Chapter 11

1 month later
1800 EST
Mac's Office

I stare out my office window and watch as the rain trickles down the glass. Each drop of rain follows the one before slowly down, until it unexpectedly breaks in a different direction. Looking closely at the glass I can't see anything that makes the new drop of rain change course, but it still does. Something unseen or unplanned takes them away from their intended course. I feel like one of those drops of rain. My life seemed to have finally been moving in the direction I wanted, but then….it all went to hell.

I silently chastise myself. Feeling sorry for myself won't change anything and I'll only stay miserable. I know Jabir wouldn't want that. I move back to my chair and sit back down at my desk. I catch Harm's form at the corner of my eye and pick up the first file I can find, pretending to bury myself in it.

"Hey Mac. A couple of us are getting together at McMurphy's tonight… Want to come?"

His look is hopeful, but I'm not in the mood for a noisy bar and the energy it takes to pretend that I'm having a good time. I smile at him trying to soften the blow and gesture to my desk covered with files. "No thanks Harm. I've got a lot of work to get done tonight."

"Oh, ok." I can hear the disappointment in his tone. This is the third time this week I've turned him down to meet the group at McMurphy's. I look back to the file I am pretending to read, waiting for him to leave. Instead he comes in and closes the door, sitting down across from me. I groan silently to myself. He isn't going to let this go. I've been avoiding this talk with him for a month, but I have a feeling I'm not getting out of it this time.

He stares at me, debating his words. "Mac, I really think you need to get out and spend some time with your friends. You've been shutting yourself up and burying everything in your work. It's not good Marine."

Anger initially races through me at his meddling, but I know he's just trying to be a good friend. I try one more time to deflect this conversation, but he's got that look like a pit bull. "Harm, I've just been busy. I don't have time to go and hang out when I have 3 court martials to prepare for next week."

"Come on, Mac. You're not any busier than the rest of us. Come with us tonight. It'll do you some good."

I snort at his thought that it would do me some good. I see the hurt look in his eyes and I know I need to explain the battle I've been waging for the last few months since Jabir was killed.

"Harm, being at a bar is NOT a good idea for me right now." I can see the momentary confusion and then panic flash across his face; I know he's wondering if I've fallen off the wagon.

"I'm sorry Mac. I didn't even think of that." He immediately becomes contrite and looks away for a few moments. Turning back to me he searches my face for any sign of the answer to his unspoken question. "Have you… I mean… are you…"

I can tell he doesn't want to say the words out loud. "No, Harm. I haven't started drinking and I don't intend to. That's one of the reasons I don't want to go to McMurphy's with the group tonight."

"One of the reasons?" His look is pleading with me to tell him the rest and I find myself giving in. It would feel really good to talk to someone; I just didn't think Harm would want to listen to this. The thought makes me feel guilty. He's done everything he can to try and help, why wouldn't he want to listen?

I get up and move away from him, creating the distance I need to do this. I find myself at my office window, once again watching the drops of rain slide down the glass. "I don't feel like going out and pretending to be happy when I'm not. Some days, getting out of bed is the hugest struggle." The next part comes out more bitter than I intend, but it's the truth. "And I really don't feel like hanging out with happy couples who have what I don't anymore. It just reminds me of everything I've lost." I feel tears start to threaten and I stop, trying to regain my composure.

I feel him move to stand just behind me, placing his hand softly on my shoulder. "I can't pretend to know how you're feeling. I understand if you don't want to be around any deliriously happy couples, but we're your friends and we love you. We just want to help. Mac, we're worried about you."

His last words break my resolve and I cry softly. Harm moves to put his arms around me and holds me. He waits for me to regain my composure and then turns me gently to face him.

"You know. I'm not part of a happy couple. I'm as miserably single as a man can get, so maybe if you don't want to hang out with the group you could just spend some time with me?" I know he's trying to cheer me up. Between the poor me tone in his voice and the puppy dog look he is giving me I can't help but smile through my tears.

***Harm's POV***

I'd try anything right now to get even the tiniest smile from her. As she looks up at me, my heart does sommersaults. Her face is streaked with tears, but she has the simplest smile on her face. I'm still hopelessly in love with her, but right now I know she just needs a good friend and I'm determined to give that to her. Truthfully, I would give her anything she asked for.

