Stu's Words o' Wisdom
My parents found me on the doorstep. My mom told me it was cause a stork put me there.
My dad told me it was cause my real parents didn’t want me. My dad gave me a gun when I was
seven and showed me how to shoot storks. I liked my dad.
When I was ten I came out of the closet. My friends were really worried and I was the only one
they hadn’t found, and I was kind of sick of playing hide and seek. Plus my ass was getting numb
and the place smelled funny. I wasn’t talking about being gay when I said I came out of the closet.
I’m not gay.
Gay things confuse me. The army’s policy is ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ but why would anyone want
to know if someone is gay. The boy scouts are worse. They kick out kids who are gay. Two things
are wrong with that. First, how can kids be gay? I mean, those kids are under ten and haven’t hit
puberty yet. And second, anyone in the Boy scouts who is over ten is definitely gay anyway.
Kinky sex is the only good sex. When I turned seventeen my parents bought me a brand new red
Thunderbird convertible. I did my women in it. They were always wearing my shiny cuffs. It was hot.
I lied about the Thunderbird. I bought it myself. And it was a minivan.
My friends think I’m wacked cause I like my bitches old. But there’s no denying it - the old ones
are hot. Nothing beats a 50-year-old h-o chained to the bed. Most people don’t realize how well sunspots
go with black leather. And nipple clamps work best with saggy tits. If a woman is whining cause all the
men her age are Viagra addicts and her kids are all out of college, there’s nothing better for her than
a good whipping and a rubber butt plug.
My dream girl is Tina Turner. Damn, she is fine. I would give anything to just to tie her up with my
favorite piece of rope and give her wrinkled ass a good spanking.
Now that I think about it, that whole thing was really gross. In a kinky, horny, tie her up and fuck her kind of way.
This is Stu – thank you and good night. Here Here! Pie is the shit.
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