7 months later
Sheik Al-Farabi's Palace

***Mac's POV***

It's been 7 months since I slipped that first bit of information to my contact. I'm getting tired of this charade, but we don't have enough information to determine who all of the major players are. There has also been talk of one of Bin Laden's top men coming to Al-Farabi's palace to help make plans for a large attack on American interests. Fortunately, my information allowed Webb to stop the first attempt by Al-Farabi to gain the nuclear warhead. But the danger is still too real and I've become too invaluable on the inside. So far no one has really paid me any attention, except Sheik Raihan's son, Jabir. He always watches quietly, but has never spoken to me directly. At first his constant attention scared me. I thought maybe he was onto me. But the look in his eyes isn't one of suspicion. He actually seems kind, which I tell myself is a mistake to think. If I let my guard down, it could easily cost me my life.

My life? I wonder what is left of that? I've been here so much longer than I would have thought and there doesn't seem to be any end in sight. I've been wondering lately what everyone is involved in and how they are doing. I'll bet lil AJ is getting so big. Ok, I'm having a self pity moment… I can't help but wonder if they miss me? Harm, especially. Is he dating anyone? Yeah, probably another blonde bimbo. Hell, at this rate he could be married with kids by the time I get back. The thought brings painful images to my mind.

My distraction causes me to almost overfill a glass of wine and I silently curse my carelessness. Once again I feel his eyes on me, but today his usual look of kindness has been replaced with something else. Something more primal. I can feel the heat of his gaze as he follows my movements around the room. As I come to serve him, he lightly strokes my hand. I raise my eyes to his in surprise and I see the hunger and desire there. What shocks me most is my own reaction as his fingers trail a hot path down my hand. I barely suppress a shiver of desire and move quickly to serve the man sitting next to him. The rest of the meeting is torture as I feel him once again follow my movements through the room. I silently rebuke myself for feeling so much when he touched me. I can't allow myself to be distracted by those kinds of feelings.

The knock at the door is a welcome distraction and I notice with some shock that Sheik Raihan and another man enter the room. Sheik Raihan hasn't been here for months since his son has been coming in his place. It's been my opinion that Al-Farabi isn't the one fronting most of the money. This suspicion and the need to know who is the major player, is one of the reasons I am still here. Raihan really is the more plausible key figure in this. Al-Farabi again dismisses everyone and I leave the room, noticing that Jabir stays behind. I'm trying desperately to figure out how to get back into that room, when suddenly the door opens and I'm called back in. My stomach clenches as I wonder what could possibly be wanted of me. Al-Farabi orders me to remove the plates and dishes from the room and I nod and set to work. Fortunately, they are speaking mostly in Russian. I try to appear uninterested and deaf to the conversation, as I gather the remnants of the last meeting. My heart beats excitedly as I realize they are making plans for another buy. From what I am hearing, Sheik Raihan is definitely the one organizing and arranging the buy. This confirmation should help us track down the money trail and find others involved. Mentally I'm filing every word away so that I can slip it to my contact later. I try to fill the tray so that I can have the excuse of one more trip. As I hurry back out and in I notice that the meeting has concluded and only Jabir sits in the room. I silently swear to myself as I realize the third man has left and I don't know who he is. At least I have the meeting time and place. Hopefully that will be enough. I try to quickly remove the rest of the dishes as I feel Jabir's eyes on me.

"Amirah" My name is barely a whisper on his lips. I freeze as I realize he is standing just behind me. My mind races as I try to think of how to take my leave without angering him. I've learned in the meetings that he gets what he wants as the Sheik's son. He has always been considerate of others, without being too demanding. But no one denies him something he wants. I vaguely realize he is speaking to me in Farsi as he moves to face me. His eyes capture mine again and I have a hard time concentrating on how to get out of the room. Unless you've been subjected to wearing a burqua, you could never understand how dehumanizing these garments are to a woman. They make you invisible and undesirable. And right now, I am neither to the man standing in front of me and I can't help the desire that races through me. What is happening to me?

"Amirah, do you know your name means princess?" I shake my head slightly not trusting my voice at this point. "I see strength in your eyes, and intelligence." As he moves closer, he traces his finger down my jaw and I hear the fabric rustle under his fingers. "It is such a shame that you must cover your beauty like this. Perhaps you will let me see your face?" As he says it I feel his fingers lift the material up and away from me. The warning bells are going off in my head. Move, do something! But what? I'm a marine, but I can't exactly flip him and walk away. This is a whole different game I am playing.

