revisting trauma
a souless body
consumed by acts of
unfinished thoughts
matching unspoken scars
what you've created me to be
a tape
replaying a pointless, heartbreaking life
over and ove R
since the day
they took you away
in flashing lights
they.. ..fixed me
the man was paid by him
i cant call him a doctor
paid to lie
and they knew
but in their conspiracy
i was hidden
and forgotten
like the rubbish
on the bottom of the bin
hidden under dirty lies
never cleaned out
unable to love
or be loved
how
can trash have secrets
how could trash
feel pain
so much
he threw the trash
a few dollars
so he could escape with his billions
ive seen him
hes everywhere
how many other girls..
didnt survive
i almost envy them
you walked away from the coffin
my best
my best damnit friend lay innnnnn
i saw your smile
its only cancer you said
thats what you said to me
every night you
everynight you gave me
you said i had cancer
sick bastard
you had to put me to sleep
because i fuck fucked up fuck you
now ive got nothing but the cancer you left me
the fear
no
i don't fear death
i fear you
unclean nights
never able to wash away
visions within a mind
that soap could never clean
irreversible damage
every dark night
crying out
to lost innocence
pieces of my heart
strewed across your bed
flashbacks
in a dark room
pour like shower water
your love of life
your sick obsession
twisted thoughts
i was meant to be sleeping
like little girls should
dreaming of fairies and angels
yet i watch
tied and spirit broken
as you destroy all i could be
each time i cried
you cut your face
you smileddddfdddd
your groan
my hair hurt
you were hurting me
but
you were not talking
arms too strong
you
you screwed my mother straight after
after
i hate you
yes, i've forgiven you
the way you indulged yourself
then obsessededly drew it across your face
as if shaving
i watched that knife through your skin
and it did something to my mind
you
are not gone
fake insouciance
hides such trauma
single notes of pretty music
float down the stairs
that i'm locked under
why are you here
four years of dying
four years of
four fucking years
i was scared
and still am
they say im a survivor
but i'm dead
it took me almost four hours to write this
poem