Silent
Mobius: Red Destiny
Book 0:
Chapter
5: Past Imperfect
Authors:
OSTOCOM
Email and
website: See our profile
Rating:
PG-13 for some language
Disclaimer:
We do not own Silent Mobius or its characters, but we
do own our own characters. See Book 0 for complete disclaimer.
-------------------------------------------------------
--
The
bright rays of sun slanted through cold glass, falling on Miakoda Nakai’s face
as she woke. Rolling deeper into her white comforter, Miakoda inhaled deeply,
reveling in the luxury of a slow morning. It was Saturday, and although she
knew she had responsibilities, none of them would intrude on her solitude for
another two hours.
Lifting
her willowy body to a sitting position, Miakoda again took a deep breath and
began to hum softly, the deep meditation rhythms of her Navajo ancestors. She
paused momentarily, and reached for several items that lay on her bedstead: a
bunch of sage tied with colorful string, and a long match. She struck the match
and lit the top of the sage, carefully blowing on it until it smoldered and
released a light, fragrant smoke into the air. She placed both items in a
ceramic holder and moved herself to the center of her low bed, crossing her
legs and lifting her arms.
"Oh
God of the Heavens, Great Spirit of the Earth, bless my day and give your
handmaiden the strength to live with clarity of the river. May my actions be as
a fragrance to you and your Son."
Miakoda
took a deep breath of the sage-scented air and exhaled slowly. She stretched
her arms out and pushed the sheer white curtains out to the very edges of the
window. It was so beautiful outside—unusually bright and warm for December.
Suddenly she wanted to go for a walk and enjoy exercise, nature, and some time
alone.
*Not
alone.* Something within her whispered, and felt a
sense of foreboding. Whether it was God, her psychic intuition, or God working
through her psychic intuition, she had quit trying to distinguish long ago.
"All
right," she sighed. "Not alone." She tried to decide who to
invite to walk with her. Calixta and Amber were probably already at work, which
left Mackenzie and Adara. Miakoda decided to try Mackenzie's number; she hadn't
gotten a chance to talk to the Chief in a while. She lifted the receiver and
dialed. No one answered, so Miakoda left a message on the machine. (She
probably went to work early,) Miakoda thought. (She's been doing that a lot
lately…)
She shook
her head and pushed the thought away. (Well, Adara's not due in for a few more
hours,) she remembered. (Still, she's probably not that interested…)
*Call
her.*
Miakoda
raised an eyebrow. "All right," she answered the voice. She dialed
Adara's cell phone number.
"Hello?"
"Hi Adara. It's Miakoda. I was wondering if you'd like to go for a walk with
me."
The
question seemed to catch Adara off guard. "Um…sure.
I'd love to, actually. What made you ask all of a sudden?"
"Just…a
sense, I suppose," Miakoda replied.
"Hmm. Interesting." Adara seemed lost in her thoughts for a while.
"Adara?"
"Oh,
sorry," Adara said. "Why don't you meet me by the
"Sure,"
said Miakoda. "I'll meet you there in twenty minutes."
She hung
up and extinguished the burning sage. The smoke disappeared, but the scent
lingered in the air like a sacred memory as Miakoda left her home.
------
Miakoda
inhaled the crisp air as she stood by the large bronze statue of Alice, the
White Rabbit and the Mad Hatter —which was already crawling with children
laughing and playing together. The atmosphere was full of the scent of dying
leaves and frosted earth, pregnant with the sleeping spring. Miakoda was
thankful for the earth-life the Park still afforded, a refuge from the teeming
metropolis.
Just
then, she saw Adara coming up the path in a well-tailored, navy blue jogging
outfit. Her hair was in a long braid instead of the usual bun. "Hi,"
she said. "Nice morning, isn't it?"
"Yes,"
Miakoda agreed. "How are you?"
"Well—"
Adara hesitated. "All right, I guess."
Miakoda
gestured to a nearby trail, and the two started walking. "Would you like
to talk about it?"
"It's
just—" Adara put her hands in her pockets and continued walking along the
grayish-green grass. "Well, it's a lot like this, actually." She took
a hand out of her pocket and gestured toward the blue sky and the gray,
leafless trees. "I wake up and think, 'Wow, this could be a beautiful
day,' but then I get out here and it's so ugly and desolate. Maybe it's just
too late to have anything really beautiful."
Miakoda
looked at her, wondering that Adara did not also sense the promise heavy in the
winter air. "What makes you say that?"
Adara
sighed, and looked around to make sure they were alone. "My mother called
this morning."
"Oh.