As he uncovers my face, I see a smile tug at his mouth. His lips look so soft and inviting. The feelings Jabir is awakening in me frighten me. I stand here still frozen not knowing how to get out of this situation. He moves his hand to once again caress my face with his fingers, but this time there are no barriers between us. My eyes flutter closed as he lightly touches my lips and I swallow a moan of pleasure. "Do you know what else I see in your eyes?" His question makes me force my eyes back open as I wait for him to finish. "So much pain. You have been betrayed by love?" How can he possibly see that in my eyes? How can this man whom I've never said a word to read me so well? The thought scares me and excites me at the same time. I watch as Jabir studies me intently for a few moments more.

"Will you say nothing to me? Will you not let me hear the way my name sounds on your lips?" How he can make that simple request sound so incredibly sexual, is a mystery to me. I realize he wants me to say something and my alarm must register as he looks closer at me. "Are you afraid of me, Amirah?" My half nod seems to cause him discomfort at the thought that I would fear him. As he starts to move closer again, I hear his father and Al-Farabi talking as they move towards the room. Jabir quickly replaces my burqua and moves away. I take that as my cue to gather the remaining dishes and exit just as the other two men enter the room from another door. My first objective is to get the information to my contact, but I know it is too late to go to the market without arising suspicion. Retiring to my tiny room I lay down exhausted and remove the heavy garments. The look in his eyes are burned into my mind. My lips still tingle from the feel of his fingers. I groan in frustration as I try to go to sleep, but my dreams are filled with Jabir's touch.

***Next morning***

As soon as I can, I make my way to the market and spend the usual time looking through the different vendor's carts. I always try to buy something from other carts to make sure that if someone is watching it will look normal. As I reach my contact, I make a pretense of bartering with him and then after agreeing upon a price I slip him the money and tiny slip of information. Once again, I can only pray they get the information in time. As I make my way back through the market I sense that I am being watched and icy fear pricks the back of my neck. Damn it, if my contact is discovered both of our lives will be over before Webb can even think of getting to us. I feel my heart speed up as I try to pick my way through the carts, stopping at different ones. As I'm looking at some finely woven scarves I hold them up while trying to look around to find my tail. I think I see someone duck around a corner but I can't be certain. Do I go back to Al-Fabir's place? I can't exactly run to the nearest American embassy since there aren't any in Iraq. I mentally go through my options while I continue to look at different scarves, all the while trying to keep my breathing under control. I know I have no choice but to return to Al-Fabir's. As I put the scarf back down, I hear Jabir's voice negotiating the sale of the scarf I was looking at. I turn to him in surprise as he completes the sale and then hands it to me. I know my eyes must show my confusion because he just laughs softly and tells me that I should have something beautiful to match my eyes. He walks away with me holding the scarf and I stare after him.

I'm admittedly confused at his actions. This is the last place I expected to find kindness and the type of attention he is showing me. I'm not saying that all the men are cruel here, because that isn't true. But women hold a lower place in most of this society. Sure the Quran talks of equality between the sexes, but something seems to get lost in the actual implementation of it. What makes me more wary is that I am in one of the lowest social classes of their system, while he enjoys one of the highest roles. The only logical explanation is that something must be going on. I mentally go through everything I have done trying to determine if I have blown my cover. I am sure now that he was the one watching me in the market and I can only hope that he doesn't know about my contact.

***A few days later***

The last few days have been agonizing as I wait, certain that I will be discovered. The thought to pass my contact word that we may be exposed has entered my mind a hundred times, but I can't risk going to see him if someone is watching. I have woken in a cold sweat the last 3 nights with nightmares of torture and death. Today I hope to find out if Webb was successful in getting my information. I know the exchange was to take place last night and I should be able to tell if Al-Fabir was successful. I haven't seen Jabir since that day in the market, but as I walk into the room to serve the men I sense his eyes on me immediately. I can also tell that Al-Fabir is barely containing his anger as he keeps looking at Jabir suspiciously. Half way through the meeting I get the answer I was waiting for as Sheik Raihan bursts into the room shouting at Al-Fabir. The best I can tell they are accusing each other of leaking the information for the exchange, which was unsuccessful again. The confirmation makes me incredibly relieved. The shouting gets louder as Jabir rises to his father's defense that he would never betray his friends. A strange feeling of fear for Jabir enters me as I realize that Al-Fabir is now accusing him of leaking the information. Al-Fabir quickly points out that the first botched attempt happened the first day that Jabir started to come in his father's place. I stand frozen again as everyone but Jabir, and the two sheiks exit the room. I slowly make my way to one of the back doors as I hear Sheik Raihan explode at Al-Fabir in anger. Watching these men interact for 7 months has shown me that Sheik Raihan holds a slightly more powerful and influential position in society than Al-Fabir does. I quietly slip to the door as I hear Raihan demand an apology and 'some sort of payment or retribution' for his accusation against his son. His request for payment catches me completely off-guard as I realize they are both waiting for Jabir to make his demands. The tension in the room grows and my heart completely stops as I hear my name.

