Fan Fiction
Mystery Pokemon Theater 2000
"N-Trek"In a not- to-distant future,
Somewhere in the blackness of space,
Jolteon and all his pals,
Are caught in an endless chase,
They try to survive, the wrath of Team Rocket,
Who wants to put all the world’s pokémon in pocket
From their headquarters below
They set their sights above,
Just to torture everybody in the poke center of love…
(Jolteon and co: Get. Us. DOOOOOWN!!!)
"We'll send them lousy fan-fics,
The worst we can find. (Lalala)
They'll have to sit and read them all
Until they lose their minds." (Lalala)
Now Jolteon cannot control
When the fan fic begins or ends. (Lalala)
He'll try to keep his sanity
with the help of his Pokémon friends.
POKéMON ROLL CALL
BUTTERFREE!("Bring it on!")
GENGAR! (“Would someone kill that Taco Bell dog?”)
MEOWTH! (“You talking to me?”)
POLIWHIRL ("Have you hugged your pokémon today?")
WEEEEEZING! ("Flame on!")
If you're wondering how they eat or breathe,
And other science facts, (Lalala)
Just think yourself "It's anime,"
And you should really just relax!
It's Mystery Pokémon Theater, 2000 (TWAAANNNGGG!)>N-Trek: A Star Trek / Captain N Crossover
Jolteon: Hold on to your cookies, guys. I think this is going to be a bad one.
Butterfree: (nervous) Jolteon, I'm sacred. Hold me!
Jolteon: (Jolteon holds Butterfree close) It'll be okay. It'll be okay.
Meowth: Wimp.
>...Captain's log: Stardate 4723.6...
Meowth: 47236?! Wahoo!! I won the Lottery!
>...We have been receiving strange signals...
Butterfree: They must be picking up the UPN network.
>...from a dimensional tear...
Jolteon: Darn, there's another tear in my pants. That's the last time I buy Levi's.
>in the Gamma quadrant. The Federation has asked
Meowth: That you not make any more movies as bad as Star Trek: Generations.
>the Enterprise to scan the tear and find out exactly where the signals are coming from. Captain Picard stared at the viewscreen. He and the Enterprise's senior officers were...
Jolteon: Getting into the liquor cabinet. Again.
>...at their stations on the bridge. Data had set a course for the Gamma quadrant shortly after the message from Starfleet. Now the Enterprise was in the Gamma quadrant....
Meowth: Hey, Jolteon, are we sure Mitch didn't write this?
Butterfree: AAAHHHHHH!!! Jolteon! He said the unholy one's name! Make him stop!
Jolteon: No more Mitch, Meowth.
Butterfree: AAAHHHHHH!!! THE NAME!!
>...The tear was in sight, and gradually growing larger as the Enterprise got closer. "Sir, the signals have stopped," Data replied...
Jolteon: This now concludes our broadcasting day.
(All stand and begin to hum the national anthem)>...Suddenly, the bridge shook. Everyone who was previously standing was now on the floor. "It's pulling us in!" Geordi exclaimed, "We can't break
away!"...Meowth: Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo!
>...The bridge shook even more violently as the Enterprise got closer to the tear. Kevin, Lana, Simon, Kid Icarus, Mega Man, and Duke sat in the living room, watching the Star Trek movies. Lana was seated in the middle of the couch, with Simon to her right and Kevin to her left...
Butterfree: (Lana) Hey, you creeps! Keep your hands to yourselves!
>...Duke was laying by Kevin's feet....
Meowth: My, how John Wayne has fallen.
>...Kid Icarus and Mega Man sat on the floor in front of the couch...
Jolteon: New Mega Man Bulk Up Formula! Put on tons of muscle in as little as seven days!
Butterfree: You'll never have to let bullies get away with kicking sand in your face at the beach again!
Meowth: Surgeon General's Warning: Mega Man Bulk Up Formula may cause mood swings, cramps, irritable bowl, and a fondness for Kenny G songs.
