Part 24
They all began to contemplate that when suddenly Steve shouted, "WHAT ABOUT MARK?! My poor little Mark. They're probably testing evil sex moves on him right now! Ohhhhhh! I can't live without MARK!" Back to silverchair stuff
"Oh yeah, your stupid pillow," Daniel said, remembering.
"STUPID PILLOW?! That's my lover MARK!!!!!" Steve screamed.
"We should probably go in and get him," suggested KelNino.
They opened the door, which was no longer locked, and found Mark in the corner all torn to pieces! Sweep was holding some shreds in her mouth.
"Oh my God! You evil dog! You ate my lover Mark! Bad dog! Bad!" cried Steve.
"Don't yell at my princess, you bastard!" With that, Daniel attempted to punch Steve in the gut. Shayla chuckled in the corner.
"Wait, guys, I know who we should fight next. We never got to kill Boyz II Men!" screamed Ada.
"Oh yeah! Well, how are we gonna kill them now? We're no longer in Seatle, where we were SUPPOSED to kill them!" said Ash.
"But you're forgetting something! You, KelNino, and dreamer *all* have supernatural powers! Maybe if you search Daniel's backpack, you can find a book about wrinkles in the space-time continuum or something like that, and use your collective abilities to get it to work or something like that," Ada reasoned.
"That's so crazy it just might work," mused KelNino.
"Now who's gonna check that little spaz's bag?" junta wondered.
After a long pause, dreamer volunteered. "I'll do it. It can't be as scary as retrieving my Victoria's Secret catalogue from my brother's room, and besides, if Daniel catches me, he can't kill me because I'm heavier than he is."
Fortunately for dreamer, Daniel was still fighting with Steve. She pawed through the army-green backpack until she came to a book entitled, "Space-Time Travel For Dummies."
"Now what the hell is Daniel doing with *this*? It's not like he was ever a science geek," dreamer wondered as she leafed through it.
"Beats me," replied Ada. "But it looks like all we have to do is sacrifice the thoughts of someone who isn't using them. Now where can we find those..."
No sooner than had Ada spoken this, KelNino was already on top of someone with a saw in her hand. "KelNino, *what* are you *doing*?!"
"I want the ring off rockstar's finger so I gotta saw her hand off!" KelNino yelled.
"She's gone crazy!" Ben yelled in horror.
"Well, don't just stand there, doofus, do something!" rockstar screamed.
"Like what?!" Chris screeched.
"You pull her off rockstar, I'll do the rest!" dreamer commanded.
Ben and Chris grabbed KelNino and picked her up. This gave dreamer a chance to get the saw out of KelNino's hands. Ada vaporized the blade, leaving just the wooden handle in dreamer's hands.
Junta shook her siggie sister's shoulders. "What's gotten into you? You're never this possessive!"
Meanwhile, Daniel had somehow gotten Steve into a wrestling hold and was torturing him by slowly tweezing his eyebrows - it's not pleasant, you know. Then, worried that KelNino might go into full-blown Linda-Blair-in-"The Exorcist" mode, they forgot that Sweep had chewed up "Mark" and started chanting incoherently. But nobody knew exactly what it was that they were chanting. It sounded vaguely like the lyrics of "MMMBop" but nobody was sure. Well, KelNino, on hearing the Mmmboppish noise, started going insane. (Lol, what else is new :P)
But, to make matters worse, she started to scream about how she needed that ring off rockstar's finger and that it had bad powers. rockstar, hearing this, became frightened and started frantically running around. She ran and hid behind her friend fireangel. fireangel mistook her for a mugger and banded her in the head with her spiked bracelet, leaving Rockstar unconscious on the floor. This just added to the confusion. It all suddenly came to an abrupt end when Kearbear entered the room holding a glowing bunny.
KelNino was excited. "Ohmygod! You found one!" She snatched up the rabbit and hit it with a stuffed animal in glee.
Kearbear smiled and nodded. "Well, actually I stole it from the Atlanta genetic experimental center. But, cool, huh?"
The group huddled around her, observing the exciting little critter.
"Does it come with a glowing banana?" Robin inquired.
"Well, I, er, left that at home..." Kearbear answered.
Robin was crushed. Kearbear tried to cheer him up. "Hey, if you want, we can go to the Wonka factory!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" cried Ash. "I wanna see the Oompa Loompas! I saw them skateboard on TV and I wanna see 'em!"
