The monsters are under my bed.

This depicts the life and times of myself during the 27^th year of my life, one of the hardest years ever.

Back in 2006, I allowed my brother to move back into my house, but it wasn't long until he started getting back into the substances that should be avoided. There came a day when there was test of ego to see who was going to have their way inside the house. I moved out because they were going to do what they wanted, which were things I didn't want: wild parties with under age drinkers. I had already got in trouble for that once that year and I didn't want it to happen again.

Around the spring of 2006, I moved into the Aquaview apartments, on Marina drive. There I was extremely busy with holding two jobs. There was someone who lived next door to me in apartment 9. He liked to party, at night especially, and would always slam his door and wake me up when he came home around 2 AM. He turned on his music loud and talks to his friends loud. I was tempted to call the police on him but I decided I better talk to him in person and sort it out. So I knocked on his door and told him to knock if off or else I'll get the manager involved but he wouldn't. So it carried on for a couple of weeks then finally the manager did get through to him and he had to knock off the noise. And he did but he also started watching me very closely. He found out that by spying on me through the window that I played computer and I became annoyed by this, so I put up covering on my windows so he wouldn't be able to look inside anymore, but then he started complaining all the time to the on site Manager who didn't do anything. He then started complaining to the guy who lived in apartment 11 on the left side of me, who was sympathetic to what he was told, and he believed everything. So he started helping the person to annoy me out of the apartment which I was living at, to me seemingly without just cause. I was angry but I did the Christian thing and moved out to the Poplar apartments without an argument or show of anger because even though what they were saying was not true, it was believed in by all who lived there and no one believed me.

I began looking for a new apartment and I found the Poplar apartments through a old friend. I moved into apartment #13. It was in the middle but the apartments were big, which I liked. I planned on living there for a while, there weren't many people there, or so it appeared. I tried to be friendly to the people around me, and for the most part, they were friendly back. With the exception of the people who lived in #3, the apartment down stairs, who never came out to see the light of day, and never opened the door for me when I knocked on it. I seriously wanted to just be friendly towards everyone, and let anyone do whatever it is they wanted to do just so that I didn't have to move out again. I knew they were there and they always confused me, I only wanted to live there without problems but they were giving me problems. I wanted to know who in the world wanted to watch TV at 5am. This was a problem for me because I was holding two jobs at the time and I often had to do over time for work and be at my other job early in the morning, around 10 am. When they turned on their TV at 5am, and kept me awake until I had to go to my next job, it made it impossible for me to get any sleep. During this time, I was lucky to get 5 hours of sleep, most of the time, I only got 2 hours of sleep. It seemed to me these people had a hard time trusting me. So I wanted to be as open as possible, so that in the case they wanted to stop being so defensive, we could become friends and make all the noise we wanted to. This however, would never happen.

So days went by, and everyday that went by and I woke up to the sound of their extra loud television set, blasting something about fingernail polish or Bowflex or whatever commercial or infomercial they were playing, caused me to get angry, and I got up and stomped on the floor in an effort to make them stop it. I did this the first couple times and then I would go down stairs and talk to the only obvious person living inside that apartment, however, he was a front for who was really living there, or what was really going on in there. I knew for a fact that two other people were living inside that apartment. When I talked to the person living there, the guy who purportedly was the only one living there, he always insisted there was no one living there and he was the only one living there and that the noise was coming from the family who lived down stairs, the large woman her five daughters.

Well I thought this might be the case, and I looked at the floor plan outside and inside, looked where the walls matched up on the inside, where one apartment began and the other apartment ended, looked at the building from the outside, and the windows matched up and I knew that #3 was lying to me. The people who do watch TV really loud do live inside his apartment and he was lying about that. Why, it made me curious and at the same time, creeped me out.