I see…"
The two
turned a corner, and the trail opened into a grove. Adara smiled as she noticed
a black woman laughing and throwing a baseball to her ten-year-old daughter.
The daughter dropped it, picked it up, and threw it to her father. "It
could have been like that," Adara said softly. "And part of me wants
badly to believe that it can still be like this, that it's not too late…but it
feels like there's a shadow over everything…"
Miakoda
suddenly felt as though ice was spreading through her blood. She touched
Adara's arm. "There is a shadow," she whispered.
Adara
looked back at the family and noticed blackness stretching across the grass
toward them. "Run!" she shouted at them.
The
family looked at Adara, confused. "Run!" Miakoda echoed. She ran
full-speed toward the family, hoping she could get between them and the shadow
before it was too late…
Adara had
the same idea. Seconds later, she and Miakoda were positioned between the
family and the Lucifer Hawk. Adara glanced back. Good—the family had started
running. Now they could concentrate on their enemy. She turned her eyes back to
the Hawk.
It was *big*.
This bulwark of muscle, this frightening tangle of claws, red eyes, and jagged
wings, towered at least five feet over her head. Adara swallowed nervously and
took a step back.
The
Lucifer Hawk followed, swinging a long, clawed arm toward her. The swish of air
came uncomfortably close to Adara's head. Adara winced, and continued backing
up to where Miakoda stood. "Shields. Now!"
she ordered.
"Ah-kin-cil-toh!" Miakoda said. A golden energy
shield materialized around them. It crackled as the Lucifer Hawk touched it,
searching for weaknesses.
"I
am Ceyx," it said, continuing to calmly to probe the shield with its
clawed arm.
"I
see," Adara said. "So you like to be on a first-name basis with your
prey?" She began relaxing her muscles and conjuring an image of fire to
her mind. Ceyx would see just who was going to get barbecued.
"Please
understand," Ceyx said, "we mean you no harm."
"That's
what the settlers said when they came," Miakoda said cynically, "and
it was a lie then, too."
Ceyx
smiled, showing a snout full of small, sharp teeth. Suddenly it lunged forward,
and his arm broke through the shield. Adara shot a fireball toward his exposed
arm. Ceyx yelped at the heat and withdrew his arm. Miakoda gritted her teeth
and muttered a spell to strengthen the shield.
"Are
you all right?" Adara asked.
"Fine,"
Miakoda said, breathing heavily, "but I'm not sure how much longer I can
hold the shield."
"Acknowledged." Adara flipped on her communicator. "Calixta, we need
backup in
"I'm
on it," Calixta said over the intercom. "I'll bring the extra-large
shovel."
"All
right, Miakoda," Adara said, "we have backup on the way."
Ceyx
smiled. "You mean for me to be intimidated, no doubt," he said,
"but you have failed to consider that perhaps I also have backup."
Adara and
Miakoda looked up and saw another Lucifer Hawk hovering above Ceyx. It was
larger, wingless, and more brutish-looking. Adara looked from the Hawk back to
the drained Miakoda and swore furiously.
The Hawk
looked down at the two women. "This is hardly even a good-sized
snack," it complained to Ceyx.
"Snack?" Adara snarled. "Eat this!" She hurled flames
toward Ceyx and the second Lucifer Hawk. Ceyx managed to dodge, but the second
Lucifer Hawk screamed as it caught fire and began burning. Miakoda took
advantage of this chance to summon a whirlwind that tore through the Hawk
before dissipating into the air.
"He's
down!" cried Miakoda.
"He'll
survive," Ceyx said.
A spinner
raced towards them over the grass. Amber jumped out, brandishing her gun.
"That's more than I can say for you," she said. She fired a quick
succession of shots at Ceyx, most of which he evaded.
"Amber!
Fall back to position epsilon!" Adara ordered.
"Epsilon…epsilon…"
Amber muttered to herself. "Oh, right!" She swung around behind
Adara, leaving the ECC members in a triangular pattern around the Hawk.
"I
feel terror at my own impending death," Ceyx drawled sarcastically.
"You
should," said Amber, looking up at the sky, where an angular ship sped
toward Ceyx from behind.
Ceyx
turned and eyed the ship. "Is that all?" he sneered. "Is this
the famed backup meant to strike fear into my heart?"
Adara
looked up. Somehow, the '
Ceyx spun
around and floated up toward the
"Calixta!" Miakoda shouted.
"You'll
pay for that, you bastard!" Adara screamed.
Ceyx flew
back toward them, a smug smile on his face. "Why do you persist in
fighting me?"