>...The Star Trek movie they were currently watching was Star Trek: Generations, the seventh movie...
Meowth: Generations? Oh, where do I start? Kirk's hairpiece? His overacting? The uselessness of Troi?
>..."Are all Earth movies as good as these?" Lana asked...
Jolteon: (Kevin) No, I've got one called Manos: Hands of Fate, which is much better.
>..."That depends on what your interests are," Kevin replied, placing his right hand on Lana's right shoulder. Suddenly, the TV screen turned black, then blue...
Meowth: What? Does the TV have a chameleon circuit?
Butterfree: I guess they must have got it at Doctor Who's garage sale.
>..."What the-" was all Kevin could say before he and the others disappeared...
All: YAY!!!
>..."Is everyone okay?" Captain Picard stood up...
Jolteon: (Data) No, sir. We all still appear to be trapped in this horrible fanfic.
>...A shocked look grew on his face...
Meowth: Picard has a growth on his face? Eeeewww!
>...Will Riker, Deanna Troi, Geordi LaForge, Beverly Crusher, Data, and Worf were missing....
All: Waaahhhoooo!!!
>...Only he and Wesley Crusher remained on the bridge. "Where'd everyone go?" Wesley asked. Seven lights appeared on the bridge and Kevin Keene, Lana Deschain, Simon Belmont,...
Jolteon: Not to be confused with Diana Belmont.
>...Kid Icarus, Mega Man, and Duke materialized...
All: (singing) Duke, duke, duke, Duke of Earl, duke, duke,
>..."Where are we?" Lana asked....
Butterfree: (Dorothy) I don't think we're in Federation space anymore, Toto.
>..."If I'm not mistaken," Kevin said, looking around, "We're on the Enterprise 1701-D!” He walked over to the ship's captain, "And you must be Captain Jean-Luc Picard!"...
Jolteon: (Picard) Actually, I just play him on TV.
>..."Welcome aboard," the Captain replied, "And you are?"...
Meowth: A bunch of losers from a bad cartoon nobody remembers.
>..."I'm Kevin. Kevin Keene," Kevin introduced himself....
Butterfree: But you can call me 'Cindy'.
>..."I'm Lana, ruler of Videoland,"...
Meowth: And Miss July '99.
>...Lana shook the captain's hand. "I'm Simon Belmont, Vampire hunter. At your service," Simon said...
Jolteon: (Simon) I was going to be Simon Belmont the Vampire Slayer but that Buffy girl had the copyright.
>..."I'm Kid Icarus. Nice to meet your acquaintance-icus!" Kid Icarus replied...
Butterfree: (Porky Pig) T-T-That's all, folks-icus!
>..."Mega-hi! My name's Mega Man," Mega Man also shook Picard's hand...
Meowth: (Mega Man) Mega-Will you be my mega-friend? My mega-special friend?
>...Duke trotted up to Picard and began licking his hand. "That's Duke," Kevin chuckled, "We've heard all about you, your crew, and the ship!"...
Meowth: (William Shatner) Get a life!
>..."Well, now that we've all met," Captain Picard replied, "I'm sure you'd like to see more of the ship." "Would we!" Kevin exclaimed. It was a statement, not a question....
Meowth: If this isn't Mitch it must be one of his evil minions.
Butterfree: THE NAME!!! THE HORRIBLE NAME!!!
Jolteon: Stop it, Meowth, or I'll make you listen to that Culture Club CD Hypno sent us.
>..."Mr. Crusher, would you mind giving our guests a tour of the ship?" Picard asked "I'd love to," Wesley lead the N Team down one of the
ship's hallways...Meowth: And into an airlock.
>..Gameboy, Stacey Anderson, Rick Walker, Mike Vincent, Julius Jones, and Romeo Roberts stared in disbelief as six people materialized before them. The first was male. He had brown hair, blue eyes, and a mustache and beard. He wore a red and black outfit...
