If Only the World Were This Honest

I wrote this little article while looking at carelessly thrown trash lying directly next to a trash can. While I was picking it up, the only thought that could run through my mind was "Why? The trash can is right fucking there! People can't seriously be THAT lazy!" Oh but they can, and I found inspiration in contagious stupidity.

In this school, bordered with cigarette buts next to trash cans, with the walls painted in three week old tomatoes, I have found a male life form. He steals lines from Titanic to try to complement me with thoughtless, sex driven lies. If only the world could be like this :

Instead of pick up lines, men, try this!
"Hi. I am a horney, immature stoner, and all I want to do is fuck you!"
Or this!
"Hello. You look decent. I don't care about your personality at all, and I only want to get laid!"

Instead of pretending that you don't like it, woman, reply with this!
"I know you only want me for sex because I, too, have a sex drive, maybe even larger than yours! But because I am female, I get sick pleasure at watching you twitch. So if you want to get laid here are some simple rules:
1. Let me pretend I don't like you.
2. Tell me I have a valid soul, and that I am deep (even though I am not).
3. Pretend that there is romance.
Now you can get laid! It's that easy!"

You see, by men looking at us woman, they are really trying to say they want to get laid. And men, by us pretending we don't notice you, yet we check our pocket mirror every chance we get, you are feeding in to the purpose of life. Sex. Wait, wait wait. You think it's love? Love is merely the game of sex, and if you disagree you have three options. One, you re-read this until your stupid little brain gets it. Two, you get glasses, because you are having trouble seeing the truth. Or 3, you continue with you miserable, oblivious life and burn in hell forever.
Thank you. Have a day.