I am halfway out the door and I'm pretty sure they can't see me. As I slip out the rest of the way I hear Jabir demand that I be given to him as payment. The last I hear is his father trying to talk him out of it, not understanding what he could want with a servant. I breathe in relief as I realize they didn't notice my exit and rush to my room. I have to leave now or I know I won't get out of this country. I gather a few tiny things and hide them under my heavy garments, intending to go to the market and then hide wherever if needed. I walk as calmly as I can towards the servants exit when I hear my name. I stop and turn slowly to see Jabir and the two sheiks staring at me. I keep my eyes downward as I wait for them to explain, hoping that Jabir's request hasn't been approved. My mouth goes dry as I hear Sheik Al-Fabir inform me that I have been 'given' to Jabir and will leave with him immediately. His father takes one look at me and walks away with Al-Fabir, leaving me alone with Jabir.

"Amirah, you don't need to fear me. I won't hurt you." As he guides me with him I feel my last hope for freedom shrinking away in the background. I realize my nightmares of disappearing are coming true. How will Webb find me now?

Friday
(4 days later)
Harm's office

It's been 8 months since Mac left for this mission. Everyday I've hoped to hear the news that she would be returning. And everyday I've waited in vain. From the little that the Admiral has shared I know that she has already helped them stop two attempts to purchase nuclear warheads from different Russian groups. I found out through my own sources that she is actually in Iraq. Iraq, where there are no US embassies and a mad man reigns in power. Now I understand why the Admiral was so unsure that she would return from this mission. If her cover is blown, there is no one to help her.

2 months ago she was officially re-assigned to the State department indefinitely and I'm starting to think I'll never see her sweet smile again. I spend hours staring at pictures of her, but when I close my eyes I can only see the pain etched into her beautiful face. Pain that I am solely responsible for. I would give anything to hold her in my arms and tell her that I love her. I realized that I do and there isn't anything more important than being with her. Hell, I realized that as soon as the Admiral told me that he didn't know if Mac would come back. It's pathetic that it took losing her to make me see how much I need her in my life.

Harriet and Bud miss her and worry about her constantly. They're always asking if I've heard anything. Whenever I see lil AJ he asks me where Aun Mac is. Harriet told me he prays every night that she will come back and play with him. I didn't tell them but I pray every night for her too. Some nights I have the most incredible dreams about us. She's in my arms and her skin is so soft against mine. Her face is filled with love for me as I caress her. Other nights I have nightmares as my harsh words to her echo through my ears. If I'm honest, it's mostly the nightmares that I have.

Work seems empty without her. It's not just me either. I've heard others comment on how things have changed since she's been gone. I'll bet Mac would never believe me if I told her. She always saw herself as less important than she was. My melancholy is disrupted as I see Webb make his first appearance in 8 months. I know he's called the Admiral several times with updates, but I don't think he's talked to him in person. I tried getting information out of him at first as well, but I got the same answer every time. "It's classified"

I feel Webb's nervousness as he enters the bullpen and looks towards Mac's old office and then mine. He quickly looks away from me but in that instant I see fear in his eyes. I start to go after him, but he escapes quickly into the Admiral's office. At first everything is quiet, but then I hear a crash and the Admiral is yelling loudly at Webb. I can't tell exactly what is being said but the whole bullpen has stopped with the noise going on in the Admiral's office. Moments later Webb walks out holding his eye and beats a hasty retreat out of the office. As he is leaving the Admiral yells after him. "You sure as hell better find her Webb or I will make you regret the day you asked for her help." Looking around he glares at everyone and barks at them to get back to work. Harriet, Bud and I are frozen as we realize that he has to be talking about Mac. Just as the admiral gets to his office door, he calls for us to come in.