Then there came a time, a period of a couple months when the family living in #9 was having a hard time with living with each other, they were having arguments about everyday and I felt sorry for the guy who was living there because he was crying about how his wife was being towards him, and I took him in, allowed him to vent and let me know what their problem was. It was because of money, he didn't have a job and he couldn't get one and she wanted to break up with him and wanted him out of his house. I prayed for them and I tried to help them out in anyway I could, I let him live inside my apartment when he wasn't allowed to sleep in his own because his wife had come drunk again. They had many fights and when I could help, I did.

One time he was in my house, he had reportedly moved all his stuff to his car and was getting ready to move to Spokane because it was too much trouble living with his wife. He just needed a place to stay in the mean time. I said he could stay in my apartment and I lent him the key to my apartment and for three days he had the key. I had no idea that this person would be the one who would set me up so that I could be ultimately tortured by the monsters who lived under my bed.

Well I helped said apartment dweller to and from work for a week I believe, and helped him with his job from Simplot for some extra cash because his car was broken down (bad water pump) and he didn't have cash for gas but I helped him get there anyway and told him not to worry about it. After that he would get a ride from different people like his brother and friends I guess and he was set, and didn't need me anymore.

Once he got into a fight with his girlfriend again and she wanted to call the police on him because he hit her. I gave her my phone because she just said she wanted to use it for a minute. I felt sorry for her and this was pretty much her life for the past three months. The husband said not to tell people about their situation and to not help her but after she would come knocking on my door at 2 am and also the guy who lived in the apartment across from me whenever she got him, complaining about their marriage and how it wasn't working out, and how she desperately wanted out of the relationship but he would never leave her and they would argue for hours, throwing things out the window and throwing things at each other, the situation became dire and I felt compelled to help them with their marriage, just so they would stop arguing. I sat down with them and conversed with them, had conversations about how they could work it out, I gave them suggestions about how they could get along.

After a while, things were peaceful over there and I was content. There wasn't anymore strife. I had been drinking with the old man who lived across the hallway from me. He was a nice guy and had many things to say about his past. He warned me about the people who live around there and from what I saw, they didn't seem that bad. He pointed out that the people who live there are either Mexican and if they're not Mexican, then they are crippled. He was the only sane white guy who lived around there, and from this, I guessed he must have been lonely. So on my free time, I came over and visited with him and drank beer and listened to his stories.

Well there came a time when I didn't have any work to do, I had lost my job at the restaurant for it being too stressful and the fact that I was lacking sleep wasn't helping my situation. There was a break from my main job, which was usually the case when it came to working for the college and one of the reason's why I left this job in the end. So I had no money and the only thing I could afford was what little food I did have, no beer and my apartment rent, that was it. This was coming to an end of March and heading into April.

The monsters under my bed started to become more and more restless. The situation reminded me of Babylon riding the scarlet beast in the book of Revelations. When the situation with the couple had ended and I was left alone in a peaceful world of my thoughts, it was when the scarlet beast down below started getting restless. He began to be paranoid, wondering if I was spying on him and his wife, wondering whether or not I was someone he could trust. They began their torture one night, they started by poking a stick at my floor trying to find where I slept on the floor at this time. They would find it and shake the mattress until I woke up. Their plan for moving me out: continually inconvenience me until I moved out.

So I tried to ignore this as much as possible, and reasoned that just maybe the noise that they made were coming from the big family down stairs. This was what apartment dwell in 3 had said, that the noise was coming from them. I was more than certain it was coming from his apartment, and he was the front, all smiles and meek and just an old man trying to get by appearance.

The situation I was in was unfair. There were no witnesses on my side, even though I knew many of the people who lived there knew who they were and the only person who would take my side was the old man who lived across the hallway. Everyone else, just like he said, were Mexican and wouldn't stand with me. To make matters worse, the manager of the apartment was also a Mexican. I explained my situation to the old man and he said it was a case of reverse racism. Could he be right? Were they hating me only because I wasn't Mexican too. I felt cheated and anger boiled up inside me but I waited and wanted to know what more they could possibly do to me.