Calixta's
voice resounded above him. "The question is, why
do you persist in fighting us?"
Ceyx
whirled around, and saw ten ships…eleven…and more and more appearing all the
time. "Impossible!" he screamed.
"I'm
sorry," said Calixta. "That's the wrong answer."
The
middle ship in the formation fired three shots into Ceyx's chest. Amber
followed this with several slugs from her NX-5150. Ceyx
collapsed and exploded in a puff of dust. The second Lucifer Hawk pulled itself
up and began staggering toward Miakoda.
"Miakoda!" Amber yelled.
Miakoda
whirled around. "Ne-ahs-jah!" she shouted, and a ghostly shadow of an
owl flew toward the Lucifer Hawk, screeching. The Hawk roared as the owl
pierced his heart. A shot from Calixta's ship hit him in the stomach, and he
died, howling in pain.
"Is
everyone all right down there?" Calixta asked.
"Fine,"
Miakoda replied.
"I'm
good," Amber said. "Adara?"
"How
the hell did you get all those ships?" Adara demanded. "Who did the
Chief have to bribe?"
"I
see your sense of ethics is fully intact," Calixta said dryly. "You
must be all right, then."
"I'm fine, but you won't be if I don't get some answers," Adara said.
"Sure,"
Calixta said. "You guys want a lift?" She flew the middle ship down
toward the street and lowered a ladder. Adara, Amber, and Miakoda climbed into
the ship.
"Answers. Now!" Adara demanded as the ship flew
off.
"You
can't just be grateful, can you?" Calixta asked. "No, you have to ask
*how* I rescued you just on time, yet again, with typical strategic
brilliance."
"Modest,
isn't she?" Adara asked irritably.
"Well,
she does have a point," Miakoda said. Adara glared at her.
"What?"
Amber said. "It's true!"
"Everyone's
against me," Adara muttered.
“If I had
been against you, I wouldn't have saved you," Calixta pointed out.
"And since you're my very favorite field commander, I'll humor you and
tell you how. It's magic."
"Magic." Adara looked skeptical.
"Now
you see them…" Calixta gestured toward the other ships outside the window.
She pushed a button. "Now you don't."
Suddenly,
the ships vanished. Miakoda blinked hard, stared, squinted, and blinked again.
No, they were definitely gone. "Wow," she said.
Adara
inhaled sharply. "Are those stealth cloaks?"
"Nothing
so expensive," Calixta said. "It's just—"
"Ooh!"
said Amber. "Can I tell them?"
Calixta
looked at her, slightly annoyed. "Sure," she said. "I guess the
dramatic mood is kind of ruined anyway."
"They're
holographic simulations," Amber explained, thrilled at the chance to show
off her newfound knowledge. "They're basically arrangements of light
particles designed to look like the real thing. It works just like the
holomodule. Right?"
"Um…yeah,
that's pretty much it, give or take a few technicalities," Calixta replied.
"I
see," Adara said. "And who did the Chief have to bribe to get us
those holographic simulations?"
"Just me." Calixta grinned. "I've been working overtime getting
a few projectors installed on the
"You
told me you were fixing a wiring problem!" Adara exclaimed.
"I
was," Calixta said. "The wiring wouldn't support a projector. That's
what I'd call a wiring problem."
"You—you—"
Adara stared at Calixta, at a loss for words. "You are a pain in the ass!
That is going on your *official record*!"
"Yes,
ma'am," Calixta grinned and saluted. Then she and Adara burst out
laughing.
"You're
too much," Adara said, wiping her eyes. "What would I do without
you?"
"Die,
probably," Calixta said.
"Don’t
say that!" Miakoda said with sudden vehemence.
"I
don't want to think about it either," Amber said somberly, "but the
fact is we're in a dangerous line of work. We take what precautions we can,
but…" She let the sentence hang in the air.
"…but
we just don't know what's going to happen tomorrow," Calixta concluded.
"I
know," Miakoda said. She tried to smile. It was stupid of her to feel this
way, because she believed in the power of God over death...and yet the sense of
a dark shadow had not gone away with the death of the Hawk. "'You are a
mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes,'" she quoted
softly, looking out the window.
"Well,"
said Adara, "as long as the Hawks vanish faster than we do, it doesn’t
matter to me."
------
When they
reached ECC Headquarters, Calixta and Amber both made a beeline for the small
office kitchen. Miakoda smiled. It seemed that fighting always made the two
youngest members of ECC hungry.
Adara
went to her desk, and sat down heavily. She waved a hand across a vanilla
candle, lighting it, and then dropped her head into her arms. Miakoda looked at
her with concern. Adara hadn't been her usual energetic self that past few
days, and Miakoda knew it had something to do with her mother's return.