The silence stretches on forever as I watch the Admiral try to control his emotions. He's been extra irritable while Mac has been gone. Mostly I think he's just worried about her, but I can see some guilt at allowing her to take the assignment. As he slips into his chair, he motions for us to sit as well. As he drops his head in his hands, my heart sinks further at his hopelessness.

"Sir?" Harriet quietly speaks up. "Is this about Colonel Mackenzie?"

"Yes Lt." The admiral looks at each of us and I can see the pain in his eyes. He turns away from us as he relates the news from Webb. "Colonel Mackenzie has disappeared. No one knows where she is or if she is even still alive." His last statement brings a gasp from Harriett and I watch as the Admiral silently berates himself for sharing that last bit.

I feel numb as I hear the Admiral tell us that Mac is missing. I listen as he explains that she had been placed in the home of a sheik we suspected was fronting the money for the nuclear arms sales. The only information they have is that there was a confrontation at the Sheiks home after the second botched arms deal and now Mac is missing. Not knowing if her cover has been blown they can't overtly ask too many questions, and she was the only inside operative so there is no other source from which to get information.

The admiral turns away again and I hear Harriet crying as Bud tries to comfort her. Hearing her distress, he turns back to her. "We all know how tough she is and if there is anyone who can make it out of this it is her. I'm not giving up on her so I don't expect you to either."

I hear a muffled "yes, sir" from Harriet and I know I should say something but I'm still numb. Mac is gone?

"Is there anything we can do to help, Sir?" Bud quietly asks

"Not right now, but I'll let you know." Bud silently gains permission from his CO and he gently escorts Harriet to his office where he can comfort her in private.

I'm still sitting here trying to accept what I've been told. I vaguely register the Admiral's eyes on me.

"Rabb, when we find her I want you with the team that goes to pick her up."

I give a half nod and as I stand up he moves in front of me. "Dammit, Rabb. Don't you dare give up on her. We will find her. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, sir." I wait for him to dismiss me and stop at my office just long enough to pick up my briefcase and cover. I hear whispers as I walk out the door but mostly all I hear is the Admiral telling me that she's missing and doesn't even know if she is still alive.

I'm not sure how I made it home, but I proceed to get completely drunk once I'm safely in my apartment. Right now I can't deal with all the voices in my head. I keep relieving all the chances I've had with her that I let slip through my fingers. I keep seeing the hope in her eyes and then the pain, as I tell her not yet time after time.

Chapter 4

Baghdad
Jabir Raihan's palace

6 months later (14 months since mission start)
***Mac's POV***

I awake slowly to light streaming through my windows. I wander out to the verandah and realize I have been with Jabir for 6 months now. As I sit here, my mind floats back to when we first arrived and my surprise at his home. It was more Western in culture than I would have expected from Sheik Raihan's son. As he saw my reaction he laughed softly and explained that he had been sent to school at Harvard and had brought back some American tastes. The raise of my eyebrows at his admission made him laugh more as he gently told me that he wasn't like his father in every way. In six months I have never left the grounds of his estate, but at least he hasn't made me wear the cumbersome garments I hate so much. He told me that I was beautiful and shouldn't be hidden away.

I fully expected him to demand sex from me, but he made it clear almost immediately that he would only have me when I was ready to come to him freely. It was then that I knew my physical safety was probably not in any immediate danger. So far, he has lived up to his promise. He kisses me goodnight and then lets me go to my own bed, alone each night. He has never hinted or pushed me in any way. He just seems content to wait for me to come to him. I have been fighting my feelings the entire time I have been here. It was a full month before I even spoke to him. As I think about that first month I can't help but smile at his patience with me. Closing my eyes I can still see the look of happiness when I finally said his name in response to a question he asked. It was only something simple, but he seemed overjoyed.