Butterfree: It's Grizzly Adams in a dress!
>...The second was female. She had wavy dark brown hair and brown eyes. She wore a purple outfit....
Meowth: It's the Purple Witch!
Butterfree: That's SCARLET Witch. Get your Avengers right!
>The third was male. He had dark skin and wore a visor over his eyes. His outfit was yellow and black...
Jolteon: He so wanted to be a dancer on Global Groove.
>...The fourth was female. She had red hair and blue eyes. She wore a blue and black outfit...
Butterfree: Agent Scully was having a bit of a fashion crisis.
>...The third appeared to be male. He had pale skin, brown hair, and yellow-gold eyes. His outfit was also yellow and gold...
Meowth: My God! Data has joined the cast of Cats!
>...The last was male. He had brown hair, brown eyes, and a beard. Ridges ran up the center of his forehead. His outfit was yellow and black. The newcomers viewed their surrounding with curiosity and confusion. "I
don't believe it!" Rick Walker exclaimed...Jolteon: Walter Matthau and Jack Lemon live in the same house?!
Butterfree: They canceled Card Captors already?!
Meowth: Someone thought Car 54 Where Are You? would make a good movie?!
>..."What happened?" The woman in the purple outfit asked.
Meowth: Oh, just a ridiculous plot contrivance used to move the story towards its end. You know, the usual.
>..."Duh, what's going on?" Julius asked. "Don't you recognize those people?" Rick asked, referring to the four people who had materialized in the living room just a moment ago,...
Jolteon: (Rick) They were on America's Most Wanted last week!
>"That's Will Riker from Star Trek! The others are Deanna Troi, Geordi Laforge, Beverly Crusher, Data, and Worf!" Rick walked into the living room and shook Riker's hand excitedly. "Who are you and what's going
on?" Riker asked...Butterfree: (super perky voice) We're the Central High Pep Squad and we were just going to do a cheer. Want to join in?
>..."Just call me Rick," Rick said, "This is Stacey, Romeo, Julius, and Gameboy. We were kind of hoping you could tell us what's going on."...
Jolteon: So nobody knows what's going on? This is just like every other fanfic we've had to read.
Meowth: (singing) Nobody knows the fanfics I've seen...
>..."Where are we?" Dr. Crusher asked...
Butterfree: (Data) In yet another terrible fanfic, doctor. Please pay attention.
>..."Videoland," Stacey answered....
Jolteon: That's right! When you join Videoland you get three rentals for the price of one!
>..She and the others told the Starfleet officers everything they knew about Videoland...
Meowth: Which wasn't much.
>...The officers sat down on the couch and the group explained all that had happened in the past few hours....
Butterfree: (Worf) So there I was, standing in a field, naked, holding a sheep, and the cop says-
>..."This is the Ten Forward bar," Wesley led the group to the counter where a woman he called Guinan was serving drinks to various people...
Meowth: (Wesley) This is where the crew comes to get hammered after having to take orders from old chrome dome all day.
>...She smiled as the group approached. "What have you been up to?" she asked...
Jolteon: (Wesley) The usual. Being annoying and saving the ship every episode. You?
>..."Just showing some guests around," Wesley replied....
Meowth: (tour guide) On your left you'll see the Back to the Future ride. On your right yet another souvenir stand selling overpriced crap.
>..."Would you like a drink?" Guinan asked. "Not right now, but thanks anyway," Wesley replied. He turned to the N Team...
Jolteon: (Wesley) Oh no! You guys are still here?!
>..."This concludes the tour. Feel free to explore the ship."...
Meowth: Wait, they're just going to let complete strangers wander around the ship?
Butterfree: (Spock) That is most...illogical.
Jolteon: It's a Star Trek crossover, guys. Logic has no meaning.
>...He then walked back to the bridge. "What do we do now?" Kevin asked...