She
walked over and placed a hand on Adara's arm. "Are you all right?"
Adara
inhaled deeply as she sat up. "Ah...fine. Just
tired."
"We
didn't finish our conversation. Would you like to finish it now?"
Adara's
eyebrows furrowed, but her body language told Miakoda she wanted to talk, so
Miakoda pulled a chair over and sat down.
"There's...really
nothing else to say. Part of me wants to believe that this can work out, that
we can have something resembling a normal mother-daughter relationship...but
the rest of me doesn’t believe that can happen." The fire elemental's eyes
narrowed painfully. "And another part of me doesn't even want it to."
"You're
still angry with her for abandoning you."
Adara
looked at Miakoda, surprise and anger mixed in her expression. "You
wouldn't understand," she sighed heavily as she closed her eyes.
"Try
me," Miakoda challenged.
Adara
opened her eyes and focused them on her companion. "Do you know why my father and I left
Miakoda
shook her head no.
"Fire
powers run in my family," she started conversationally. "My grandmother was a fire elemental as
was her mother before her and *her* mother was a great fire mage. When my mother was born, however, she didn’t
show any signs of having the same kind of power. As she grew up, it became fairly obvious that
she wasn't going to be an elemental and that she didn’t even have enough
control to be a mage. It had to be
disappointing to her, not being able to do what the rest of the family could. Grandmother held out hope that perhaps her
daughter's child would continue the line, even if my mother couldn't. But when I was born, I didn't manifest powers
right away. Grandmother began to despair
as I grew up and it seemed like I would follow in my mother's footsteps. But finally, after I turned six, I threw a
fit over something—I don't even remember what now—and I lit the couch on
fire." She shook her head and
smiled wryly. "I think that's the
only time I was *ever* praised for setting fire to a piece of furniture."
Miakoda
shared the smile and encouraged her to go on.
"I
started getting more and more powerful as the year went on and I saw my mother growing
more and more depressed," Adara continued. "I couldn't understand
then what I do now—she was jealous of me.
I had attained something that she had sought after her whole life. She started drinking. Daddy often had to work late and it was
usually just mother and me at home alone.
There were times when she would fly into piques of rage at the slightest
thing. I tried so hard to please
her…" Here the young woman trailed
off and clenched her eyes shut, trying to keep tears from escaping.
"No
matter what I did, it wasn't enough. One
night I was so eager to show her how much control I'd mastered. I made a flame that could dance and sparkle. I thought it was so beautiful that I couldn't
wait to show her." As she spoke, a
small flame appeared in the palm of her hand.
It was shaped almost like a miniature person, with two "legs"
and two "arms," and it wove itself in a small, sprightly dance.
"She
was drinking. And she got so upset when
she saw that little flame. She said so
many things...I didn't understand. After
that, things happened so fast. There was
a fire...She blamed me for starting it, but I *know* I didn't!" She looked
at Miakoda earnestly, as if trying to defend herself against an unspoken
accusation. "I felt the power come
from her. I *know* I didn't start that
fire!"
"I believe
you," Miakoda said.
Adara
blinked and then dropped her gaze to the floor.
"I don't really remember much, but after that Daddy and I left
Miakoda
sighed heavily. She hadn't expected the
real story to be that intense. It was no
wonder that Adara was confused about the return of her mother. On the one hand, she would like nothing more
than her mother's love and approval. But
on the other hand, how could she forget the pain she had undergone as a
child? "Can I offer you some
advice?" she asked finally.
"Feel
free. Lord knows I could use it."
"Be
careful, Adara. Anger affects everything. It can affect your self-control, and
it can keep you from making the right decisions." Miakoda sat back as a
cloud of pain passed before her eyes. "Sometimes the opportunity to
reconcile never comes." She focused on Adara again, an earnest spark in her
voice. "Even if it doesn't work out, you have to take that chance. You
have to reach for peace and closure while you still can."
Adara was
silent for a few heartbeats, then leaned forward and hugged Miakoda quickly.
"You're right. I should. I'm just not sure how."
Miakoda
hugged her back. "You'll know Adara. Yahweh will guide you."
"Thank
you," Adara said with a watery smile. "It really helps to have
someone to talk to."
Miakoda
nodded, her eyes gathering a far away look. (If only I'd
talked to someone...)
------
--
Kayenta, Navajo Nation: June-19-2022
//
"I HATE YOU!!"
Anger
pulsed through the 15-year-old's voice as she shouted at her father.
