 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Jokes! | ||||||||||||||||||||
| Teddy Bears | A woman goes on a date with a man, he takes her to dinner and a movie then when they are finished he invites her over to his place. He takes her up to his room and she notices three shelves on the wall beside his bed - One shelf of large teddy bears, one shelf of medium sized teddy bear, and another shelf with small teddy bears. She think to herself "This guy must be really sensetive to have stuffed animals in his room, i think i'll sleep with him". So she does, when the two of the are finished the man says to her "hey, you weren't too bad grab one from the middle shelf". | |||||||||||||||||||
| Jelly Doughnut | A man and his girlfriend had just finished making mad passionatte sex to each other when the mans girlfriend turns to him and asks if he wants to go again. Of course the man is more than eager to, but he remembers that when they had finished he threw the condom they were using out the window and it seemed to be his last one, so he goes outside to find it. To his dissapointment he sees a five year old child sitting on the sidewalk playing with he, so he tries to convince him to give it back to him "hey kid would you mind giving me my jelly doughnut back,m i accidentally dropped it out of my window" the kid refuses, so the man offers to give him 5 dollars for the condom. The kid smiles and hands over the condom, then takes the five dollars and runs home to his parents. He then calls to his mother and father "Guess what i met this guy who wanted a jelly doughnut i found so he gave me five dollars, but i ripped him off! I sucked out all the jelly first! | |||||||||||||||||||
| Sniper | Three men were playing golf when they saw another man playing by himself, so they asked him to join them, he accepted. they continued playing gold while talking about buisness, family, etc. when they asked the fourth man what he did for a living, he told them he was a pro-hitman and he pulls out a sniper to show them. One guy says: "wow, so could you hit my house from here? it's just across the street, in perfect view of the golfcourse." the hitman agrees and aims at the house, "do you have a wife at home? "yes" "and a male neighbor?" "yes, why?" "Im afraid to say that she is cheating on you" "oh fuck i knew it!" "I could take them out for you, $1000 a shot" "yeah i want you to hit her in the head and hit him in the balls" "Um sir, i could save you $1000 and do that in one shot" |
|||||||||||||||||||
| Joe and the Frog | There was a man named Joe with his 25 inch penis. Every weekend whenever he dated someone, he shows her his penis and she is so scared that she runs away. So he decides to go to the hospital to figure out a way to shorten the lenght of it. When he arrives at the hospital he shows the doctor his penis and the doctor sayd "Sorry, but i cant do anything about it... But i think I know someone who can, it's a witch that lives in the mountains, maybe she'll help. "Okay, i'll try it out" Joe said. When he arrives at the cave in the mountain he see's the witch, shows her his penis and asks if she can do anything about it. "I know what you can do, go to the forest, and you'll see a frog on a log, ask him if you can marry it and everytime it says no your penis will shorten 5 inches." "Okay, i'll try it out" he said. So he goes to the forest and see's the frog on a log. "Hey fron, will you marry me?" The frog turns around and says "Hell no Bitch." Jo feels his penis tingling and watched in amazement that it shortens by 5 inches. Then he asks again and says "Hey frog, will you marry me?" "Fuck you, i said no!" Joe sees that his penis is 15 inches but it's not enough. So he gives it another try "Hey frog, will you marry me?". To which the frog says "No, No, and No!" | |||||||||||||||||||
| Like a cow | Harry and his wife were driving in the country when he saw a sign that said, "Cow for sale - $5000" He pulled in and said to the farmer, "there's no cow in the world that is worth five thousand dollars." The farmer said, "Oh yea? Take a look at this!" He lifted the cow's tail, and Harry saw that the cow had a snatch just like a woman. Harry got back in the car, turned to his wife and began to cry, "It's just not fair. Here's this farmer with a cow that has a snatch just like a woman and it's worth $5000, and her i am with you, with a snatch like a cow, and your not worth shit!" | |||||||||||||||||||
| Heartbreak Revenge | Two high school sweethearts who went together for four years were both birgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in the 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl got accepted to a college on the east coast and the boy got accepted to a college on the west coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together. As time went on, they guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote she would take weeks to return his letters. Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around. He didnt't take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back. So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend's unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note readin, "I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone." Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken but evenmore so was pissed. So, what he did was awesome, he wrote on the back of the photo the following, "Dear mom and dad, having a great time in college, please send more money!" and mailed the picture to her parents. | |||||||||||||||||||
| Kodak Moment | This is a true story that happened at a wedding in Clemson. Now this was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage and grabbed the microphone to adress the crowd. He thanked everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He thanked everyone for bringing gifts and all that good stuff. As a token of his gratitude, he said that he really wanted to give everybody a little something special. So, taped to the bottom of everyone's chair was a medium-sezed manilla envelope. He informed the audience that this was his gift to everyone, and instructed then to open it. With bright inquisitve smiles on their faces, the crowd eagerly opened their envelopes. A huge gasp came over the crowd as the attendees looked around in shocked silence. Inside each envelope was a framed 8x10 picture of the best man having sex with the bride (Apparently, the groom had become suspicious of them and hired a private detective to investigate.) After standing there with a big grin on his face and watching the people's reactions for a few minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "Fuck you." then he turned to the bride and said, "Fuck you too." Then turning to the entire audience, he said "I'm out of here, enjoy the cake." Needless to say, the marriage was anulled the next day. Now while most of us would have broken the engagement off immediately after discovering the affair, this guy went through with it anyway. His ultimate revenge: making the bride's family pay for a 300 guest wedding and reception (the bill came to over $50, 000), letting everyone know exactly what happened wih a kodak moment, and trashing the bride's and best man's reputation in front of friends, family, and honored guests, | |||||||||||||||||||
| Shaking a Coke | A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant and bius her a fancy dinner with expensive wine. On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to stay that way. "Well okay," he says "Then how about a blow job?" "Yuck!" she screams "I'm not putting that thing in my mouth."Well then how about a hand job?" the boy asks, "I've never don that," she replies "What do i have to do?" "Well" he answers, "remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up coke bottom and spray your brother with it?" She nods. "Well, it's just like that." So he pulls it out and she grabs a hold then starts shaking it. After a few minutes he reaches his climax and his head flops back to the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax lose out of his ears and he screams out in pain. "Whats wrong?" she excalims. He then cries "Take your thumb off the end!" | |||||||||||||||||||
| Return to Index page |
|
|||||||||||||||||||
  |
||||||||||||||||||||