Something of a Xena Fic by: Doyle
starring:
qc as qcena (pronounced q-see-na, just incase you were wondering:)
LaVelle as Gablavelle
and Liz as Callizto (Cal-liz-toe)
(In the grassy hills of New Zealand)
gablavelle:"qcena, why do you get to ride a horse but I don't?"
qcena:"Because I am the hero and you are the sidekick."
Gablavelle:"Oh. Well, why do you get a sword and all I get is a crappy little fighting staff?"
qcena:"Sidekick!"
Gablavelle:"Right."
qcena saw a village in the distance.
qcena:"Look Gablavelle, it's a small and prosperous village."
Gablavelle:"Oh they all are."
qcena:"Do you want a bed tonight? Or would you rather sleep in the stable with my horse, Argo (who may be male or female)."
Gablavelle:"Well after you burnt most villages in your badass warrior days, I'd be surprised if this one would even let us stay here overnight."
qcena:"I'll just have to convince them to let us stay won't I?"
Gablavelle:"Oh gods, you're gonna put your finger pinch thing on one of the villagers until they let us stay here aren't you?"
qcena:"Nonsense Gablavelle, I only do that to bad people."
Gablavelle:"But...you did it to me last week when we were fighting the hydra."
qcena:"Shuddaup ya face, Gablavelle."
qcena and Gablavelle rode (and walked) into the quiet village. qcena led her horse to the stable.
qcena:"Come on, boy. That'a girl."
Gablavelle:"Are you talking to me, qcena?"
qcena:"No you dolt. I was talking to Argo."
Gablavelle:"Oh. Well I'm tired, qcena, so I'm just gonna go to bed early tonight."
With that, Gablavelle collapsed onto some hay and was asleep. "Ooookay." qcena said to herself and walked out of the stable. She went searching for a tavern. qcena finally found one called 'The Unblinking Eye'. qcena walked inside. Something was *off* about the people in this tavern but qcena couldn't quite put her finger on it so she went and sat down next to a blond female and asked for an ale at the bar. qcena turned around to glance at the people in the tavern again. Men were together in groups laughing in rather high-pitched cackles and women were sitting in each other's laps. qcena turned back around to the bar to drink her ale. The blond next to her finally spoke.
Callizto:"Hello qcena. Remember me?"
qcena was shocked. It was her arch nemesis.
qcena:"Callizto! I thought you died."
Callizto:"I did! And in many different ways. But as you can see, rumours of my demise were greatly exaggerated. Fancy meeting you in a gay and lesbian bar!"
qcena's eyes widened slightly.
qcena:"A gay and...what?"
Callizto:"Lesbian. You know, I never really picked you as one."
qcena:"You kidding? Me and Gablavelle are like the original Willow and Tara."
Callizto:"Who? Anyways, it doesn't matter. I have to go kill people now."
qcena grabbed Callizto's arm as she started to move. qcena quickly removed her hand from Callizto's arm.
qcena:"You can't go kill people. I won't allow it."
Callizto:"What are you gonna do to stop me?"
qcena:"Whatever it takes."
The next morning qcena woke up in a bed. She couldn't remember how she got there but she wanted to find Callizto quickly and stop her from harming anyone. She told Gablavelle to wake up.
qcena:"Since when did you dye your hair, Gab..."
Suddenly she remembered Gablavelle was asleep in the stable and to her horror Callizto rolled over.
qcena:"No, no, no! This has got to be a dream. Wake up," she said to herself while pinching herself, "Ow! Wake up! Ow..."
Callizto:"Wasn't a dream...you vixen."
qcena screamed in horror and was suddenly woken up by Gablavelle slapping her. They were both in the stable. qcena shook the horrid dream out of her mind.
Gablavelle:"We have to get moving, qcena. A cyclops is destroying a village not far away from here."
qcena sighed.
qcena:"Well I suppose we should go save the village."
Gablavelle:"Do you think I could ride Argo with you?"
qcena:"No."
Gablavelle:"Well could I at least have a better weapon than this lame staff? I mean, we're going up against a cyclops. I could die with this being my only defense."
qcena:"That's a risk I'm willing to take."
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