"You
don't understand me! You never understand!"
"Miakoda..."
Her father Nascha started, exhaustion in his voice.
"Don't
call me that!" his daughter snapped. "It's
"That
name is a proud name of your people," Nascha said firmly.
"*Your*
people maybe," the girl sneered, and slammed the door to her room.
"Miakoda!" Her father stood
outside her door. "This behavior will not change my mind. You will not go
out with that boy tonight."
"Watch
me!"
The older
man sighed. "He is not good for you, Mia," he murmured in Navajo.
"What
would you know?" The response flashed back in English.
"I
know because I love you," Nascha said
resolutely.
The sound
of something heavy being thrown against the door accompanied a shrill teenaged
yell of frustration. "Get out of my
life!!" The words seemed to echo down the hall long after her father had
gone to bed.
---
Early the
next morning, before the sun touched the red
Waiting
at the end of the drive was a young man on the back of a Harley-Davidson.
Miakoda approached him, hefting a backpack onto the back of the motorcycle. He
grabbed her around the waist, and pulled her close for a hard kiss.
She
pulled away, laughing with the exhilarating freedom that coursed through her
veins. Throwing a long leg over the motorcycle, she tucked herself in, pressing
against his back. "Let's go," she breathed seductively into his ear.
"I don't ever want to come back." //
------
--
A soft
triple-knock sounded on the door to Commander Jameson's office at ECC
Headquarters.
Mackenzie
looked up and smiled. "Come in, Willow."
Miakoda
entered and answered her friend's smile. "I thought I was the
psychic."
"It
hardly takes a psychic. You have very distinct knock." Mackenzie pushed
her thick black hair off her shoulders as she sat back in her chair. "What
can I do for you?"
"I
noticed you hadn't left for lunch yet." Miakoda glanced at the tiny
replica of a grandfather clock reading
"Thank
you, but I'll have to pass." Mackenzie ruffled through a drawer and then
held up a pre-packaged sandwich. "I picked some up on the subway this
morning." Her open body language had already closed in on itself, and her
attention turned back to her paperwork.
Miakoda
frowned. "James..."
"I
know what you're going to say, Will, but I really have too much to do."
Mackenzie interrupted. "Calixta's little holographic fleet was seen by at
least half a dozen people this morning, and that means reports and forms..."
She shuffled the papers in front of her.
"Mackenzie."
Miakoda gently but firmly placed a hand over the papers, forcing them down on
the table. "You need to go out. You have been cooped up in this office far
too much lately. It's not good for you."
Mackenzie
gave her friend a dry look. "I get plenty of exercise *and* fresh
air."
"That's
not what I'm concerned about."
"
Miakoda
looked the other woman dead in the eye. "Or workaholism."
Mackenzie's
black eyes hardened. "Are you suggesting I've become addicted to work? I
know what addictions are, Will. Addictions are things that give you a plus-one,
a high. *Trust me*, this..." She gestured to the forms on her desk.
"...is *not* giving me a plus-one."
"Sometimes." Miakoda nodded. "But sometimes addictions are as
simple as the things we hide behind in order to avoid confronting the *real*
issues in our lives."
Mackenzie
said nothing, and the two women simply looked at each other for a moment. A
heartbeat later, Miakoda simply lifted her hand off the desk and quietly left
the room.
------
-- Baja
Mexico: July-5-2024
The
needle slid into her skin easily, oblivion coursing through her veins like a
familiar lover. Her only lover.
The last
person she had called "lover" was gone—faded like the bruises he had
inflicted. The bruises on her arms were smaller now, and self-made. She was
thankful for her dark skin—it made them easier to hide. She could ask for more
if the man thought she was healthy.
"
<Extranjero> Foreigner. That was what they had called her
when she first arrived in
A sigh
escaped her lips. The money kept her alive. There were always <los turistos> in Baja; it was
one of the few places left unscathed by the Crisis. The money kept her alive,
so it didn't matter. It didn't matter that her body was no longer her own. It
didn't matter that no one loved her. She had oblivion to comfort her.
---
She
adjusted her short red skirt and smoothed the last of the gloss over her full
lips. Clarity and reality had returned, and the night would not wait.
She
entered the bar quickly and silently. The owner was willing to overlook her and
the other girls, so long as they didn't make their presence obvious. Besides,
so many lonely people left in the arms of strangers in places like this: who
was to know if they would be paying for it later?
Her eyes
scanned the crowd, searching. For the most part, they all looked the same,
regular muchachos who knew better than to pick up a
local whore.
Then she
saw him.