"So, what do you say? Hang out with this grumpy old bachelor tonight? We can do anything you want." I hold my breath waiting for her answer.

"I suppose I can do a little charity work tonight and hang out with a sailor." I give her my best mock hurt look and she laughs softly. Her grin doesn't quite reach her eyes, but it's a start.

4 months later
1900 EST
Roberts' Home

***Harriett's POV***

Colonel Mackenzie and Captain Rabb are coming over tonight for the first time in months. Well, Capt. Rabb has been over consistently, but the Colonel hasn't come over since just before her husband's death. I've been worried about her. She seems to have shut herself off from everyone. The Capt. seems to be the only exception. I've picked up little bits of conversation between the two and they seem to make plans together quite often. I can see them growing closer; regaining the trust they used to share. I wonder if it's too much to hope that they could find happiness together. The ringing of the doorbell brings me out of my reverie.

"Hello Sir, Ma'm" I'm instantly chastised by both of them.

"Harriet, we're in your own home!"

I smile sheepishly and wave them in. "Sorry, it's just habit. Come on in. Bud will be back in a few minutes. I had to send him to the store." I lead them into the front room where the kids are playing, though not quietly. "I still have a few things left to prepare for dinner. Could the two of you watch the kids for me while I finish up in the kitchen?"

They both nod their heads and I see Harm instantly scoop baby Sarah up in his arms. She giggles with delight and lil AJ pounces on Mac while chastising her for not coming over to play with him. I smile at how good they both are with my children. Now if only they could have their own, together.

***Mac's POV***

I feel guilty for avoiding my friends like I have. It was just too hard at the time, but with Harm's help I feel ready to face the outside world again. He's been such a good friend and I feel lucky to have him in my life.

Right now I'm sitting on the couch reading to lil AJ and Harm's holding baby Sarah. I think it might be one of the sweetest sights I've ever seen. He's so tender with her, and the sight of Harmon Rabb Jr. talking baby talk is one I could get used to. Whoa, where did that thought come from? I feel myself blush at the thought and look back to find him staring at me with a perplexed look on his face. Trying to hide my embarrassment, I decide that Harriet must need some sort of help in the kitchen.

***Harm's POV***

Why was Mac looking at me like that? And why did she turn so red when she caught my gaze. Its almost as if she was picturing me with….. our child? No, I must be mistaken, but a man can dream after all. Whatever it was, she sure left abruptly. My attention is pulled back to baby Sarah as she smacks me on my face. She giggles at my reaction and I think of how much I want my own child. One that has either Mac's looks and my brains. Or vice versa. Just as long as part of my child is Mac's too.

***Harriet's POV***

Mac comes into the kitchen looking flushed and I wonder what happened. She looks at me and quickly asks if there is anything she can do to help while explaining that Harm has the kids covered. The way she says it gives me a suspicion about the reason for her red face.

I decide to test my theory and look over innocently, giving her my best smile. "Yeah, he's pretty great with them. He'll make a good father someday."

"Yes, he will." Her soft expression as she responds confirms my suspicions and I smile to myself knowing that things are starting to move from friendship towards something else. Even if she hasn't figured that out yet.

"Mac, how are you doing? I mean really doing?"

"I'm doing better." I raise my eyebrows and give her my best mom look while waiting expectantly for the rest of her answer.

She smiles and continues. "When I think of Jabir now, it isn't as painful as it was a few months ago. My memories of him bring me comfort instead of heartache, usually. I still miss him, and I think to some degree I always will. Harm has been the hugest support during this time. I really don't think I would be in very good shape without him."

"He cares about you, a great deal." I can't blurt out that he's still in love with her; it's not my place.

She looks pensive at my comment and doesn't say anything for a moment. "I care about him too. He's very… important to me."

I know I'm risking a lot by making my next statement, but I think I know what is holding her back in her feelings for Harm. "You know. Jabir would want you to be happy. He wouldn't want you to be alone for the rest of your life. If you're lucky enough to find love again, don't turn it away thinking it would be a betrayal of what you had with Jabir."

