InSearch of Josephine

First of all I have to say that my search for Josephine started several years after I was married. I couldn't remember when my name, Josephine, was used by someone. What I mean is....Mom, Mommy, Mrs. Silva, Hon, or Babe was all anyone called me. I missed having my own identity. I thought for awhile and realized that my identity started to disappear when I married. I was John's wife and my childrens mother, but I was not Josephine anymore. I needed to hear my name spoken, I needed my own identity. So, I started back to college. I married 9 days after I graduated from college. It was a good place to begin my quest.

I enrolled in a community college and took a painting class and a class designed for women re-entering college. It proved to be a great place to start. I found that I was not the only woman looking for her identity. I even discovered that I had a talent for painting.

It was not easy to attend school with people my childrens age. I was shy, if you can believe that, overweight, and a bit scared. The first semester I received A's in my classes...so... the next semester I decided to adventure into an English class and begin taking classes that would get me into a state university. It seems that university classes change around every 7 years and the classes I had taken 18 years before... were not acceptable as transferable classes.

I started taking 15 to 18 units of classes Believe me when I say, it was not easy studying and writing papers for class, doing homework, and still cooking and cleaning house and keeping the budget straight, and most of all being a good mother to 3 teenage kids. The demands to do the perfect job at all those things was almost more than I could handle at times. Studying for tests was probably one of the greatest obstacle of all. I would study and then I couldn't remember what I had studied. Writing a term paper was another challenge. All I had written in 18 years was an occasional letter. My reading skills were there, but retaining what I had read was not there. My greatest accomplishment in 18 years was baking super tasting chocolate chip cookies.

I can't say that John was very encouraging at first. He thought I was nuts going back to school and that I would drop it quickly. To tell the truth, he put as many obstacles in front of me that he could. The tougher things got, the tougher I became. I got over feeling self-conscious about my age and weight and trudged on always seeking my goal. I wanted to find Josephine. I wanted to know if she existed anymore.

After 2 years of community college I decided to go to San Jose State University. I applied for an art scholarship from The Fremont Art Association and won it. The scholarship paid for my first semester tuition for San Jose State and away I went. By then I knew how to study again and I had a lot more self-confidence in myself.

But, before I finish telling you about the community college I must tell you about my art teacher at the community college. I had finished my first painting and was about to start another when the teacher told me not to paint any little old lady pictures. I asked him what he meant by that and he replied a picture with vases of flowers. I thought about that comment for awhile and in a few days started my second painting. It was a painting of a male nude. HA! The teacher saw me starting my new painting and came over to see what I was painting. When he saw what I was doing he just looked at me and never said a word. I thought to myself...that'll teach him to not judge a book by it's cover. HA! I wasn't a little old lady and till the day that I die I will not be a little old lady. HA! Gee, it feels good to say that. :)

By the time I graduated San Jose State University and received my teaching credential in art, I had discovered Josephine. I found what I had lost so many years before. I discovered that I was a worthwhile person. I liked my determination and my outlook on life. I liked who I discovered and from that time on....I've liked myself. Oh yes, I am still gray haired and I am still overweight, but I am a super person full of enthusiasm and not afraid to take on any challenge.... I have laughter in my heart and always on my lips.
I am the best that I can be....today!

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