He wasn't
hard to pick out from a crowd. Far from it. Tall, with
red hair that fell nearly to his shoulders. He was so obviously foreign it was
almost painful.
Powerfully
built, which could be dangerous if he got violent. But something told her he
wouldn't. That he was not capable of violence toward a woman.
He
slouched closer toward the bar, his blazing hair falling like a curtain over
his face.
(Hiding,)
For a
moment, she hesitated. But really her choice had already been made. It was
obvious the foreigner needed someone. She was not who he needed, but she was
someone...and for tonight, that would be enough.
------
--
Miakoda
watched the mocha and peppermint syrup dissolve into the coffee as she slowly
stirred. When she felt satisfied that the mocha was sufficiently blended, she
took a sip, reveling in the rich taste and slight burn of the hot liquid on her
lips and tongue. The winter wind
whistled outside, the heating system was just beginning to warm the frigid air
at ECC Headquarters. She clutched the mug for warmth.
Cold hands and a burnt tongue. She smiled. It was Christmas time for sure.
The door
to the main office slid open, and a bundled Calixta Solaris entered, shaking
the sleet off her large brown overcoat.
"Sorry
I'm late. Thank God the pH-balance in this..." Calixta paused, looking at
her sodden coat. "...sorry-excuse-for-snow is good today. If the acid
count was higher, I never would have gotten here."
"Subway delays?" Miakoda handed her a cup of steaming mocha, which Calixta
accepted with a sigh.
"Yes.
You know, I *would* have to choose an apartment in an area with only one subway
line. My other option was a taxi—and so of course everyone else in
"That's
all right," Miakoda responded, settling into a chair opposite her friend.
"We can just talk for awhile, if you'd rather."
Calixta
did not respond, but lifted her mug for another sip.
Miakoda
was puzzled by the look of fresh hurt in her teammate's eyes. She did not know
what it was about, but she decided against inquiring. Calixta would tell her on
her own time.
"Oh!"
Miakoda started, setting down her mocha. "I was going to ask you about the
Christmas Festival on the twenty-third. Did you still want to invite the other
girls?"
Calixta
looked away. "Actually, I wasn't planning on going myself." She gave
a sudden, bitter laugh. "But then again, I have nowhere else to be."
A crease
broke Miakoda's smooth forehead. "Did you call your grandmother about
spending Christmas Day in
"Yeah,
I called."
"Is
she still refusing to see you or let you speak to Anna?"
Calixta's
arms folded as she forced out a short, pained breath. "Well, she doesn't
have to refuse anymore. Anna's gone."
Miakoda's
eyebrows shot up in alarm. "Gone?!"
"She
ran away. Almost three weeks ago. My grandmother has no idea where she is, but
seems to believe she's safe. In fact, she seems to be more angry at *me.*"
"Oh, Calixta." Miakoda longed to reach out to her friend, but she knew
Calixta would not welcome it. Never a very demonstrative person, Calixta
Solaris tended to retreat even further into herself when upset. Although
Miakoda didn't think this was very good for Calixta, she knew she had to let
the younger woman do things her own way.
Calixta's
arms pulled tighter around her blue sweater. "I haven't seen my sister in
almost five years, and now I don't even know where she *is.*"
She stood
and began pacing. "I realize you want me to come to the Christmas Festival,
Miakoda, but the truth is, I don't *like* Christmas. I don't like this time of
year." She stopped pacing and looked at the floor. "It's supposed to
be a season of joy, but I haven't felt joyful during Christmas for years."
Miakoda
stood and crossed the space between them to place a reassuring hand on
Calixta's arm. "Joy isn't necessarily about happy feelings. It has more to
do with faith, and being content no matter what the circumstances."
Calixta
jerked away. "Well I'm *not* content! It's all I can do to keep from
breaking down every year. I don't want a
lot—but it would be nice to see my family again." One treacherous tear
gathered on her lashes. "I'm just tired of being alone."
"Calixta,
God doesn't want you to be alone."
"Well,
He's sure not doing anything about it! I've been praying for years that I would
get to see my father and sister again, and I've been looking for them, and if
God *really* didn't want me to be alone, it wouldn't be so hard for him to do
something about it, right?"
"Calixta." Miakoda walked back to her chair and beckoned her.
Calixta
hesitated for a moment, and then took the seat across from the Navajo woman.
"This
news about your sister is bewildering, even to me. I can't imagine how you are
feeling. But you *can't* believe you will always be alone." Miakoda's eyes
softened. "We can never see it, but sometimes the darkest times in our
lives lead us to the greatest things God has for us."
