Baby Picture

I have been sitting and looking at a picture of myself. I was six months old...laying bare-butt on a rug. I sure was a cute baby. I had my whole life ahead of me. I know I had no idea what was in store for me. Probably all I cared about was a clean diaper and a warm bottle of milk.

But here I am now....64 years old and way more years behind me than I have ahead of me. Did I live my life to my full potential...or did I cop-out and take the easy way. What dreams did my folks have for me? Am I all that I could be...or have I been all that I could of been?

I went through school trying to do my best most of the time. After graduating college I married and had four children...three lived. I did my house work and cooked and sewed and kissed boo-boos and saw that homework was done...paid bills and kept the budget straight. I tended my families needs....but did I do my best?

I really didn't achieve any great station in life. I am an ordinary person who lived an ordinary life. Was I meant to be an ordinary person...or was I meant to do great things?

A daughter who doesn't speak to me...a son that is a mental patient...a son that I have no idea where he is, who is on drugs. Just what kind of person am I? Did I do the best that I could...doesn't seem like there is any evidence to show I did the best that I could.

All my adult life I have looked for peace. Sometimes I have the peace I seek...but it is for a brief moment at a time.

So really...who is this person who started out life so cute and adorable? Am I black inside and wear a false face for others to see? Am I secretly hiding a dark part of myself...or am I what you see?

I walk away from discord...if a situation is over my head...I walk away. But if my loved ones are at stake I fight tooth-and-nail for them. I am sassy sometimes...see the funny side of things...but my feelings are easily hurt...I cry at movies and I laugh too loud.

One proof I have that my life has been worthwhile is something my grand-daughter wrote in my birthday card....she wrote "I love you more than there is air on earth." I guess that is all the proof I need.