My first few months were filled with thoughts of how to escape, but the only contact I had is hundreds of miles away in Mosul. Without any contacts I know I am safer staying with Jabir until an opportunity arises. I can't help the pain at the knowledge that my friends have no idea where I am or probably if I am even alive. It's been over a year and some of their faces are even fading from my memory. The thought scares me, but somewhere in the back of my mind I'm not sure I'm ever going to make it home. Don't get me wrong; I'll take the opportunity if it arises. But no one even knows where I am and I know they can't exactly ask around for me.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking about Harm. I still miss him, but the pain is starting to fade. The sting of his rejection and the hurt from the men in my past is slowly being replaced with the quiet love of Jabir. This knowledge scares me. I know it's foolish and dangerous to allow myself to care for him, given the circumstances. I constantly remind myself that he is the enemy I came to destroy. It is his and his father's money that is being offered to purchase the weapons that could bring death to so many Americans. And up until the last 2 weeks I've been able to think of him only as my captor, but I can feel my walls breaking as he continues to shower me with attention. As I sit here waging a ware with myself, I feel his presence beside me. "Amirah, I feel the conflict within you. You still do not completely trust me. What can I do to prove myself to you?" As I look across at him I can see the sincerity in his eyes. I can't help but wonder if I should ask the question that has been burning in my mind. I know I am probably risking my life, but I have to know what kind of a man he is. My future depends on it.

"Jabir, How can I not fear a man who would be willing to help his father kill so many innocent people because he doesn't agree with how they live?" I can see the shock and then suspicion in his eyes as he realizes I am talking about the weapons his father tried to get twice. Damage control, Marine. "Jabir, I was there the day that your father and Al-Fabir argued over who the traitor was. I saw you defend your father. I heard him talk about it his plans."

My explanation seems to mollify him for the moment and I watch him grow silent. His silence lasts for 5 minutes and 22 seconds before he turns back to me. I watch as he sits across from me and softly takes my hands into his. "Amirah, I defended my father that day because it is my duty. That does not mean that I agree with him and what he plans to do." He sees the questions in my eyes and once again I am amazed at how well he knows me. Standing up I watch him pace in front of me looking out over the gardens. "I have fought with him many times over his plans. I have tried to tell him of the many good people in America, but he does not believe me. He tells me that my time there has tainted me and that I have become weak. Amirah, my father is a very powerful man. I cannot afford to cross him." There is a slight tinge of fear in his voice.

I can feel his eyes on me, waiting for my response. I study him intently and find that I believe him. There is too much goodness in him for me to think otherwise. I sigh in relief while at the same time part of me had hoped he would tell me that he agreed with his father. Why? Because I know it is going to make it harder for me to shut him out, knowing he isn't the enemy at all. If things were different I could fall in love with this man, but something in the back of my head tells me I am anyway.

He is still watching me, waiting for my answer. I'm not sure what to say. Telling him that he has to resist his father will only endanger my life more. Rising to stand in front of him, I softly kiss his lips. He waits patiently to see what I will do and I surprise myself by deepening the kiss. I feel the need and desire race through me as he pulls me to him. The hard planes of his chest press against me. He loosens the sheer robe from around me and lets it fall to the floor as he moves his mouth to kiss my neck. He softly kisses his way from my neck to my shoulder. I can't help my moan of pleasure at the sensation. His touch feels so good. He moves his mouth back to mine and our kiss becomes more passionate. As his hand caresses my skin, I am instantly reminded of that last night with Harm and I tense at the thought. I feel Jabir pull away from me and he tenderly looks into my eyes. I can see the need in his and I wonder at his ability and patience to wait.

"You are not yet ready, Amirah." He pulls me close and holds me tenderly.

"Jabir, how can you be so patient with me. Does another fill your bed?" At my question he pulls back and I'm lost in the love I see there.

"No, Amirah. I wait for you." Seeing my disbelief he kisses me softly and I feel my resolve start to crumble. I cry softly in his arms as I try to understand why he thinks I am so special. No one has ever treated me this way and I'm finding it a little hard to believe. I wasn't enough for Harm. I don't know if I've ever felt good enough for anyone. As I continue to cry, Jabir whispers soothing words and holds me safe in his embrace; and I find myself falling a little more in love with him.

2 months later (16 months since mission start)

JAG HQ
Harm's office

It's been eight months since Sarah disappeared. I realize idly that I think of her as Sarah now, instead of Mac. I'm not sure why, but it makes me feel closer to her. Maybe because when I called her that I was really telling her I loved her. There hasn't been any word on her since she disappeared. Last week the Admiral told me they had officially listed her as MIA. In a few moments the entire staff will be gathering at Arlington cemetery for a memorial service. Part of me is angry that everyone is willing to write her off already. Logically I know there is little chance that she could have survived for 6 months in Iraq. If her cover was blown she probably was beaten and tortured to try and get information out of her. The thought makes me sick and sometimes I can hear her screams in my sleep.