So it became apparent to me that I wouldn't be able to live in the apartment I was paying for anymore, well, I could have my stuff there but I wouldn't be able to sleep there. I drew the line at that. I wouldn't be able to sleep there because their efforts to keep me awake all night were getting even more aggressive. They soon started to include their friends down stairs and they were doing all kinds of inventive things to keep me awake, but they made rules about the sorts of things they could do and things they couldn't. They wouldn't make noise if it could be witnessed and the only person they would attack was me, and no one else, because if they did it to anyone else, there could be a witness.

They knew my weakness and sought to exploit it, in an attempt to get rid of me. My weakness being that I didn't have a bunch of friends to call on for help in a time of trouble. I think for the most part it's because of the way I am, or perhaps my situation at the time, which was broke and unable to go to the places where people make friends because of my dire money situation.

So for a while, they were taking my sleep from me which mounted to a difficult time of my life because I was going to college and trying to work at the same time. Who were my attackers? I don't know, I had never seen their faces and the only reason why I know the one's name is because his girlfriend called him it and I heard it one time when they were messing with me, one night. I asked various people if anyone knew who he was but everyone I asked said they had no idea who the guy was. It appeared to me that I was dealing with a ghost. Someone who didn't have a job, didn't go to school, someone who avoided connections with the world of the living, and someone who only lived in underground circles. I was dealing with someone who didn't exist.

I put up with it as much as I could, it was extremely difficult. I was wondering why God would allow this to happen to me. Then one day when I was sick of the situation and was wondering why they keep attacking me, why they won't stop, the devil came to me and gave me a wicked idea. It was through my rage that the devil came and inspired me with a way to deal with my situation but it would include murder. I was dismayed by this thought. I had been a Christian for the previous 7 years of my life and I wasn't going to carry out such a deed.

The fact that I received this notion made me realize that my situation wasn't going to improve. I mean, how could it, the person never left his apartment. When he did and I tried to talk to him, he always avoided conversation with me, by not walking near me or in my direction. One time I stood waiting outside his door for him to come outside because I knew he was friends with the couple who often argued upstairs. They stood downstairs and waited for a little while, like three quarters of an hour and I stopped standing there because I needed to make a phone call. After I had left back to my apartment, they rand around the side of the building and up to #9's apartment and had lunch, as was their custom for the most part.

It confused me why they were being so dodgy and also so aggressive with their attacks. I was someone who felt that all problems in the world could be worked out with a simple conversation. But with these people, they wouldn't even take that first step and talk to me. It was mission impossible. So I began to lose hope with living there and decided that I didn't want to live there with them disrupting my sleep all the time, after all, I had a place to live in my brother's house and chose to go with that instead. But what was even worse is that they followed me over there.

So I started the process of moving my stuff out. Well while I was moving out of the apartment, back in May, I became aware of the fact that these people had treated me like I was some sort of sport, something to be toyed with, easily to be gotten rid of and were gloating over my loss. Maybe the things what the old man across the hallway were right, maybe it really was a world of us against them. Was there any way in the world that I could win with these people. It became increasingly apparent to me that this wasn't the case, and they wanted to be somehow victimized because they brought about more meaning to their life. And I came to find out that it didn't matter even if you didn't do anything to them, they would find some reason to hate you anyway, even if their just cause for gathering people around to spite you and crucify you was just a slander, a lie.

So I moved some of my stuff out but not everything, as these larger objects required someone else's help and there was no where for me to put that stuff, with the wage I was making from the college, I was lucky to even afford enough gas to move the stuff from my house to the storage unit, and even luckier to afford the storage unit I had, which was no larger than 5' x 10'.

