ANGER
When I was a child it seemed there was so much anger around me. It seemed like there was never happiness or fun for fun sake. If there was any kidding it always seemed to be sadistic kidding ...never just fun and laughter.
As an adult I have had problems with anger. Anger has always scared me...when I got angry or when someone else got angry. If I am in a room when anger is being shown I become upset and sometimes frightened. I would do anything in order to stop someone from being angry. Even to the point of putting myself in harms way to protect the person that the anger was being directed.
Showing anger is always a problem. I don't know how to deal with anger in myself. Most of the time I walk away from a person who makes me angry. Never seeing that person or talking to that person again.
Thinking about anger...I am thinking that anger doesn't come from pride...it comes from ego. Pride is what makes us do better...or what makes us brush our hair or be the best that we can be. Ego is the part of us that gets dented and makes us angry. Ego is the part of us that makes us feel superior or better than others. The part of us that wants to show-up others or makes us want to see others failure. Their failure becomes our high. It isn't hurt pride that makes us mad...it's ego dented that makes us angry.
I say dented ego because I think ego is a hard shelled part of us that can be dented and we react with anger.
A man gets angry with his wife or female fellow worker or a mother because she shows authority over a situation and his ego gets dented and he reacts with anger.
It all goes back to the dominance of man over all. Including woman. The bible tells us that God created man to dominate over all living creatures...or something similar to that. Man has more physical scrength than female and then he becomes the leader because of brute force or physical strength. After dominating female there comes his domination over other people. His ego makes him think he is master.
But also in females. We have our own ego and because of wanting to be pleasing to man we become competitive to other females and want to be first in all we do. So ego takes over and along with that comes jealous anger.
Man fights to rule over others. Behead someone or give us what we want. Will there ever be an end to anger? Can world wide laughter and joy reign over anger? I hope it can ..but I doubt it.
How to deal with anger within myself isn't easy. I think facing what really is making me angry and seeing the ego that is being dented and openly and honestly rethinking the situation is a far healthier way for me to live.
But how do I deal with cruelty...when I think someone is speaking to me with cruelty or treating me with cruelty or disrespect. That is a problem for me. Walking away and trying to forget it just doesn't make sense. Facing the ego part of myself and figuring what is lying behind the surface of my reaction or the hurt that I am feeling is a better way of dealing with the anger that is building up.
Sometimes I try to think it is the other persons problem for treating me in that manner or talking to me in a mean way. I have even taken responsibility for what has happened to me by thinking that there must be something wrong with me to make that person say or do that to me. I guess that is another form of protecting the other person from harm and caring the load myself.
But even when I try to carry the load of responsibility of someone else's cruelty to me I still get angry and a whole other cycle starts.
Along with intelligence comes ego. If I am smarter than someone else I am superior. WOW! What a statement. But unfortunately that is the way many of us think. Smarter and ego...what a trap. It becomes a trap because both are apt to get us into trouble when dealing with anger.
I keep thinking to myself, I am only in competition with myself. That is a good thing. Because I don't have to be smarter than anyone else...I don't have to be better at sewing or cooking than anyone else. If I improve my cooking or something that I attempt to do. I do it because of my own goals and not someone else's guide lines or accomplishments. If I bake a better cake than the last one I baked ...it is my own guide lines I followed...but there is a trap in that also. Do I bake a better cake because I want approval from the eater of the cake? Then that approval builds up my ego or does it build up my pride in myself...or does it make me more acceptable to the eater or more lovable?
Oh boy am I getting too deep into the subject or getting off the subject? Maybe a little or both.
What I really wanted to write about is anger...in me and the anger I see around me also the anger I feel from others around me.
I read in an article in the newspaper that Iraqi solders captured a South Korean soldier and showed him on TV and he was begging for his life. The Iraqi's said if South Korean didn't pull their troops out of Iraq the soldier would be beheaded like the American that they beheaded a few weeks ago. It has bothered me since I read that article. That is why I started to write this article about anger.
The anger that we all feel. Why would someone cut off someone's head? The anger involved in doing something as horrible as that is the same kind of anger that we all carry within ourselves. The hanging of black men in the south by white people...the slaughter of people in villages in war zones...the sexual rape or mental rape upon another are all products of anger. I don1t have to go into all the various kinds of ways that anger is shown...only that all things done with anger are products of dented egos is my point.
If we live with anger can we ever find laughter for fun sake? Can we laugh and be happy? Can we put our egos aside and extend our hand in kindness and love to others? Can it ever happen that there will be world peace? If husband and wife, child and parent, employer and employee, neighbor and neighbor, coworker and coworker, nation and nation, race and race, religion and religion can't get along without anger what chance do we have to achieving eternal salvation.
Oh boy here I go again getting into it deeper.
When I talk about laughter I am talking about the pure joy that comes with happiness and laughter. Maybe the word joy means something different to someone else but to me joy means serenity and love and laughter. I don't want to get into semantics here. Sometimes using words to describe a feeling becomes difficult. Because feelings are really indescribable in words. So I will use the words that are most comfortable for me...hoping others can get my meaning.
So, what is the solution? Can we have laughter and fun? Can we have eternal salvation. Can we have world peace? Can there be a world with people not abused and children laughing and playing and not afraid of a stranger?
I am saying all this because I think the big problem that we have in this world is anger which stems from dented egos. When I say "world" I mean everyone everywhere. I think if we can get the ego part of ourselves figured out and examine it within ourselves...everyone of us in the world...we would be getting closer to our goal of achieving eternal salvation. Or in other words get to heaven.
Jesus Christ came to earth and was made man to open the road to heaven for us. He gave us examples of how to deal with our egos. He knew he was going to suffer and die, but he accepted it because he loved us...His Unconditional Love. He gave His life for us. He could of blinked an eye and the world would of trembled at the wrath He could of envoked upon His persecutors. But He put His ego aside and did what was needed to be done to save all mankind. We all have a chance to get to heaven. Can we follow His great example and put ego aside and put anger to rest and follow the leader Jesus Christ?
How can that happen when even Christians can't even decide which way to worship Jesus Christ? Not to mention the Jewish people who don't believe Jesus Christ was the Savior, or to mention the Muslims who don1t believe in Jesus Christ or the Buddhist who don1t believe in Jesus Christ or the atheists who don't even believe in God. Or the christians who don't act like christians but profess to be christians and the stories go on and on never ending.
Maybe the only things people have in common is that they eat, drink, sleep and go to the bathroom. And even in those basic things people don't agree how to do them. But the common thing we all have is ego. No matter how you look at it, ego is there and will always be there. So dealing with it is primary importance. Because with ego goes anger and that to me is "the root of all evil" so to speak. That is where we all get into trouble with our daily lives and that snowballs into a bigger and bigger problem which ends up into being a very angry and dangerous situation. Or in other words...why would someone say they will cut off someone's head if they don1t do what they are told to do?
When will it ever end. When will we get "IT?" Or will we ever get "IT?" Lately I have been praying that everyone, every living creature past present and future get to heaven. I have been asking that no one be punished...that all be able to bask in everlasting Glory with God. I pray that all realize the great love showered upon us from God and accept his love and spread his love to all we meet Not because of ourselves but because of Him who dwells within us.
Well, there you have it. I've said pretty much what I started out to say. If you agree with me or a part of what I1ve said or disagree with all I've said at least I've gotten you to think about anger and what happens when we get angry and why we get angry.
Josephine Silva
June 22, 2004
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