Lauren: Hey girls, what's up?
Brooke: Oh hey Lauren we were just talking about you.
Lauren: Oh, what were you saying?
Brooke: Oh, well... we were just talking about... your hair! Yeah we were talking about you beautiful hair.
Robyn: We weren't talking behind your back about how much of a dirty skank you are or anything.
Lauren: That's so sweet of you guys.
Calsie: I know, that's what I said too!
Lauren: What! You whore, how could you say a thing like that?!
Calsie: I-Uh, I didn't mean anything by it I just thought-.
Lauren: Well don't think Calsie, It's bad for my ego!
Brooke: Calsie just play it cool, I don't think she's taken her medication today.
Lauren: What did you just say?!
Brooke: Er-Hem, so what's up with the dance on Friday anyway?
Robyn: Oh yeah I heard that it's going to be huge, A live band is playing for us and everything is really awesome, Steve and I are going together.
Brooke: John just had his tux fitted, he'll be so handsome in it.
Calsie: My dress is ready too, it's so pretty I can't wait to show it to you all.
Lauren: Oh I can't wait either, It had better be as pretty as you say it is Calsie, or else!
Calsie: Lauren why do you have to criticize everything that I do and threaten me all the time, was it something I did?
Lauren: What did I just say?
Calsie: You just threatened that my dress had better be pretty for the dance of Friday.
Lauren: No you retard! I'm sick of all your bullshit, why can't you just leave my mother out of things for once in your life. It's not her fault she has gray hair Calsie!
Calsie: What'?
Lauren: Don't talk back!
Robyn: I'll meet you at your house for the dance ok Calsie, we can go together.
Calsie: OK, Lauren are you going with Rhys?
Lauren: And what's that suppose to mean?
Calsie: I was only asking-
Lauren: That's it, I don't have to take this!
(Lauren begins to walk away when loud polka music starts playing from behind her)
Lauren: Oh no, the Russians are attacking! AHHHHHHH!
(An extremely large man who's waist seems to outweigh that of his height appears out of the trees near the blonde girls and begins to waddle towards them. He has dark hair and pale skin, one would question whether or not he bathes but would probably be much too afraid to approach him since his general appearance and attitude repel most human beings.)
Brooke: What is that thing?
Rodney: Surrender now or you shall all face a fate that far outweighs any punishment that you could ever imagine.
Brooke: We'll never surrender to you!
(Brooke kicks Rodney in the shin and he crashes down into the ground)
Rodney: EEEEEE! Perhaps this time I have met my match but heed my words, I shall return.
(Rodney, with some great deal of effort, gets up and snatches a strand of hair from Lauren's head then runs into the trees from which he came)
Lauren: No! My virginity!
Robyn: You? A virgin? Ahahahahaha!
Brooke: Well I think after that I'm ready to go home and call it a day, Calsie do you want a ride?
Calsie: Yeah thanks.
(Calsie and Brooke exit)
Robyn: So what's going on with you and Rhys Lauren?
Lauren: It was terrible Robyn! I was playing hard to get and he gave up on me!
Robyn: So that's why you in such a bad mood then?
Lauren: What mood? What are you talking about Robyn, I'm fine-you're the one that needs help! Why don't you go back to the mental house where you belong?!
Robyn: Fine Lauren, if that's how your going to be then I'm leaving too.
(Robyn exits scene, when Lauren is alone she bends down onto her knees and looks into the sky)
Lauren: I'm so sorry God, I'm such a terrible person aren't I?
(A two foot tall man wearing a four foot tall hat descends into the ground in front of Lauren from the sky and looks into her eyes)
God: It's not your fault Lauren, those bitches had it coming, they are so cocky walking around with their long hair and legs thinking they are better than everyone else just because I'm not tall like they are... Stupid tall blondes'
Lauren: Thanks for making me feel better God, your always there to help me out.
God: Well you know I'm always here for you Lauren, but right now I really need to take care of a few parking tickets, see you around.
Lauren: Goodbye for now God.
(God disappears in a cloud of orange smoke, Scene ends.)