She looks back to me quickly; a bit surprised at the boldness of my statement. She starts to respond but at that moment Bud walks into the kitchen with the few groceries I sent him after. I wonder what her response would have been, but the rest of the night passes quickly and they're walking out the door before I get a chance to talk to her again.

As Mac hugs me, she smiles softly. "Thanks Harriet. For everything." Her last words let me know that she isn't mad at my statement. I watch them walk out together and I hope once again that they can find happiness with each other.

3 months later
0900 EST
Mac's apartment

It's a Saturday and I'm trying to figure out what to do to keep myself busy. I went running this morning for a couple of hours. I've been doing a lot of that the last few months and I'm probably in the best shape I've ever been in. Running clears my head better than anything else. Well, almost anything else. Harm does a pretty good job at that too. I hear the phone ringing and hope that it is Harm ready to save me from a boring Saturday.

"Hello?"

"Mac, it's Harm"

"Hey. What ya need?"

"Well, I was wondering if you were busy today. I was going to go flying and thought maybe you'd want to come?"

"Hmm. Lets see. Today I was planning on doing my laundry, organizing my kitchen utensils, picking the annoying fuzz balls off my sweaters…"

His laughter warms my heart. "So, is that a yes?"

"Definitely . What time do you want me to meet you at the airfield?"

"Oh don't worry about that. I'll pick you up. Say in about an hour and a half? Will that give you enough time to get ready and do your girl stuff."

"Hey squid. You're talking to a marine here. I've been up for hours. I've already even run my 10 miles for the day."

He laughs again. 'Hey, don't worry about lunch. I've got it covered. And yes, I'll bring something other than leafy vegetables."

"You better. If not I may end up snacking on you." Oh crap! Tell me I didn't just say that out loud. What the hell was I thinking? I'm glad he's on the phone instead of here so he can't see me turning the reddest shade possible. The silence is unbearable and he clears his throat.

***Harm's POV***

Did she just say she was going to snack on me? The thought brings images into my head and I barely swallow a groan of excitement. What do I say to that? I know she's probably embarrassed about the comment, and I struggle for a response.

"Well, since they'd probably kick you out of the marines for that I'll make sure I bring a dead animal in some form." That was lame but at least it wasn't some stupid red light comment. I'm not going to discourage any desire on her part to snack on me! She recovers and seems grateful I didn't make a big deal out of her slip. We break the connection and I'm still trying to get the idea out of my head of her snacking on me. Did she mean to say that? Does it mean she's seeing me differently? As someone other than just a friend? I pray that it is what it means and rush around trying to get everything ready for an afternoon of flying in more ways than one.

3 hours later
Somewhere over Virginia

***Harm's POV***

Her squeals of joy as we do loops makes my heart beat faster than the thrill of flying ever could. She's laughing harder than I've heard in years and I can't help but feel elated that it has something to do with me.

"You ready for some lunch? There's a clearing up ahead with a great spot to relax and enjoy the view."

"Absolutely. I'm starving!"

I land the plane and jump out so that I can give her a hand down. She looks incredibly today. She just has a simple tank top under a long sleeve shirt and jeans, but she could look good in sweats. Reaching my hand up, I take hers and help her down from the plane.

"Thanks flyboy."

She called me flyboy! I can feel the silly grin spreading over my face at the term of endearment she hasn't used in close to 3 years. Now she's looking at me trying to figure out why I have a goofy grin plastered to my face.

"What are you so happy about?" she asks as she laughs.

I shrug. "I'm spending time with 2 of my favorite Sarah's today. What could be better?" At the look of surprise on her face, I realize what I just said. It's my turn to be embarrassed, but I don't mind if she knows. Her stomach rumbles and I laugh as she peaks inside the picnic basket.

"So, what kind of good stuff ya got in there?"

We spend the next hour eating and laughing at some of the antics of lil AJ and baby Sarah. The conversation turns silent and she yawns.

"Want to take a quick nap before we head back?" Her grateful nod makes me glad I packed a couple of extra blankets. I motion her over to me and she lays her head on my chest. Minutes of silence have passed when I hear her mumble my name. I can tell she's on the edge of sleep but her voice is full of yearning. "Harm, do you think I'll ever find love again. Like I had with Jabir?"