I cleaned out her apartment yesterday and took a lot of it to mine so that I could be reminded of her. I just couldn't bear to throw any of it away. The rest of her things are sitting in storage just in case. Along with her vette. I tell myself that she could still come back, and if she does I want her to have all of her things. I brought a lot of her pictures to my office. Even though she's gone, her smile and those deep brown eyes surround me.

The sound of my mother's voice surprises me. I'm sure the Admiral told her about the ceremony, but I never expected her to come. I can see the concern in her eyes. Everyone looks at me the same way. They all know what I did. Most were around to hear my spiteful goodbye, my last words to her. I rise to follow my mom and join the rest of the group as we head towards the cemetery.

1 hour later
Arlington National Cemetery

***Harriet's POV***

I can't believe she's really gone. It doesn't seem real or possible. The first 8 months she was undercover I watched as Commander Rabb waited anxiously for her return. The admiral seemed to always be waiting for her return as well. For weeks he would still call her name at staff meeting when making case assignments. Since he told us she was missing he has withdrawn, like the Commander has. I know Commander Rabb feels guilty for the way he treated her before she left. I don't quite understand what is eating at the Admiral, but I'm sure he feels responsible for letting her take the assignment.

I watch as people continue to crowd around the tiny white marker they arranged for her to honor another fallen in the service of her country. Bud and I tried to explain to AJ that his Aunt Mac had gone to heaven, but that's just too much for him to comprehend. Every time he asks for her my heart breaks a little more. I am surprised that Webb has shown up. I was angry with him at first, but I know he's just trying to protect his country in his own way.

Harm, Bud, the Admiral, and myself are all seated on the front row while Chloe and her dad stand just off to the left. Poor Chloe, this has been so hard on her. I know she talked about Mac as her sister, but Mac was really the mother Chloe never had. Mac would be embarrassed and probably surprised at how many have shown up today. I'm glad Commander Rabb's mom came. He has been so quiet and withdrawn I'm starting to get really worried about him. I think he's in denial. I know he's still waiting for her to walk through his door and tease him about his lunch or something else. I think we all are. I watch as full military honors are given and the flag is carefully folded. My eyes tear up as the honor guard stops with the flag in front of Commander Rabb. He seems shocked and isn't moving. The Admiral leans over quietly and lets him know that she would want him to have it. He stares back at the flag and I realize that if he takes it he's admitting that he's lost her. I don't think he's been able to do that yet. Slowly he reaches for the flag and I see his shoulders start to shake, unable to hide his pain any longer. His mother reaches down to comfort him, but there's nothing to be said that will ease his pain. The Admiral has arranged for a few of us to share some thoughts and memories about her and he stands up first, looking out over the crowd. I hear the tremor in his voice as he starts to speak.

"We're here to honor Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie who died in the service of her country. I've had the pleasure of commanding some fine officers during my time as JAG, but none finer than Sarah Mackenzie. She was a credit to the corp. The thing that I respected most about her was her unwavering duty to her country. She knew going into this mission that there was a high likelihood she wouldn't return. She did it anyway and consequentially saved thousands of lives. Her selfless act will always be remembered and honored in the highest tradition of the Armed Forces." I am surprised to see the Secnav join the Admiral in front of us. I watch as he hands the Admiral a box and my heart aches even more as the Admiral stands in front of Rabb to present him with the Purple Heart awarded posthumously to the Colonel. As the commander reverently takes the award I hear Chloe start to sob. The admiral takes his seat and nods to me.

I know I'm not going to get through this without crying so I don't even try. "Mac was the sister that I always wished I had. She was unfailingly loyal and supportive. When baby Sarah died she checked on me every day to make sure I was ok. Most of the time I just cried on her shoulder, but she never complained." I'm barely holding it together as I think of all the times Mac has been there to help me or Bud. My mind latches onto a happy thought and I struggle to share it with those around me. "I remember the time she ran interference for me with my mother at my wedding. If she hadn't been there I probably would have tossed my mother out of the church. Anyone who has met my mother would understand." I smile as I hear a few soft laughs in the crowd. " I know Mac would be amazed that I'm not calling her Colonel right now. It seems like Bud and I never could get that down while she was here. And I know that she would want us to be happy and only remember the good times, but I am going to miss her so much." I dissolve into tears as I sit down and hear my son's quiet voice asking where Aun Mac is. I hear others start to cry at his innocent question. A few others stand up to share both humorous stories as well as touching displays of friendship. I wait, wondering if Commander Rabb is going to get up. I don't expect him to, and am surprised as I hear him rise to the front. He's quiet for a few moments as he struggles with what to say.