I felt during this move that they were mocking me, making fun of me, laughing at my demise together and this angered me. I wanted to make it quite clear that what they did to me angered me greatly and I didn't appreciate it one bit. So while I was moving things to and from the storage unit and my brother's house, every time I came back to the apartment, I would stomp on the floor and slam the doors exceedingly loud to make it clear that I didn't appreciate this. I asked for civil manner in which we could resolve this situation, being that I still had 5 months on my lease that I didn't want to pay for as a result of me moving out. They didn't listen to me or care for my loss, they only cared for theirs and wanted me out right now. But no, there was no peaceful recourse, there was no bridge we could build, no deal we could make, no nothing, no how, no way. It made me increasingly angry with every thing that I brought upstairs back downstairs. I realized they had attained a key to my apartment because they were messing with my bed and they could see where I was standing inside my apartment, I'm not sure how but I'm guessing through the cheap spy technology that can be found on just about any spy equipment website if you went and googled “spy technology”. They would talk about the small details of my life, that only a person could talk about if they were physically able to watch it with their own eyes. They talked about what I would cook, or the different physical parts of my body. They would talk about what I would be doing, constantly watching. I wondered how it was possible they were able to make their way into my apartment. And I remembered one time, long ago, when I lent the key to the guy in #9, with which he probably made a copy and gave it to my nemesis in #3.

So I realized not only was I being wrongfully removed from an apartment AGAIN, I was also back-stabbed by a person I tried to help. Not only that but to pour salt in my wounds was the philosophy of the old man across the way that the world is really a war of us and them. Well I tried to call the police and let them know there were people who lived under me, doing things to me to keep me awake all night long, keeping themselves so secretive that you'd literally have to have some high tech equipment to find them or you'd literally have to be me. It became apparent to me that these people were never going to get caught, not in the life time anyway. I would never have any sort of recourse, no rebuke, no bridge, no way, no peace as long as my nemesis was there, and permitted to live there. There was no way I could prove he was there because I had no witnesses who could verify his existence or the things he was doing. I felt the need for having a girlfriend suddenly, what a help it would be, but felt it was just a hopeless desire at this point in time as like I said, was in a dire money situation. No money with which to use to impress anyone with.

So I had moved out most of my stuff then my nemesis began to get violent, and he was saying that he didn't want me to move out and he didn't want me to sleep there either. Well that makes no sense to me, because I don't want to pay for a place that I wasn't able to sleep at either. He began threatening how he was going to shoot me. This scared me, was he serious, would he really do it, does he have access to a gun. I didn't know, like I said, he never answered his door, and we never talked. I began to get nervous. I remembered how the Lord told me that I would get shot by him. I then wondered if it would kill me, and the Lord wasn't clear. So I wasn't afraid. I continued to move more of my stuff out, when I had time between work and school and sleep (which during that time, I could say once I went entire 3 days straight without sleep so that my schedule would not be disrupted).

I began wondering why the Lord would permit me to be treated this way. I supposed he needed me to move back in with my brother and he was having a hard time with his girlfriend, and they needed help. The difference about helping my brother and say anyone else is that I know what it's like to help my brother and that he is extremely hard-headed and doesn't take advice but listens to his emotions. I knew that would be a fruitless endeavor, so I tried to help them anyway and I was feeling kind of funny, being the older brother but also the Dr. Phil of this family, to whom they would confide if they were feeling somewhat angry or wronged by what they had to put up with as a result of living with each other. I would tell each one simply and kindly that they had children and they needed to help each other so they could raise their kids in the best manner possible, but each one of them, being hard headed, turned from my advice, as they really didn't want advice, but just another person to be on either one or the other's side during their arguments. I didn't want to be a part of that.

So I began living in my brother's house as a result of the people who were torturing me at the apartment, but they had access to technology I had never heard of before, I had no idea it was even attainable. I remembered the Lord said that I should just move out silently but instead I made a big deal out of it, pretty sure that was the worst that would happen and I wanted to make my point clear I didn't want it to happen again. Well moving out wasn't enough for these people as I came to find out, they not only wanted me out of that apartment but also out of my brother's house too. They followed me over there and use the same technology they used on me at the apartment there at my brother's house. This became the hardest time of my life. The period of time going from May to July.