Her voice is mixed with a tinge of sadness and longing and my heart aches to tell her that I want her to find that with me. "You will, Sarah. I promise." Her steady breathing lets me know she's asleep and I wonder if she even heard me. The sensation of her in my arms relaxes me and I find myself fighting sleep. My last thought is of how right it feels to be holding her and that I never want to let go.

2 months later
1130 EST
JAG HQ

***Admiral Chegwidden's POV***

The sounds of Rabb and Mackenzie arguing break through the bullpen and I stop in shock trying to remember the last time I heard them fighting with each other. As I listen closer, I can tell that though their voices are raised, they aren't angry at each other. I sigh in relief and watch as the two round the corner still bantering with each other. .

"Harm, you didn't honestly think I was going to fall for that did you?" She looks at him with an expression mixed with amusement and disbelief.

Rabb shrugs. "I had to try it, Mac. My client deserves a vigorous defense."

She snorts at his comment. "Your client is guilty as hell and you know it. He deserves to go to Leavenworth and that is exactly where I am going to send him"

"I just can't believe that didn't work. I must be losing my touch." Rabb frowns at her.

"I know all your tricks, Sailor. Don't forget that the next time you try to sandbag me in court."

"Oh Mac, you definitely don't know all my tricks." Harm stares at her with his patented flyboy grin along with a raised eyebrow.

At that moment Mac notices my presence and turns bright red at the last comment. Her flabbergasted look is not lost on Rabb who turns to see what has her attention. I have to hold back the laughter as he stands ramrod straight. I could let them off easy, but I can't resist the urge to mess with Rabb at least a little bit.

"Rabb. What tricks would you be referring to?" His complexion turns a ghostly white and from the corner of my eye I see Mac trying to hold back her laughter.

"Uh, courtroom strategy, sir. I didn't intend it to sound inappropriate. My apologies, sir." At the rate he is backpedaling he's going to land on his six any second. I give him one last glare and narrow my eyes at him. I decide not to embarrass Mac since I have a soft spot for her and she has to put up with Rabb's ego as it is.

As I walk away, I hear Mac snicker out loud and I know Rabb must be giving her his best glare because she suddenly bursts out in laughter and walks to her office. I find myself grinning as I think of how things are back to normal. Actually, they're really better than they ever were. Those two are growing closer and the depth of their friendship goes beyond anything they ever shared before Mac left on that mission. I wonder if anything more is going on, but from Rabb's comments I don't think they have crossed that line, yet.

4 hours later
JAG library

***Mac's POV***

I'm sitting here surrounded by law books hoping to find an obscure reference to help with the new case Harm and I just got. I stretch my arms and roll my neck to get some of the kinks out. As I look across the table, I see Harm intently studying another law book. I take the moment to study him and my feelings for him. We've regained our friendship and the easy joking and banter is back. But is there more? As I look at his handsome features and study the lines of his face I think over the last few months and even years. I'm not surprised to find that I love him. I don't think I ever stopped loving him. But that isn't what I'm feeling right now. No, I'm in love with him. I feel a tinge of guilt, as if I'm betraying Jabir. But it fades quickly as Harriet's words come back to me and remind me that he would want me to find happiness. She's right too. I know Jabir would want that for me.

I wonder how he feels about me. I know he loves me as a friend, but is he in love with me? He was at one time, but I don't know anymore. I gradually realize that I'm not staring at the top of his head anymore but into his brilliant blue eyes. My first instinct is to look away from the intensity of his gaze, but I find myself searching his eyes. Hoping to find an answer to my unspoken question. My breath catches as I see his eyes fill with love and desire.

***Harm's POV***

I feel her eyes on me, studying me. She seems lost in another world as I raise my eyes to hers. I watch her emotions play across her face. I can tell the moment she realizes I am looking back at her. At first I think she is going to look away, but she holds my gaze; her eyes asking me a silent question. I try to convey my feelings for her with one simple look.

"Sarah." My voice is barely a whisper. Desire arcs between us like fingers of electricity stroking our skin.

The moment is lost as Bud and Harriet come into the library bringing the results of their search for information. I look to her and silently vow that we will finish the unspoken conversation started this evening. Soon, I'll say the words out loud. My heart is beating fast as I realize that I am so close to having what I desire most.

