The clouds grew misty and darker as churchbells somewhere in the suburbs of New York clashed together, making a pleasant and peaceful noise. Not in my opinion, though. The bells gave me headaches and I winced, rubbing my forehead slightly to soothe the pain.
The chimes���� they reminded me of something I used to love hearing. Something peaceful��� pleasing���� almost as important as a priest's sermon��� yet it made me feel as if a dozen demons were taunting me���
I crossed the street and started walking, not really knowing where. But I passed by a window shop, and caught my reflection.
I looked like different.
I pressed my fingers against the cool glass, swallowing. I looked at my reflection once again and I shook my head, turning away. My eyes darkened and I felt raindrops pouring down on me. I looked up and felt the tears in my eyes mix with the rain water, and I knew that it didn't matter whether I rubbed them away or not.
I ran to the railway station, ignoring the fact that I was stepping on puddles and bumping into highly respectable ladies who looked at me crossly and whispered under their breathes. But I didn't care.
I stopped right in front of the station and felt a nervous and tingling sensation filling my body, as if something bad was going to happen if ever I crossed it. As if it was foretold that if ever I got on it, I would end up dead or gone. And I felt as if it was real. As if����
I had formed a bond with the thing that would bring me to my death.
I took a step back and turned to run home. But I came to a stop suddenly.
I saw him.
A great, magnificent lion, watching me with sad eyes.
And I felt guilty and scared at the same time.
His eyes bore into mine, even when I sank lower. Time seemed to stop and so did the whole world.
It was definitely fear.
I whimpered and sobbed uncontrollably, punching the wet, cold and bare cemented floor.
"G-g-go��� a-a-a-awa-way���" I said, as loud as I could while mustering up the courage to look at him, my chest heaving. A voice suddenly came in my head.
'Is that what you really want, my child?'
It was the lion.
"Y-ye-yes���" I said. But part of me digressed.
'Daughter of Eve, are you afraid?' My cheeks flushed in anger and I growled.
"YES! YES! Can't you see that??? AND I'M ANGRY AND TIRED AND CONFUSED!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP OR SYMPATHY, ASLAN! I HATE YOU!!!" I cried out, feeling weak and exhausted. I fell on a nearby puddle and winced at the feeling of the cold, cold water. Cold and shallow. Like me.
'So you do remember. But you deny it.'
"YES! I REMEMBER! BUT I DON'T WANT TO! WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE AND JUST LET LUCY, EDMUND OR PETER TO DO YOUR WORK FOR YOU??? I DON'T WANT TO BE A PAWN FOR YOU, AND I DON'T WANT TO GO TO NARNIA, OR ANYWHERE MADE-UP!!! I DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT ANYTHING OR ANYONE RIGHT NOW!" I yelled like a deranged maniac, pulling my hair and curling up into a ball like a weak little girl.
'You have grown. You no longer want to believe in Narnia and relive your joys and laughter, dear heart. And I regret that. I wish you well. Goodbye, daughter of Eve.' I shot up and watched the great lion fade away, his face looking sadder as ever.
Because of me.
"Aslan���" I murmured, wincing slightly as I stood up. Time resumed, and I heard the noisy chatter of people. I hugged myself protectively and sighed as I still felt cold and shivered. My hair was damp and it was heavier by the minute. I turned to look at the station once again, and then to where Aslan stood.
I was condemned to the depths of hell.
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