At this time, School was coming to a close, I had done well but could have done better if I was able to get more sleep at night, but regardless, I did the best I could (and as an optimist, I believe that's good enough). My job was also becoming increasingly tiresome, with the politics I was dealing with there. People don't like the fact that I'm single and my problems as far as anyone can tell don't stem from having a family. People get envious of this fact and rather than congratulating you for avoiding this problem, they try to find your weaknesses and cause problems for you. Yes, it appears, everyone's going to have their fair share of problems in this life. Of course, the only way to deal with them is to have an upbeat attitude. But sometimes, faith in a higher power is also required.

So I began sleeping in my brother's house. How they even know where I moved was beyond me but like I said, they had access to technology I had never heard of so I figured they must have put a tracking bug on my vehicle or those little spy cameras that I saw on the website, could be purchased for 30 bucks a pop. I never trusted that technology, thinking most of it to be along the vein of James Bond wanna-be spy stuff and thought it mostly to be a joke. But after they were haunting my life at that point with this stuff, I became sold on the idea, maybe this stuff really does work. So I started dabbling and I bought what was called a spy camera detector thinking that if I had just that one thing, I could find the camera and expose them for the liars they are. There are a couple catches when it comes to using that stuff unfortunately, first of all, the camera needs to be on so that thing can detect it. I bought two different types and one used a special led configured in an array and required you to look through a red lens to find the camera but it was no good unless you pointed it directly at the camera and it's lens reflected back at you. It was useless. So I tried a different type, one that would find the camera by detecting the RF signal. Again useless because you didn't know where exactly that thing was stashed, inside the wall, under the bed. I thought it might have been stashed inside my bed so I ripped it apart looking for the spy technology that was irritating me but I hard torn it down and ripped apart the padding from the metal frame itself, and I could not find it. It made me so angry. I was angry at God and I had lost it at that point. I began searching once again for God, for I had questions like, why was I put in this situation and why were they continually doing this to me.

At one time, they were using some sort of technology that I have no idea what it is because I have not find any sort of website that carries this stuff. The description of it includes a device that has the power to slightly shift things without physically being able to touch it. They use it on your skin and you feel as if you are being covered by a sheet of static electricity. It doesn't really do much to you and you can still operate but say if they were to take that device and point it at a part of your body where slight shifts in the flesh of your body, it could cause a lot of pain. I could imagine a person with a pace maker being tortured with that device, would probably have a heart attack. Or a person with a ingrown toe nail would writhe in pain because the ingrown nail is shifting inside the flesh. Or a person with hemmoroid problem, when directed at your buttocks could cause severe itch. My problem was the latter, as my job required me to sit a lot, it was my problem, and with their help, it would get worse.

So at this point, I'll say it was the end of May, I had come up with some fortune. I had found a new job that paid better than my old one by a lot. Let's just say that the amount of money I made there in 6 months is more than the money I made at my old job in 3 years. Comfy government chair job? Who needs it? I won't need it until I turn at least 45-50 years old, depending on how well I can stay in shape.

So somehow, they found out where I moved to, and on top of that, they had the technology with which they could use to irritate me and keep me awake all night long. It wasn't something I wanted to deal with anymore. I was so sure that God was going to avenge them for me so I had put it out of my mind, but God wasn't doing it, nothing was happening to them. I believed the wicked men will always be punished for their evil deeds. It does say that in the Bible but it never said when. It actually says that God is merciful to the wicked, so that's how we Christians should be to them.

So I began a new life here, I figured I'd be free to sleep endlessly for many nights and life would go back to some semblance of what it used to be and it did for about 4 days. One time I came home and wouldn't you know, they were there. I could hear their voices again, talking about all the small details of my life again. Talking about how I brushed my teeth every night, how I must have liked my sleep. I tried to put them to shame, I cried a couple nights because they would not let me sleep. They laughed at this, called me a good actor. I slept on the floor and not on my bed and I read to them out of the Bible, the life of Job, and the Psalms, and the Proverbs. I read to them about how God is to the wicked and how God wants us to be to him. During this time, I realized the way God really wants to be prayed to, as it became my biggest crutch ever.