"We're not going!" said Daniel. "There's no such thing, Oompa Loompas don't skate."
"Wait a second," dreamer said. "We're forgetting something!"
"Oooh, yeah," Heath piped up. "Stopping Boyz II Men, wasn't it?"
"Yup. *That* is why we can't go. Not now, anyway."
"Oh, I say screw Boyz II Men," said fireangel. "I mean, they're no good anyways. Sure, they were big in the early '90s, but they're trying to come out with more hits now and it just ain't happening."
All of a sudden, KelNino's head started to spin in a circle. dreamer let out a bloodcurdliing scream.
"Oh, it always does that," said junta as though it were normal. "There's something you guys don't know about KelNino, she isn't actually human." The group nodded, no big deal. Junta continued. "You see, she was taken from her family when she was eight, had her memory fractured, and was a sort of guinea pig in this experiment deal. They basically screwed her over so badly, that they just sent her to the pound hoping somebody would want her. Actually, that glowing bunny was in the cage next to hers."
KelNino was having a deep conversation with the fabulously luminescent genetically-screwball mammal.
"Oh, really?" KelNino asked the rabbit. "Haha, he did? Wow, I never would have guessed he'd be like that. Well, he did kinda flirt with Mr. man-with-the-needle." The rabbit twitched its nose. "Hahaha! They're going out?! I should have known!" The rabbit scratched it ear with its glowing back leg. "Oh no, the purple mouse died? He was such a nice fellow too-"
"Hey um, KelNino," said Robin. "Apologies for interrupting your conversation, it sounds truly fascinating, but we have something more important at hand..."
"Like what?" replied KelNino.
"Wanking queer! How should I know!" Robin said in desparation. "I'm just repeating what they were saying!"
Suddenly, KelNino burst into flames. "Oh, that happens sometimes, too," explained Junta as she doused KelNino in a bucket of Mountain Dew. KelNino thanked her as Daniel helped her tweeze off her singed eyebrows.
"Hey, did you guys hear me this morning?" she asked. The group had not. "I was on the morning X, you know, of 99X? I was on! How cool is that! Got to talk to Barnes, Leslie, and Jimmy! The whole caboodle."
Despite her enthusiasm, the group seemed uninterested. Daniel was reapplying his compact powder while Ben tried to borrow dreamer's glittery purple platform shoes. The problem was, she was still wearing them, was not amused, and kicked him slightly across the cheek. He looked up to find her glaring straight at him so he moved away - closer to Daniel.
"Dan, I tried getting them for you, but, she was threatening life versus death," Ben whispered.
"You weenie, she hardly even left you a bruise! If you loved me, you would have fought for me!" Daniel hissed as he applied the last coat of nail polish. Junta looked at the couple and chuckled- walking closer to them.
"Hey, Daniel - I heard that dreamer's shoes are made out of chicken feet. Maybe you should try going to PETA for a better boot!" Junta lied.
"Oh yeah - look at you, sexay!"
"Damnit - who was that?" Black Ballroom screamed.
Britney Spears danced a little closer to Daniel and grabbed unto his shoulder - "Oops - I did it again..."
"Ahhhh...get the bitch off!" Daniel whined. Everyone stared at junta.
"No way, guys! Britney Spears raped me before..." junta excused through a tragedy.
"What?" Daniel screamed. "God save the queers!"
Junta raised an eyebrow "Say..." she said. "That would make an awesome song, Daniel!"
Daniel was very enthusiastic. "It would, wouldn't it?" He brought out his 'sexay' red guitar and played around on it while the rest of the group attacked Britney.
"Hey!" Kelnino shouted. "I want the pancreas! I call dibs on the pancreas!"
"Yeah! I call the liver!" claimed Junta.
"Nuh-uh!" argues Robin. "That's not fair! The liver is big! I want some too!"
After several more minutes of arguing, the group agreed to split the shares evenly. They munched away happily upon Britney's gizzards (except for dreamer, Daniel, and Black Ballroom, who didn't want to take any chances) and laid down for a pleasant afternoon siesta.
They were awakened by a large rumbling, like an avalanche roaring down a mountain. KelNino looked around and saw the cause of the noise. "Oh no, Timmy save us! It's the Smashing Pumpkins, and Billy looks just pissed off enough to start smashing *real* pumpkins!"