Next evening
1800 EST
Mac's Apt

***Mac's POV***

Harm is lazing on the couch while I check on the baked Salmon we're having for dinner. He has been giving me cooking lessons, in attempt to 'broaden my talents'. Tonight is the first dish I've made entirely on my own and I'm really hoping it comes out all right.

We haven't talked about last night's moment in the library but I'm content to let things move forward between us without pushing. When I looked into his eyes last night, any doubts about his feelings were put to rest. I feel safe in the knowledge that he loves me and when the time is right we will move forward.

***Harm's POV***

I move from the couch and watch as she checks on the salmon she is baking for us tonight. I'm actually really impressed that she has picked up cooking so quickly, but I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. I think she's capable of doing anything.

"Harm, will you toss me the hot pad?"

Oh, I can't resist this. I have a clear shot at her. I send it sailing through the air and it thumps her directly in the back of her head. "Oh sorry, thought you were going to catch it."

"That's a little hard to do when my back is facing you." She turns and gives me her best glare, but I can see the edges of her mouth turning up in a smile. That however is replaced by a different look. Uh oh. That's her payback is hell look.

"Harm, could you come give me a hand with this?" Her smile is innocent but the mischievousness in her eyes is kind of scary, in a really sexy sort of way. She must sense my hesitation because she snickers. Ok, that's a challenge. I can take the best she has to offer.

I move over to help her, while trying to keep an eye on her. She asks me to get a bowl off her top shelf. I am forced to take my eyes off of her for one second when I feel a spray of water hit me in the back. What the?? Turning I barely have enough time to see her point the spray nozzle from the kitchen sink at me and then the next thing I know I am getting drenched. She is laughing hysterically and the sound of it warms me in spite of the cold dousing I am getting.

"This is war, jarhead." I barely manage to say as she aims the spray directly at my face. I rush forward and catch her before she can get away. Grabbing the nozzle from her I hold her in my arms and proceed to drench her from head to toe. Our laughter fills the apartment and I feel the best I have in years. She's struggling to get away but refuses to cry uncle, which makes me laugh even more. She is so stubborn! I decide to show mercy and put the nozzle away but hold her close.

She struggles again to get away but only ends up turning in my arms to face me. She looks up at me laughing and I am struck by how beautiful she is. The moment changes as I feel the soft outlines of her pressed against me. Her white tank top is soaked and hiding very little of her. She's so close and my body his humming with the sexual tension between us. I need to taste her. As she sees my hunger, her eyes darken with her own desire. I slowly lower my mouth to hers. What starts out as a gentle brush against her lips turns into a mind-numbing kiss. All of my senses are on fire as she opens her mouth to me and our tongues stroke each other. Her soft moans of approval fuel my need for her.

***Mac's POV***

He eases me backwards and traps my body between his and the counter, pressing against me as his mouth devours mine. He moves his mouth to gently suck on one of my ear lobes while his hand trails down tugging the wet strap of my tank top off my shoulder. If it weren't for him pressing me against the counter I don't think I could even stand right now. I feel my breathing become ragged as he traces a fiery path of kisses from my neck down to my collarbone and still lower. Every nerve I have is overloaded with his touch, but still I need more. I vaguely register the loss of his warmth and open my eyes to find him staring back at me with the most incredible look on his face.

"Harm?"

"Sarah, before we go any further. I need to tell you how I feel. I need to make sure you know." He is struggling for breath and his words come out in a breathy whisper. He stands up and holds my face in his hands, tilting my face up to him.

"Sarah, I love you so much. I don't want to lose another day that could be spent with you. I don't want to take the chance again that you might not know how much I'm in love with you."

My heart soars at his declaration of love. "Harm, I love you too. I don't think I ever stopped loving you." He presses his finger against my mouth and smiles softly.

"I know." He lowers his mouth to mine again and I feel myself getting lost in the sensation. The next thing I know he scoops me up into his arms and is carrying me to my bedroom.

He looks down at me and smiles. "We have unfinished business and I'd prefer to finish it somewhere more comfortable." As I look up into his loving eyes, I find myself breathless at the depth of my feelings for him. I know I'll spend the rest of my life with this man and I know I've finally found home.

End

Hope you enjoyed. =0)