AUTHOR: Alanna diAblo
EMAIL: [email protected]
CATEGORY: AL
RATING: PG-13/R
SPOILERS: None that I can think of...
ARCHIVE: Yes please
DISCLAIMER: Abby isn't mine, Carter isn't mine.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Please see end.
SUMMARY: Abby had looked at her hands in disbelief as she opened the second can. No one was there to stop her, and she couldn't stop herself.
* * * *
Abby dragged her feet slowly towards her apartment.
Normally, she would have taken the El, but she wanted to walk home.
She needed to postpone the inevitable: what would happen when she returned home tonight. Abby needed to think. What the hell was she doing?
Those beers at Luka's that night seemed to have been taunting her.
'Bet you can't have just one...you're not strong enough...you're not strong enough to stop...'
Anger had flooded her veins. She knew damn well how to control herself!
It was only one. And in that moment she had seized the can, popped it open and gulped it down; fast at first...then slower...slower...
The first mouthful hit her stomach, and felt like she was going to throw up.
But she had to prove she could keep control of at least something as stupid as having a beer.
Abby had sat down at Luka's table and taken another sip, and then another, and another. Then Abby knew she no longer had control. She never had it in the first place. Alcoholism was a disease, and like all diseases, no one really could control it. Especially when you were fighting it alone.
Abby had looked at her hands in disbelief as she opened the second can.
No one was there to stop her, and she couldn't stop herself. Her body shook as she began to sob. She had screwed up again. Abby took another sip, and the sobbing ceased for half a second as the cheap beer hit the back of her throat burning as it trickled down.
As soon as the crying stopped it started again. Once more, she'd fallen into the dark spiral...
Just thinking of that night and what it had led to made Abby shiver. If anyone ever found out what was going on with her...someone should find out. She wanted to tell someone more then anything. Day in and day out she pretended nothing was wrong, when inside she'd felt like screaming. The silence was killing her, and Abby couldn't keep it inside any longer. Then again, she didn't want to bother anyone. She could barely admit the fact that she'd relapsed to herself. And besides, people had their own problems.
Yet deep down Abby knew she couldn't do this alone, and that no one in her position could do so either. She sighed, and shook her head to clear it from the dark cloudy thoughts suffocating it.
Slowly but surely, Abby reached her apartment door and unlocked it. She headed
towards the refrigerator, she needed something to calm her down...let herself go numb.
"Help." She said, almost silently, before her body forced her to take the first sip.
Somebody needed to find out.
* * * *
P.S--Special thanks to Raine, who helped me w/ the title that I was stuck on. YOU ROCK!! THANKS!
Until Next Time~
~AD