Jolteon: Try and steal as many towels and photon torpedoes as you can
before check out time.>..."I think I'll mega-check out the holo-deck," Mega Man said, heading toward the holo-deck. Kid Icarus followed...
Jolteon: (Mega Man) I mega-hear they mega-just got in mega-Frogger.
Butterfree: (Kid Icarus) I bet-icus I can get a higher score-icus than you-icus!
Jolteon: (Mega Man) Mega-can mega-not!
Butterfree: (Kid Icarus) Can to-icus!
>...Simon ordered some Klingon blood wine and sat down at a nearby table...
Meowth: (Simon) Hey, this blood wine tastes like Tang!
>.."I'm going to talk with the captain. Maybe he'll know a way to get us...
Jolteon: Tickets to Metallica.
>...back to Videoland," Lana walked off toward the bridge...
Butterfree: (Lana) And maybe he'll let me rub his head for luck!
>..."Well, boy, I guess that just leaves us," Kevin said to Duke, "How 'bout we go check out those guest rooms. "I'm getting kinda tired." Kevin and Duke headed toward the guest rooms...
Meowth: I wonder if the Enterprise has those vibrating beds.
>..."Anyone know how to get these guys home?" Rick asked. He, the rest of the N Team, and the Enterprise's senior officers sat in a circle in the living room floor, trying to think of how to get everyone back in their own universe...
Jolteon: But they weren't having any luck so they decided to play Monopoly.
>...Just then, Guts Man,...
All: Gross!
>...Cuts Man, Elec Man,...
Butterfree: Elec Man?
Jolteon: Election Man?
Meowth: Ross Perot?
>...Snake Man, Fire Man, Ice Man,...
Butterfree: Iceman? Is this turning into an X-Men crossover?
>...Junk Man,...
Jolteon: The Junk Man? Why are they dragging Astro City into this?
>...Charge Man,..
Meowth: The guy on the American Express card?
Jolteon: Don't leave your home universe without it!
>...Centaur Man, Slash Man,...
Meowth: Yes, Slash Man. The Internet’s number one defender of slash stories.
>...and Skull Man,...
Jolteon: Skull Man? Sounds like someone who would open for Marilyn Manson.
>...entered the room and began firing at the group...
(The pokémon start to cheer)
>...The N Team members attacked the robots with...
Butterfree: Pieces of wax fruit and bottles of Snapple.
>...their weapons while William Riker, Beverly Crusher, Data, Deanna Troi, Worf, and Geordi LaForge fired...
Jolteon: Super-soakers.
>...their phasers. Within a minute, the robots were nothing but scrap metal...
Butterfree: (supermarket loudspeaker) Clean up on Aisle 567-FG3!
>..."Wow!" Rick exclaimed, "Those phasers really kick butt!" "Now, like, let's get back on the subject," Stacey said, "Does anyone know how to get these guys back home?"...
Meowth: Sure, all they have to do is get on Route 37, go west until they reach Vulcan, then swing a right and they're home.
>..."Have you tried a universal warp?" a voice outside the room asked. "Q? How did you get here?" Riker asked....
Meowth: (Q) I just caught the bus at 38th street. How'd you get here?
>..."I can go anywhere," Q answered,...
Jolteon: (Q) Even the girl's locker room. Wanna see?
>..."You are here because your ship ran into a tear in the dimensional fabric...
Butterfree: (Ricardo Montalban) The dimensional fabric is made from r-r-rich Cor-r-IN-thian leather.
>...This wasn't a normal tear, it was a warp to this universe. In order to get back, the Enterprise must run into the same tear."...
Jolteon: Ow! I banged my head on that dang dimensional tear again!
>...With that, he disappeared...
Meowth: Now if this fanfic would just disappear.
>...What do we do now?" Romeo asked...
All: Kegger!!
>..."Wait, I guess," Geordi answered....
