Board Now
by: Doyle
Date Posted: 20:25:36 08/05/02 Mon
Silver is in a cemetery digging a hole.
qc enters the cemetery (recorded laughter is played).
qc: "Damnit, this is *not* a sitcom!"
Silver: "What's not a sitcom?"
qc: "Zactly. So...diggin' a hole are ya?"
Silver: "Yep. And you're going in it."
Glory suddenly appears out of thin air.
Glory: "I could crap a better existence than this."
Silver: "Uh...that's really great, Glory, but I think everyone's overcome with a feeling of, "Who gives a fuck?"."
Doyle steps out from behind a gravestone.
Doyle: "*I'd* wanna be in your crappy existence, Glory! Uh...I mean, your existence that you crapped."
Silver: "That's really sad...and gross."
Doyle: "Look who's talking, person-with-qc-in-her-hole."
Silver turns around to see qc lying in the hole that she had dug.
Silver: "Hey! I wasn't finished! Get outta my hole!"
qc: "You're never getting me outta here."
Liz comes striding across the cemetery like she owns the place.
Liz: "How 'bout I deliver 51 flavours of, "Fuck me, John!"?!"
Silver: "Who *are* you?"
Liz: "I'm Liz. I just said that to confuse you."
SB and B stroll up from seemingly nowhere.
Silver: "SB...you're wearing a dress."
SB: "Yes, I know. Didn't you always wonder why I didn't mind waking up in a dress, Silver?"
Silver: "Well uh...it was a little hard considering when I wasn't me I was you...I mean, when you were me...no wait..."
B: "If guinness were a guy, I'm marry it! Heck, I'd marry it if it were a woman."
Silver: "Okaaay...what is this? Some kind of alternate universe??"
Anya: "Fucked if I know."
Doyle: "Anya! You're here!"
Glory: "You...know Anya??"
Doyle: "Oh me and Anya go waaay back, old friends, very close. Then there was that period of estrangement where I thought Anya wasn't my wife, but now here we are, like old times, I'm quite moved."
Liz: "Is it me or, are you turning into a bibbling idiot?"
Doyle: "No, it's, uh, it's not you."
Liz: "Don't you ever get tired of quoting things from Buffy?"
Doyle: "If I did, don't you think I'd stop quoting?"
Liz: "Good point."
qc: "You're all completely fucked!"
Goatman: "Oh fuck me."
qc: "Already taken care of."
(Recorded laughter is played again.)
qc: "Why do you voices keep laughing at me?!"
Silver: "Voices?"
Liz: "What is it with you and sex, Goatman?"
Goatman: "I like sex. I want it. I need it. I get a little of it. I want to get more of it."
Bracken: "Heads up, Horny!"
Goatman turns his head around just in time to have it hacked off by Bracken. His head rolls along the grass. Silver kicks the head of Goatman into the air, impaling it on a tree branch.
Silver: "I *do* appreciate violence."
B: "Good."
B beheads Sil.
B: "Always wanted to do that."
Sophie comes running into the scene.
Sophie: "You beheaded my wife, B!! Violence doesn't solve a thing."
qc: "I have something to tell you, Nins. Silver and I were having an affair. The truth is...she's *always* loved me and only me."
Sophie: (in disbelief) "What?"
qc: "What can you expect? You were never around."
Sophie: "Well I'm glad you told me, qc."
Sophie picks up a shovel and buries it in qc's chest. qc falls into the hole Sil had dug for her.
SB: "Hold up, guys! What's going on here?!"
Doyle: "Well we all know how Heather and Berry love a good 'Wish'-like melee at the end of things, where everybody dies. Maybe now's a good time for you to say, "Hmmm.", SB."
SB: "Hmmm."
B is horrified as Bracken kills SB.
Glory: "Let's not put the whore in horrifying."
B: "Shut-up, Glory!"
Doyle: "Hey, nobody talks to Glory that way!"
Doyle disposes of B in short order which in turn upsets Sophie.
Sophie: "Mother! (or Daughter) Whichever!"
Sophie throws Doyle head-first into a gravestone.
Anya: "Nobody hurts Doyle 'cept me!"
Anya leaps onto Sophie and starts pummeling her.
Liz: "Enough!"
Liz ends both Anya's and Sophie's lives with purple electricity that shoots out of her fingers.
Liz: "Heh. I'm the only one left. And there's no one in the world who has the power to stop me now."
Scary veiny Liz is suddenly staked from behind.
Giles: "I'd like to test that theory."
Liz turns to look at her attacker and whispers, "Angel?...I mean, Giles?" before she falls to the ground and bursts into dust.
Giles: "Winner and still champion."
Glory: *Ahem*.
Giles turns around just in time to have his neck broken by Glory.
Glory: "I never get tired of doing that."
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