imsorry

I clutched Joni's hand in mine, cold tears streaming down my face. Standing beside him on the hospital bed, I refused to believe what was happening. Joni looked small, weak, and helpless lying there on the crisp, white sheets. The color of his skin glowed pale and there were shadows under his fading brown eyes. His dark brown hair resembled dull, dry leaves as they lay on the pillow beneath him. I hated to see him like this, so sick, so not full of sunshine like he always is.
"Sai..." Joni said, his voice barely above a whisper and so strange I couldn't believe it belonged to him. I leaned closer toward him so I could hear what he was saying. "...I'm sorry we won't be able to walk on the beaches like we used to," he began. The tears continued to flow down my cheeks as I listened.
"Or stare at the sky and wish we we would travel distant places together beyond the universe. I'm sorry we won't be able to ride together on a boat in the clear waters of the gulf and we won't be able to go fishing again," Joni confessed, a sad expression in his eyes and in his face. "I'm sorry we won't be able to hike in the tropical forests and see all the beautiful plants and flowers and hear the singing of the birds or imagine the forms of the clouds as they roll by above us."
"I'm sorry I'll never get to teach you how to play the drums or show you how to play paint ball. I'm sorry I'll never get to taste your world famous noodles and your chili pepper papaya salad," he revealed, a heaviness and dismal tone to his voice. Pain pierced my heart and I felt like I was swallowing a thousand needles. They perforated and poked me. Tears rolled from the corners of Joni's eyes and stained the bed sheets. He raised his other hand to wipe the teardrops from my face.
"I'm sorry we won't be able to dance under the stars and hold each other in our arms. I'm sorry we won't be able to whisper sweet words into each others' ears or laugh without a single worry in the world. I'm sorry I won't be able to have you close, to touch your soft skin, to kiss you goodnight, and to make sweet love with you," Joni whispered. I touched his face with my other hand and traced the outline of his jaw. I wanted nothing more than for him to be well and for us to be together again and I knew he wanted the same thing. I began to shake as he coughed and struggled to breathe. Oh God, please help my Joni, I frantically prayed. Joni stared at me as if drinking me in for the last time.
"I love you, my sunflower, always remember that," he said and managed a smile. I noticed it took him every effort to do so. I tightened my grip on his hand and leaned in even closer.
"I love you too, Joni," I replied, my voice a whisper like his. He smiled at me again and then his eyes began to close. As it did, I kissed his lips, which were soft despite his condition. I stayed that way for a long time, not moving, not breathing. Holding his hand tightly in mine and pressing my lips to his.
"Wait for me, my love. We will unite where flowers bloom every day and the singing of angels can be heard from every corner of the earth. Wait for me," I whispered, softly.