Jolteon: Geordi Laforge, man of action!
(All start to hum the 'Indiana Jones' theme)>..."Why don't we talk to the Enterprise?" Julius asked....
Butterfree: (valley girl) We don't talk to them because they are so, like, last year.
>..."Like, how do you talk to someone in another universe?" Stacey asked...
Jolteon: I'm guessing long distance.
Meowth: Yes, with AT&T's new long distance plan you can call other dimensions anytime and receive great savings!
>...Rick thought for a moment before snapping his fingers,...
Meowth: (Rick) Hey, when you snap your fingers it makes a noise! Cool!
>..."Julius! You're a genius! Maybe Dr. Right and Li could build a communications device that could reach other universes! We can give the doctors a visit tomorrow!"...
Butterfree: (Rick) We'll get to sit in the waiting room for hours and read eight month old issues of Time and Golf Digest! It'll be great!
>..."What'll we do until then?" Romeo asked. Rick stood up, stretched, and yawned, "Sleep."...
All: ZZZzzzZZZzzz…
>...Our guests can have the others' beds." Kid Icarus, Mega Man, and two cadets entered the holodeck. Mega Man, with a little help from Mark, one of the cadets, had programmed a game similar to the robot master
lairs in the Mega Man series. Two teams of two would go through the maze, each through a different path....Jolteon: Until they were all horribly lost.
>...If both teams made it to the center room, they would battle each other until...
Jolteon: Until one of them was crowned King of the Ring!
Meowth & Butterfree: Wrestlemania!
>...one team was defeated. Mega Man and Kid Icarus were one team. Mark and Laurie, the other cadet, were the other team. Mega Man and Kid Icarus reached the center room first. This particular lair was designed like
Fireman's....Meowth: It's a fire station?
Jolteon: Don't try to make sense out of a fanfic,
Meowth. You'll only hurt yourself.
>...The cadets didn't take very long to reach the center room. The battle was relatively short, since the cadets were low on energy and their weapons weren't as powerful as Mega Man's....
Meowth: Jeez, that was shorter than a Tyson fight.
Butterfree: I can't believe we spent $49.95 for pay-per-view!
>..."That was kinda fun," Laurie replied. "Where'd you learn to shoot like that?" Mark asked Mega Man...
Butterfree: (Mega Man) At my old job at the post office.
>..."Practice," Mega Man replied...
Jolteon: Dear god! He said something without mega in it!
>...Suddenly, the ship shook. Everyone who was previously standing was now on the floor...
Meowth: They were and the floor and they were breakin'!
(Meowth begins to do the Robot)Jolteon: Yep, the fanfics have finally destroyed his brain.
>..."All staff please report to your stations!" Picard's voice sounded through everyone's comm-link. "That would be us," Laurie replied as she and Mark exited the holodeck. Mega Man and Kid Icarus hesitated, then followed...
Butterfree: (little kid voice) Wait for us!
Meowth: (little kid voice) Yeah, we wanna to go to!
>..."What's going on-icus?" Kid Icarus asked. Captain Picard, Wesley Crusher, a few cadets and ensigns, including Mark and Laurie, and the N Team were all on the bridge. The viewscreen showed the strange-looking green ships...
Jolteon: It's Galaga! I love that game!
>..."We're being attacked by Klingon bird-of-preys!" Mark replied...
Meowth: (Picard) Again with the Klingons! Always with the Klingons!
>..."What're they clinging on to?" Laurie asked...
Butterfree: Hey, that's our line!
>...The ship was jolted by one of the ship's lasers. "Mr. Slater, arm photon torpedoes," Captain Picard ordered...
Meowth: Slater? Please tell me this isn't going to turn into a Saved by the Bell crossover!
>..."Already done, sir," Matt replied...
Butterfree: Done? It's Done? Thank God! (Gets up and starts to walk away)
Jolteon: Sit down, Butterfree.
>...Picard nodded, "Fire at will."...