------
--
The empty
desert rolled outside the window.
Her hands
gave a violent twitch and the package fell to the floor. She bent to pick it
up, but the woman sitting next to her reached it first.
"You
okay, honey?" the woman asked, and handed the food back to her, bracelets
clinking.
The
English words came with some difficulty. Not because she didn't remember, but
because she remembered too much. She hadn't spoken English since him.
"Okay."
The woman nodded, but the pity in her eyes brought an angry lump to
<
"You're
visiting
She
wished she knew where she was going. But all she knew was that she was leaving.
Her
foreigner had told her to leave. Before he left, he made her promise to get
out. To get away from her pimp, to get out of Baja.
She'd told him she would, to make him feel better, but she hadn't meant it. She
didn't have the courage to leave then.
But
now...she had no choice. Everything had changed.
------
--
"So
what happened when you reached
For a
moment, Miakoda said nothing. She stared into the empty mug she held in her
hands as though looking into the past itself. "Too much," she said
finally. "Eventually I broke down, and I had a heroin relapse. I got involved with my supplier. I told
myself I was doing better because I wasn't a prostitute, but in reality, I was
still selling myself.
"When
he got tired of me, a normal break-up wasn't possible. I knew too much about
him, and I was too unpredictable, erratic. He'd been in the business long
enough to know that an addict cut off from their supply can be capable of
anything. So on a business run between
"Bastard,"
Calixta muttered.
"Perhaps." Miakoda gave a wan smile. "Nevertheless, I am very
thankful for his cruelty. Being kicked out of that car changed my life. That
night I hit 'rock bottom,' as they say. When that happens, something inside you
changes. You are suddenly able to see things you could never see before. It can
drive a person crazy, or bring them to a point of such intense sanity that they
break under the pressure. Me, I had a vision."
"A vision?" Calixta knew her psychic friend sometimes sensed things
the rest of them could not, but she had never heard her speak of visions. Dreams, yes. Often, Miakoda would talk about dreams, how
they were important, how they held significance. "You mean like a
dream?"
"Not exactly. It was quite unlike anything I'd experienced before or
have experienced since. Many would say it was simply a hallucination brought on
by withdrawal, but I know the truth of it. I came face to face with my spirit
guide that night...my mother's spirit in the form of an owl. She led me to
Hope."
Calixta
nodded, recognizing the name of the small town in
"Yes.
Catharina helped me gain back my self-respect, and taught me that God is the
god of all peoples...that the Christian God and the Great Spirit are not
mutually incompatible...and regardless of what name we use, God is the God of
those that are lost...and those that are alone."
A pale
smile flitted across Calixta's face. "Thank you," she said softly.
Miakoda
nodded almost imperceptibly in acknowledgement, and then stood to clear the
mugs in preparation for the arrival of the rest of ECC. "Calixta, I
actually don't have any plans for Christmas Day at the moment, either. Would
you like to-"
"Yes."
Miakoda
just smiled.
------
--
A rousing
classical rendition of _Joy To the World_ played over an outdated stereo system
as Miakoda made her way across the packed common room, precariously holding two
glasses of eggnog over the heads of running children and little old ladies.
She
smiled, glancing toward Adara, who was having an animated conversation with one
of the community matrons about the best place to go Christmas shopping. Calixta
was standing next to them, munching on a piece of gingerbread and looking very
amused.
"She
shouldn't have gotten Adara started on shopping." Richard Price III,
Adara's boyfriend, grinned as he came up behind Miakoda. "We might be here
all night." He smiled at Miakoda disarmingly. "How are you,
Miakoda?"
"I—I'm
well, thank you Richard." Miakoda returned the smile. She looked down at
her hands, still holding the glasses inanely. "Eggnog?" she offered
suddenly.
"Thanks."
Richard took the drink. "It's been a while since I've seen you. You and
Adara don't hang out as much as you used to."
"Yes,
well, since Adara became field commander, she's had a lot more work to
do." Miakoda laughed a bit nervously. "But I'm sure you know that.
We've all been busier, really." She lowered her voice just perceptibly.
"Lucifer Hawk attacks are becoming more frequent."
Richard
leaned toward her conspiratorially. "So Adara tells me," he
responded, his voice also lowering. "
Miakoda
gave a small smile. "Don't worry. ECC is a very close unit. I don't think
any of us feels those kinds of inhibitions."
"Good.
And not just for Adara. You know I consider you a friend as well, and I want to
make sure we stay that way." He grinned and patted her lightly on the arm.
"I'd better get back to boyfriend duty. I'll talk to you later."
