop her from using a vocal synthesizer - only wanking cheaters use those things - so as thanks for their help I offered to play a game with them."
"What did you play?" Ben asked, grinning.
"You're sick, Ben," junta growled.
"Anyway, they chose Hide and Seek, so I said I'd be It. I was looking in the Professor's basement laboratory and accidentally bumped into a table. This flask tipped over and I tried to grab it before it fell onto the floor, but I somehow got Chemical X spilled on myself instead."
"Wow!" Daniel was amazed. "So can you fly and do you have super strength and all that stuff?"
"Yup," Robin said. "Which should come in handy right about now because those twins from Full House are in the corner!"
"Pardon me..." Nethaniel politely said. "But who are these 'Full House twins' of whom you speak?"
Robin stepped forward to explain. "The Olsen twins...Satan's children, only the most evil creatures this side of the Milky Way."
"The Milky Way?" wondered Daniel. "Isn't that a candy bar or such?"
"It's also the galaxy we're in, Daniel..." KelNino rolled her eyes.
"Oh well, that's jolly good. That chocolate puts on the pounds! I shant ever wish to look like that Chris Farley fellow!"
"Daniel, Chris Farley is dead..." explained Junta.
"Oh really! Wasn't he that funny man in that Candid Camera show you Americans watched so frequently?"
"No Daniel! That was John Candy!" KelNino was beginning to get frustrated.
Daniel put his hand on his hip and said "Well! Here we are back at candy again! That stuff is terrible for you! Here - have some milk!" He handed KelNino a glass of white liquid.
"Daniel, aren't you a vegan?" KelNino held up the glass to the sunlight, inspecting it before taking a swig.
"Oh, jolly yes! That's not real milk, silly! That's that wonderful soy mixture!"
Halfway through a large gulp, KelNino sprayed out her mouthful of soy milk. She leaned over and coughed, sputtering "D-Daniel! You (gurgle) You ass! Soy m-makes me - " But before she could finish, KelNino turned into a 30-foot-long-slug.
"Oh dear..." Daniel said in awe as he stared up at the massive slug. The large sluggish KelNino reversed directions and slimed her way towards the home of the Olsen Twins. She bashed it to pieces, eventually hunting down the twins, and sticking them to her slimy membrane. The twins screamed in horror, much like Robin would in a straight strip bar, until the goo suffocated them to death.
The bathroom pioneers cheered. KelNino returned to her original form after several minutes, so the bathroom pioneers were bored again.
"Quit staring at me!" Robin screamed at Ada.
"I am not, you fruit!" she yelled back.
"What do we do now?" asked Nathaniel. "I want a chance to kill things too!"
The pioneers sat in a daze before deciding to keep moving up the street. They figured there is some evil pop force out to destroy the punk rock world we have worked so hard to create.
"Hey, you guys, did you remember to vote today?" asked the always political dreamer.
"Ummmmm, I forgot," said KelNino sheepishly.
"Voting is a responsibility we as Americans have!" dreamer screamed, getting a little too excited. "We are going to the nearest voting booth right away!" She dragged them toward the polls.
"What's wrong with dreamer?" whispered Ash.
"I don't know but she is scaring me. She's *never* this mean," said Robin.
"Everyone vote for Gore," said dreamer.
"But I want Nader, he wants to legalize pot!" said fireangel.
" NO! You will vote for GORE!" she screamed getting this evil look in her eye.
"I know what's going on," the previously quiet rockstar said. "Gore is your father!"
The pioneers all gasped in disbelief.
"Okay then! Let's vote for Buchanan!" said KelNino.
"Shut up!" dreamer said. "You'll all go to hell if you vote for him!"
"Hell is probably a lot better than here..." muttered Shayla under her breath. dreamer heard the remark and pounced upon Shayla, strangling her.
"Don't mess with my daddy!" she screamed. "He invented the internet! And calculators! Aaaaaaaaaah!"
"He jolly did?" said Daniel (who, being computerphobic, didn't know any better). "Do you think he could invent a stamp dispenser?"
"That's been done, Daniel," Kelnino corrected.
Meanwhile, Shayla was gasping for breath between dreamer's attacks, so Kearbear called upon her glowing bunny by clapping three times. The fluorescent bunny lit up, hopped onto the scene, and rang a small bell. Amazingly, the sound stopped the attacks. dreamer collapsed, gasping for breath.
"Wha...what the hell just happened?" she slurred.
The fluorescent bunny hopped over to KelNino and wiggled its nose. "Really? You think so?" she asked him.
Meanwhile, the other pioneers were trying to explain to dreamer what she had been doing. "Wait...lemme get this straight," she said, trying to sit up. "I was throwing a hissy fit that had something to do with Al Gore and you guys not voting?"
"*I'll* say you were," Shayla said, rubbing her bruised arm.
"That makes no sense! Apart from his stance on weed, I'm a Nader backer, thankyouverymuch. Besides, I'm the only one of us who can vote in this country, and I already voted by mail over the weekend!"
"You can do that in this country?" Ben asked.
"In California, you can," she replied.
Just then, KelNino cut in. "Guys, this is serious stuff. The glowing bunny thinks dreamer was either hypnotized or drugged!"
"But who would want to hypnotize dreamer? And why bring the election into this?" Chris wondered aloud.
dreamer finally managed to sit up. "I think I know how it happened," she said. "Daniel, do you still have that CD those preppie kids gave you - the one you were playing the other day?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Come on. We're going to my house so we can separate the tracks on my brother's computer and get to the bottom of this."