Meowth: (Picard) And when you're done firing at Will I want you to take a shot at Wesley.
>..."What if Will don't want to be fired at?" Matt asked as he fired the torpedoes at the closest ship...
Butterfree: Jolteon, they're stealing our riffs! Make them stop!
Jolteon: (Fargo voice) Hey you kids, it's not nice to steal other peoples riffs dontyaknow.
>...The ship exploded. The other two ships were destroyed the same way...
Butterfree: They hit an iceberg and took Leonardo Dicaprio to his death.
Jolteon: And they called that a tragedy?
>..."Is that all of them?" Lana asked...
Meowth: (John Wayne) Yep, we got ‘em all, little lady.
>..."This is exactly like the show," Kevin muttered...
Butterfree: No it's not. The show was actually good.
Jolteon: What about "Angel One" and that Robin Hood bit?
Butterfree: Well, it was good most of the time.
>...In Dr. Right's lab, Dr. Right and Li worked on the Communications device...
Jolteon: They wanted HBO but they'd be danged if they were going to pay for it.
>...It was nearly done. It just had a few finishing touches that needed to be added to it. "I think we're done," Li replied...
Butterfree: I hope this story is almost done.
>..."So do I," said Dr. Right, "Now to test it."...
Jolteon: (Dr. Right) It's not working. I wonder-- Oh, silly me. I forgot the batteries!
>...The N Team, Captain Picard, and Wesley Crusher were standing on the bridge talking to each other when the image on the viewscreen changed to static...
Meowth: No! Not during the playoffs!
>..."Captain N..hear me?" Dr. Right's voice was breaking up...
Jolteon: (hypnotist's voice) You are getting sleepy. Very sleepy. Now take off your pants and act like a chicken!
>..."Dr. Right?" Kevin was puzzled. "He must have found a way to reach us here," Lana replied...
Butterfree: Boy, Lana sure is observant.
Meowth: (Lana) Hey, there's something at the bottom of my ankles! I think it might be my feet.
>..."Listen," now Rick was talking, "You need..find..tear..dimensional fabric..home," Rick's voice barely got through...
Jolteon: This song sucks. Somebody change the station.
>..."Dimensional tear?" Simon asked...
Butterfree: Sounds like the name of a Cure album.
>..."The tear in the dimensional fabric that took our senior officers and brought you here!" Wesley exclaimed. "We need to run back into it to get everyone back to where they should be!"...
Meowth: (Picard) Very good, Wesley. We'll do just that. Now why don't you go take your medicine?
>..."Make it so, Mr. Crusher," Picard ordered. Wesley set the coordinates and set the warp to maximum. The Enterprise took off in search of the tear. "I hope they heard us," Rick said. Everyone was seated on the living room floor...
Meowth: Because all their furniture had been repossessed.
>...All there was to do now was wait and see if they had been heard. Suddenly, without warning,...
Jolteon: If something happens suddenly, isn’t the fact that it happened without warning a given?
>...a strange light enveloped the Enterprise's senior officers and they disappeared. In their place stood Kevin, Lana, Simon, Mega Man, Kid
Icarus, and Duke...Meowth: (Rick) Nuts! I thought we were rid you guys!
>..."Hey, man, you're back!" Rick shook Kevin's hand, "You won't believe who was here!"...
Butterfree: It was Big Bird, Elmo, Bert, Ernie, and Cookie Monster!
Meowth: Where was Oscar the Grouch?
Butterfree: In the can.
>..."We'll talk about our weird experiences later," Kevin said...
Jolteon: (Kevin) I've been having weird experiences lately. My voice has started to change and I'm getting hair where I didn't have hair before.
>...He walked out of the living room, "Right now, "I could really use a nap...
Meowth: And I could use a Valium.
>...GAME OVER!
All: Wahoo!!
Jolteon: Come on, guys. Let's get out of here.
The End!
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