Miakoda
nodded, and watched him return to Adara's side. He wrapped one arm around her
and Adara reached a hand up to easily thread her fingers through his, not even
pausing in her conversation. <They fit so well together,> Miakoda thought
with a bittersweet sigh.
The
jangle of the sleigh bells hung over the door caught her attention. She turned
to see Amber Ramirez walk through the door, scanning the crowd in an agitated
manner.
"Amber!
Feliz Navidad!" Miakoda shouted slightly over the noise of the crowd. The
two women made their way across the crowd toward each other.
"Thanks,
Miakoda." Amber hugged the psychic briefly. She pulled back, and Miakoda
noticed tear tracks staining the younger woman's cheeks. "But...do you
have some time? I need to ask you something."
"Of course. What's wrong?" Miakoda said, with a concerned voice.
"Can—"
Amber looked around. "Can we go someplace quieter?"
"Sure."
Miakoda
led Amber to a side door and they exited onto a small covered porch. Miakoda
set her eggnog down on a railing, and turned to her coworker. "What is
it?"
Amber looked
across the parking lot at the blinking street lights for a moment, then turned back. "Calixta said you and she are
spending Christmas together. Could I...could I join you?" she said
quickly.
"But
you said you always spend Christmas with your family!" Miakoda was taken
slightly off-guard by the question. "You love Christmas with them."
Amber's
face darkened slightly. "I don't think I can handle it right now. I'm too
angry with him."
"Him?"
Amber
folded her arms and looked at the floor. "My
father." She took a deep breath. "I went to the hospital to
interview a woman who was injured at the Nordic Alliance protest rally, and...and I ran into my father. He was...he was there as a
patient, Miakoda!" Amber voice fairly shook with emotion. Miakoda wasn't
sure if it was anger or sadness. "He's...he's been having chemotherapy.
For over a month!" Amber looked up and gestured wildly. "Over
a month! And he didn't tell me anything!"
Miakoda
said nothing, waiting for Amber to say more.
"How
could he keep something like that from the whole family? Mami is the only one
who knew anything, and he made her promise not to tell. I'm just
so...so..." Amber looked up Miakoda, her eyes full of helplessness.
"...angry with him," she finished lamely.
Miakoda
felt a slight tug at her consciousness. "It's more than that, isn't
it?"
Amber
sighed deeply. "This isn't the first time he's kept things from me. Important things." She tapped her fist against her
chest. "Things I should know.
"When
I was in high school," Amber continued, "someone gave me this
crystal. I don't know who it was, but I know my father suspects who. Someone had
talked to him about me, about my powers, a long time ago. It's possible there
are other truthsayers, other people like me, out there. But I will never know,
because my father would not let them speak to me, and he didn't even tell me
about them. The only reason I know as much as I do, is
because...because..." Amber's face flushed. "Because he *lied* to me.
My father lied to me."
"Amber,"
Miakoda took a deep breath. "You have to forgive him."
Amber
blinked. "I don't know if I can right now."
"I
know the truth is important to you," Miakoda continued. "But you love
your father. And he needs you to love him. Especially
now." Miakoda looked upwards at the stars, barely visible through
the streetlights. "I know your father doesn't want to lose you. Family is
a precious thing," she whispered.
Amber's
brow furrowed slightly as she looked at Miakoda. It was as though something
hovered around her words, something that seemed to chill the air. Amber touched
her necklace without thinking, but found it warm.
"Spend
Christmas with your family, Amber," Miakoda said, and opened the door,
allowing warmth and music to spill out. "Remember," she said,
touching the small gold crucifix pinned to Amber's coat lapel, "forgiveness
is the most precious gift."
------
--
The scent
of fresh pine was sharp on the breeze, mingling with the energetic shrieks of
the children on the playground. Miakoda smiled wanly, watching them. She
settled onto the bench, stuffed a newly-filled prescription bottle to the
bottom of her bag, and pulled a pen and journal out.
As she
did so, a flash of red hair caught her eye. A little girl stood at the top of
the slide, her grin wide and her cheeks glowing like her blazing hair.
"Watch
me, Mommy! Watch me!" the girl trilled.
A dark
cloud passed over Miakoda's eyes. Her pen sagged, lifeless in her hand.
Even
though she had counseled Amber to always forgive, and to forgive completely,
Miakoda knew that there was someone she had not forgiven.
The wind
gusted, and the girl slid down the slide, her innocent laughter echoing in a
long-empty hole in Miakoda's heart.
While it
was one thing to forgive someone else, it was another thing entirely to forgive
yourself.
--------------------------------------
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