Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't give any worse advice
Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?
Don't let your mind wander; it's far too small to be let out on its own.
Don't thank me for insulting you; it was a pleasure.
Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without you putting in so much effort to give us another?
Grasp your ears firmly and pull; you might just be able to remove your head from you ass.
He always finds himself lost in thought; it's unfamiliar territory.
Her mouth is dirtier than a rubber toilet seat.
I bet you get bullied a lot.
I can tell that you are lying; your lips are moving.
I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.
I don't mind you talking so much, as long as you don't mind me not listening.
I don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others.
I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit for the one thing you've done yourself?
I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you one day.
I like you. People say I've got no taste, but I like you.
I used to think that you were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
I will defend, to your death, my right to my opinion.
I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn't understand me.
I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up your ass.
If I want shit from you, I'll squeeze your head.
If sex were fast food, you'd have and M-shaped arch over your head.
If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder it would be an apocalypse!
If you were twice as smart as you are now, you'd be absolutely stupid.
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.
I'm impressed, I've never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.
I've come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.
Now we know why some animals eat their own children.
Pardon me, but you're obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn.
People would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
She's the first in her family born without tail.
Talk is cheap, but that's ok, so are you.
That man is cruelly depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
There are several people in this world that I find unbearably obnoxious, and you are all of them.
This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
What he is lacking in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.
Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.
What's wrong, don't you get any attention back home?
When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.
You are living proof that manure can sprout legs and walk.
You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.
You are not even beneath my contempt.
You are not obnoxious like so many other people, you are obnoxious in a completely different and far worse way.
You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
You grow on people, but so does cancer.
You have a nasty speech impediment?your foot.
You have an inferiority complex and it is fully justified.
You should do some soul-searching. You might just find one.
You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you're doing your best.
Your mind isn't so much twisted as badly sprained.
You're a habit I'd like to kick - with both feet.
Please tell your pants it?s not polite to point
100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
A hard on doesn't count as personal growth.
All men are animals, some just make better pets.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
And which dwarf are you?
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Boldly going nowhere.
Cat. The other white meat.
Caution: Driver just doesn't give a shit anymore.
Confused as a baby in a strip club
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Constipated people don't give a crap.
Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
Do they ever shut up on your planet?
Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.
Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Dont Steal! The government doesn't like competition
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Earth is full. Go home.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
For a small town this one sure has a lot of assholes.
God must love stupid people, he made so many.
Hang up and drive.
He who dies with the most toys still dies
He who hesitates is not only lost but miles from the next exit.
Honk if anything falls off
Horn brokenwatch for finger!
how many roads must a man travel before he admits he is lost?
I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
I Love Cats ....they taste like chicken
I miss my wife, but my aim is getting better.
I plead contemporary insanity.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
If it was raining whores, I'd be the one to get hit with the queer.
If men are idiots, you married their King
If that phone was up your rear, maybe you could drive better.
If you can read this I've lost my trailer.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets.
If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
IRS - we've got what it takes to take what you've got
It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Jesus loves you. Everybody else thinks you're an ass.
Keep honking while I reload.
My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom.
My inner child is a mean little shit.
My kid beat up your honor student.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
Pass with caution, driver chewing tobacco.
Please tell your pants it's not polite to point.
So many pedestrians, so little time.
So you're a feminist. Isn't that precious.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
Some people just don't know how to drive.
Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
Teens, leave home now while you still know everything.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
This would be really funny if it werent happening to me
Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
You! Off my planet!
