Where Should I Be?
I�m dead. That much I know, I know because I�m standing here in this strange place looking at my body. There is a woman standing over my body taking organs out. My heart is lying on a silver tray.
I don�t remember how this happened. I dropped my dinner plate on the floor, and I knew daddy would be mad. Maybe he�d just shout lots then get angry at Mama. I�m think this time I was just too naughty. Daddy was always saying I�d push him over the edge one day. I guess dropping my dinner plate was the final push.
The lady cutting up my body is young, she�s very pretty. I wish that I wasn�t naked lying there on the table but I�m glad that it�s a lady with me, there�s a man working on the table next to her. He�s young and pretty too, I don�t want him to see me naked. They both look like they�re working hard.
I don�t know whether I should be more upset. Now that I�m dead nothing hurts. All those bumps and bruises have gone away. The man on the next table has finished I think. He has turned towards the woman but he�s looking at me. Together they stare at me. She points out my bruises. He mentions how skinny I am. Daddy was always careful about us girls getting fat. Nobody thinks a fat girl is pretty he says. Used to say. Now I�m dead he won�t say anything to me.
All my organs are being put into a plastic bag, I�m sure by now I should be very upset. Nobody wants a plastic bag inside of them. The lady stitches me up then puts a sheet over me. The man has been waiting for her. They go into separate showers. I sit down on a bench. I don�t know what to do, Daddy would always tell us where to go, what to do. But I�m dead now. Shouldn�t I be somewhere else? It doesn�t seem right that I�m here watching my body being cut up. The man and woman come back, they�ve got proper clothes on now. Should I follow them? Maybe this happens all the time and they�ll eventually tell me where to go.
I follow the lady, she seems nice. She smells nice. The man has left, before he went he kissed her hand. The nice lady seems upset. She sits down at a desk and picks up the phone. I want to sit down, I feel funny. I don�t know what will happen if I do, I don�t want to fall through a chair so I stand. The lady says my name to the person on the phone. Evidence of abuse, malnutrition, underdevelopment, bruising. Daddy won�t like that, he was always careful to keep us girls looking presentable to the outside world. Plenty of evidence to convict the monster she says. I don�t understand and my head feels funny. Maybe I will sit. The nice lady has her head in her hands. The man walks in. He puts his hand on her shoulders. She tells him she hates her job because they are always that one step behind. I can see through my feet, it feels like I�m evaporating. The man rubs her shoulders and tells her that at least my sisters will be saved. My sisters. Yeah, I like that. If daddy goes away Donna and Andrea will be ok. I�m tired. I turn my head, this couch is very comfy. The lady looks straight at me. Goodnight she whispers.