After about two weeks of putting up with their continually keeping me awake at night, continually not having mercy upon me, and continually to torture me, even after I had cried and I had begged and I had bribed and offered just about anything they wanted, would not leave me alone. They had left me feeling totally hopeless without an end in sight, suicide crossed my mind, murder and vengeance and I knew what it felt like to be one of those kids who go to school with a gun and start shooting people. To be continually picked on seemingly without reason is probably the lowest low. If there were too many more nights where I cried all night long I would probably enter a deep and brooding depression and never smile again. This seemed like one of their alternatives they were okay with. I could kill myself, they would let me. How merciful, I thought. After all that I had gone through, in the end, I get to kill myself by my own hands. No, when I die is not my choice to make. It became obvious to me, they wanted me to move out of Moses Lake. Totally, completely and unequivocally, never wanted to see me in Moses Lake again. But my family is in Moses Lake, I did not want to leave Moses Lake, because there are people here who need me. It might not seem like it but it's true.

So after exhausting just about every possible choice that I could use to deal with these people, I began praying again. I prayed to God and asked for answers, I asked him why they were doing this to me and why wouldn't he punish them. Why wouldn't I be able to sleep anymore at night. I remember somewhere in the Bible that it says a wicked man will go to his bed to sleep at night but he'll find it is covered in snares. Was I being wicked somehow? Was I the one being punished? If so, what was my sin, what was the reason for it. I prayed to the Lord one night and I remember them, ready for me to go to sleep, and all the things I could possibly try in order to sleep, the begging, the crying, the bribing, anything I could think of, they were ready to show no mercy at all. So I prayed to God and I prayed that he would let me sleep at night. And I slept, it was long and empowering and I felt great. God heard my prayer and I was happy.

This also became a situation where the Lord began to sort through the different details of my life, choosing which one's he approved of and which one's he didn't. He went through my music and I felt his presence close to me when I would listen to music that praised him but he was far from me when I listened to music that didn't praise him. Let's say it wasn't exactly sinful but it wasn't Godly either. It was music of the lukewarm, without a doubt. And very few, few, few, pieces of music that fall in that realm is what God can stand. Let's just say you need to have more praise music than you do the other stuff because if you have more of the other stuff, or if that's all you listen to, then you're on the wrong path.

Another thing that I shouldn't be cussing or smoking or drinking. When I would do these things, the Lord was far from me but when I abstained from these things, the Lord was close to me. These are probably big holes in my soul, my main weaknesses. So I prayed to the Lord to take them away and he filled the holes so no longer was I needed to be doing these things to feel relieved.

So I began eliminating these things from my life, and smoking was probably the hardest one to get rid of, as I was able to quit smoking all the way down to having the last cigarette. But I always found out that I was constantly having that last cigarette. I tried nicorette as an alternative for that and it worked. Now I have no more cravings for cigarettes. That part is done.

After I got passed that hurdle, then went the cussing and after that the impure thoughts that weren't quite righteous. I felt my soul as if it were harmonizing with God's spirit, as if we were merging and becoming like one with God's soul. He showed me in my life that I was bitter over different points in my life where I felt people were unfair to me and didn't show me mercy and it was up to me to forgive them. I had to think back, far back, sometimes years and think of how someone had said things to me that made me bitter and and the more I let go of and forgave inside my heart, the more it felt as if God was healing my heart. I even had to forgive God for a couple things and he forgave me and now the tears well up in my eyes every time I think of God for all that he has done for me.

Another thing was the stuff I watched on TV. I didn't watch the sitcoms, maybe because I was too smart for that but even the stuff I watched on the History or Discovery channels wasn't anything more than the stuff you can read about in their monthly magazines which you can get from the Library. None of it was righteous or holy, except for the couple of shows I watched on the religious channels. Even I can live without that stuff because I have a radio that can give me preaching and songs all day and all night. So I had my TV deactivated.