"I don't need to tell any of you how loyal or brave Sarah was. And I could go on for hours about the times she saved my six or someone else's, but I won't. I can only share with you now what I was never able to share with her while she was here." I can see the tears streaming down his face as he leans down towards the simple marker. "Sarah, I love you. I'm sorry you never heard me say it, but I love you and I will never stop. There isn't room for anyone else in my heart." I am openly balling as I watch him stand back, salute her grave, and then silently return to his seat. I know he will be seated here for hours after everyone else has left, trying to make peace with the memories that still haunt him.

4 months later (20 months since mission start)

Jabir Raihan's Palace
***Mac's POV***

Today is my wedding day and its nothing like I imagined it would be. Harriet isn't here to help me with my dress and the Admiral can't give me any last minute marriage advice. I have to smile at the memory of the last time he tried to do that when I was marrying Mic. The way that went it's probably a good thing he isn't here. And Harm is not the one who will be looking back at me as I pledge myself to another. At one time that thought was unbearable, but now it barely causes a flicker of sadness. Jabir has replaced all of the pain with happiness and that is only one of the reasons I fell in love with him. As Jabir held me that night as I cried, I knew I had found what I had hoped Harm would be the one to give to me. Jabir gave me his love and acceptance. He gave me himself without fear; without reservation.

A big part of me feels guilty for moving on with my life when I know my loved ones at home must think I'm dead. I have struggled with finding a way to let them know I'm ok, but everything is censored and monitored in this country. I keep hoping that I'll still get the chance to go home, but I feel even that hope starting to slip from me. I'll be going downstairs in a few moments and I take the opportunity to really look at myself. As I stare into the mirror, I see someone other than Sarah Mackenzie staring back. Her hair is longer and her clothes are different. But mostly I see the change in my bearing and countenance. It's hard to think of myself as a marine anymore. I haven't worn the uniform for a year and a half. I wonder if this makes me a traitor to my country, but I know that I would still die defending it. My thoughts are interrupted as I hear one of the servants knock softly at my door and I know its time.

As I look across at Jabir I am overwhelmed with how much I love him. He has showed me so much kindness, but more than that he makes me feel whole. Part of me rationalizes that I am giving myself a better guarantee of safety if I become his wife. But I know that isn't why I accepted his proposal. He is a good man and he makes me happy. I know we won't be going anywhere for a honeymoon. I still don't totally understand why he seems to keep my hidden away, but I know that his father isn't happy with his decision. He felt it wasn't proper for a sheik's son to marry a servant. As he calls my name softly, my attention is drawn back to Jabir. I smile back and listen quietly as I become Amirah Raihan.

2 months later (22 months since mission start)

Jabir Raihan's Palace
***Mac's POV**

I'm nervous with excitement as Jabir tells me that we are going to Kuwait for a short trip to check on some of his father's business adventures. I know Kuwait has an American embassy not far from where we will be staying. There must be some way to contact Webb while I'm there. Thankfully Jabir mistakes my excitement for just the desire to travel off the estate with him. I only half listen as he says he will arrange for my passport and tells me we will be leaving next week.

I sit in my room trying to come up with a plan. I know Jabir will be busy with meetings part of the day and I can only hope that I'll be allowed to go shopping during those times. That should allow for the perfect opportunity to slip something to one of the Marine guards at the embassy gates. If I can just let Webb know where I'm at, he can come and get me. As I sit contemplating my freedom, I'm suddenly faced with the fact that I will have to leave Jabir. The tiny voice in my head asks me if I'm willing to sacrifice my happiness for my freedom and I can't say for sure that I am. Maybe I can stay and Webb can at least let them know that I am safe. Is that what I want? I could just stay undercover, right? I know that the last few months with Jabir have changed me. I feel happier and more content with myself. Something I was always trying to obtain, but always seemed just out of my grasp. Now that I have it, I am scared to let go even if it does mean I can return to my friends.