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My name is Nadya and I put together this page as a tribute to my beautiful mother and her life. I lost mum recently, a few days after her 75th birthday in July 2004. It was a loss I was not prepared for, and I've felt its unmerciful , visceral shock each day since then. I'm no stranger to death. I've met it before when it took my gentle father away from us when I was 18 and my mother 48. I mourned and howled for him for many years from the blows of my pain. They twisted in me for so long afterwards. But my journey towards healing was one taken with my soul's friend then--my mother. Now, i grieve for her alone--without her healing words and loving embrace. I know this journey will take me a long and anguished time. So I dedicate whatever public space I can to her memory and her loving life with my father. They have been the brilliant light in my life; my armour when I needed to fight for justice; for people. I hope to never forget what they gave me and what i can give in their loving memory. |
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| Tribute for my mum on her 40 day memorial service. This is a Christian Orthodox traditon. There's several stories about why the Orthodox do this. I'm not sure why, but it helped me to remember my mother in public again and to talk about her. |
| GRACE Your love, my sustenance Your open heart, my guide your strength, my teacher You taught me independence, forgiveness, the ways of unconditional love. How to live with honesty, integrity, principles. you gave me sovereignty, freedom of belief, the liberty to choose my destiny., My path, My life. I learned respect from you, for myself, for others, for all living creatures. I learned the value of space for me, for others. I learned to see that love can be big enough to forgive the cruellest acts That a heart can be so vast, it can heal gaping wounds. laugh amid pain, survive the mind, live and die with dignity. Your heart mum: my grace, my everlasting peace and joy. My most profound love. Nadya |
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| July 21st 2005 Today is Mum's first anniversary. I dreaded waking up this morning. Dreaded that i will feel so utterly lonely and overwhelmed with that impossible pain of grief again. I still howl and mourn for Mum; still feel the shock of her absence and the hollowness of so much of life. But I'm lucky. She left me so much of herself in her poetry, her audio diaries and in the way many remember her. It's a blessing for which I'm beholden to her. Without a doubt life changes so completely when we've lost our loved ones and our healing comes from what we can connect to afterwards--tangible or otherwise. To all who've signed the guestbook, I thank you for your consoling words. They have helped me heal during this heatbreaking year. To those who may visit this page and who have lost loved ones, I wish you peace and the gift of love in your lives. |
| 2ND ANNIVERSARY Dear Mum, Today , I visted Paddy's Markets I saw you haggle with the traders saw you walk through the rows of clothes and check out the fruit and vegetables. I saw you look at me and talk to me and I broke inside. I walked back to work looking down all the while, hiding my face from passers by I cried and cried my heart ached and twisted twisted.. twisted and ached |