And I prayed to the Lord every night that he would take them away from me and so I could sleep. This worked for maybe two nights. Then I was going back to the old way it was before, with them torturing me with their devices again and I went back to being hopeless and feeling depressed. God is even going to let them torture me again. I was hopeless. Then I heard the Lord tell me, “Praise me.” I remembered how I saw on TV, Joel Osteen saying, “If you're going through a difficult time in your life, you don't find a nice patch of dirt and bury your head in it like an ostrich. No as Christians, you should Praise the Lord and you will see an even greater blessing in your life.” So I praised the Lord God Almighty and Praised him and He used this situation as a way to make me closer to him.

So I started to read the Bible again, and I put my old questions aside, the things that hung me up on the Bible, the things I didn't understand. I put them all aside and turned on the radio and freed my mind from being too scrutinizing of a Pastor's words, or of different translations of the texts, or what the different Church's believed in. I returned my faith essentially like that of a child's faith, and became receptive to just about anything that would be told to me.

The voices came back into my mind at that time. The one's that chased me from my faith in the first place. A while ago, I couldn't tell whether or not I was really crazy or if God was tormenting me for my sin (which I didn't know what it was at that time). I became really hung up on which Church is the correct one. There was so many of them all claiming to be the correct one. I didn't want to think about it anymore so I left my faith. At the same time, the voices in my head also went away.

Well there was these voices in my head and I couldn't figure out what or why they came back and I remembered back then I just left my faith and they went away. Well this time, they came and if I left my faith then I wouldn't get any sleep and plus the spirit of the Lord who was sustaining me at this time would also leave me. I was stuck with them and so I struggled with the voices, each one claiming to be God, each one wanting me to tell people certain things, or to do certain things for the Lord God almighty. If there was a certain task I didn't want to do because I knew the logical outcome or I thought it would irritate or anger the person I told it to, I would ignore that voice but apparently, even the owner of that voice had the power to make me feel like I had just sinned.

So I followed the voices, and did what they asked. Day by day, I became blessed and the Lord and myself were growing closer and closer. Then there was a day when I was told to do certain thing that I figured would probably cause me to lose my job. And I let it slide but day after day, the more I let it slide, the more it seemed like I was getting farther from the Lord. So I walked up to my boss and I told him, “The Lord said to me, if you don't stop your sin, you will pay.” And I was appalled by what I said, and expecting a stern rebuke. And he looked at me and said, “The Lord says that to everybody.” Then a minute longer of thinking of it, he did begin to get angry and he said, “No, that's what your Lord says to you. That's not what the Lord says to me.” I shrugged and went back to work. I felt relieved that I did this and all things were going to be fine again. It was after this act of faith that I saw the Lord was telling me the truth, that he would take care of me and that no harm would come to me, in whatever it was he wanted me to do for him.

I know I had already sinned twice and the times that I did sin, I am paying for them, or at least in the process of paying for them. When you sin, that technically means you missed the mark. When I didn't talk to someone or tell someone concerning the faith, I felt like I sinned and I wind up being punished for it in a round about kind of way, the way the Lord works is mysterious but it is his work that causes me to either thrive or die.

So back to the before these things have come to pass, I began to praise the Lord and my nemesis and all his devices and his friends could not, were not able to keep me awake at night. They try in vain, for the most part, every night. The Lord protects me and now he is standing against them. Because they do not stop and they do not have any mercy. Even after I apologized and they heard the message of forgiveness on the radio and I had told them that no healing can come until after you have forgiven your enemies of their wrongs, they are still attacking me, with complete and total bitterness in their hearts. They keep their wounds sore and continually look for more reasons to justify their attacks against me. All I know is that this is what the Lord has willed, as this brought our relationship closer than it ever has been before and I shall never leave the side of the Lord now. I had forgiven them but his heart is hard as the Lord has also willed.

As I walked faithfully, I know the Lord also works faithfully towards me, carrying out the deeds he promised he would do and expects me to carry out the deeds he expects me to do. The Lord God works in mysterious ways and he is great, and he is good, for he is Holy. Praise the Lord God Almighty.