| Stefan. The name of that man makes me sick. It once brought me comfort, knowing that man loved me, even when my own mother had abandoned me. It brought me peace. I grieved for him when he died. My heart ached and yet I know now that it was only one of his games. He thought he was protecting me. That's his excuse for everything. Now he's standing in my mother's office, telling her to convince me to listen to him. Gia sucks in a breath as she sees him. Gia. I look at her quickly, noting the change in her posture and face. After months of living with her, I've begun to notice these things. Like now. Behind her eyes I can almost see the rapid motion of thoughts swirling through her head. Quick comebacks that she'll say to Stefan in my defence.I'm thankful that she is still beside me, just like she was earlier. I can still hear the comments she said to me: You're jealous. That's your problem. I'm not jealous that Lucky took her pictures. Why should I care that my brother knew that she was having a trial test shoot? I don't care that she didn't include me. I mean, she needs other friends, but I liked that I was the one she told everything to. The one she confided in. But . . . I am mad that she didn't tell me the truth. I know I reacted badly but that was only because she had just said that our kiss wasn't "earth shattering." I thought it was pretty damn earth shattering. I was angry with her and I behaved badly. I know that, but I'm certainly not apologizing for it. She did lie to me. Besides, if I apologize, I'll be vulnerable to her. I'll lose any control that I have when she's in the room. I can't behave like that. I've lost too many people in my life, I can't allow anybody to get close, because one day, they'll leave. They'll die and then come back to life again, just like my mom and Stefan. I don't want to let Gia hurt me emotionally. I need to protect myself from Gia. I need to remain in control. Gia's different today. I saw it when she made comments about Elizabeth to Lucky. They weren't her usual harsh comments. They were friendly jabs. Comments Lucky would say to me about Gia. Not that Gia and I have the relationship that Lucky and Liz have. Gia doesn't think of me that way. When I offered to escort her to my mom's office, she was shocked, surprised even. Does she not think I support her? Does she not see what she does to me? Maybe it's good that she doesn't. I think Lucky understands our relationship better than we do. He seemed to understand that we share harmless comments because it is what keeps our relationship stable. The comment about Gia not being a romantic and about me wanting to know, is what we are made of. It's what keeps us from focusing on the underlying sexual tension between us. Not that I've noticed any sexual tension. I almost feel as if we have become creatures of instinct in an effort to deny any feelings we may or may not have. I wasn't even conscience of the fact that I grabbed her hand when I was talking with Stefan. I didn't even realize that I did it not because I was trying to make a point to Stefan, but because I needed to feel her next to me, to feel her support. Our hands seemed to fit together perfectly, almost as if they came from the same mold. When our hands separated, I felt lost, alone almost. I don't understand how she can do this to me. I could see the question in her eyes on the way to my mother's office. It scares me that I could see it and knowing that she wasn't about to ask, choosing instead to rattle on about the millions she'll earn for landing the Face of Deception job. I had interrupted her to answer the unspoken question. "I trusted Stefan. I loved him, probably more than anybody," I had told her, afraid to look at her. "He was the one constant in my life. The person who loved me for being me and he was honest with me. He lied to me. A man who had cared for me my entire life had made his own decisions. He had decided what was best for me and he lied to me about everything. That's why I can't forgive him like I could forgive my mother." I blink out of my daze, forgetting the events of the day and I focus on Stefan once more, the man who makes me sick, who has begun to make parts of me numb to pain and deception. Parts that are no longer whole. I feel as if I've been standing there for hours thinking about Stefan and Gia, but I know it's been seconds. Time to prepare for battle. Time to make our presence known, to try and end his relentless pursuit of me. "Give it up, Stefan. The 'Helena excuse' does not work any more - certainly not with me," I say loudly, watching as Stefan turns, my mother pales and revelling in the odd sense of comfort I feel with Gia beside me. Let the games begin. Charisma |