Commitment
When Penny told you she was pregnant you didn't react well. Even now, over twenty years on, you can still dimly recall the sense of panic rushing through you.
She'd been angry at you, and even now you can't blame her. What you asked her was so unfair, but you weren't ready, neither of you were. You thought about it, long and hard. It seemed like the best thing to do.
Some part of you was na�vely hoping that once the baby was gone things could go back to the way they had been. In fact, you couldn't even think of it as a baby. It was a fetus. A ball of developing cells. Some day it would have become a baby. A person. But all you saw it as was an obstacle.
You've never truly forgiven yourself for it.
You know you've changed but you still hate what you asked her to do.
***
When Nikki told you she was pregnant you didn't react well. You felt a long lost sense of panic running through your veins but you kept an absurd smile fixed on your face and told her it would be okay.
You weren't sure yourself, but she was so hopeful, you knew it would work.
She seemed so happy, radiant in that clich�d way that pregant women are supposed to be.
You were shell-shocked, but you trusted in her and yourself to be mature and make the right decisions.
You knew that once the baby came along things would never be the same. Though you couldn't quite picture it. You called it 'the baby' but in your mind you were more scientific. It didn't seem real.
You hoped the scan would help. It didn't. That blurry black and white picture didn't magically connect you to the swelling in Nikki's abdomen.
She was worried. You could tell. She wouldn't say anything to you but you knew she was thinking it.
She was scared you thought it was a mistake. That you would ask her to do something she would regret. You knew she couldn't lose her child, but she didn't want to lose you either.
Then one night it hit you, in a sense.
Nikki was in your arms, half dozing. Her growing stomach flush against your side.
You felt it move.
The baby.
Nikki's baby.
Your baby.
Suddenly it was real.
You're older now. Wiser. You've changed. You can't fix your past mistakes but you have a future to look forward to.
A future with the people you love.
Forever.