| "Towards the Light" | ||
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Sunday 18th May 2008, 17.00hrs She had no idea of how she was going to explain all this to Paige. When she had left SH2 for what she had though had been the last time, she hadn't expected to see Paige ever again; intending that her `death' would have been seen as an accidental shooting or even mugging. She had known that Michael could be relied on to arrange a cover up to ensure that neither the SIA, nor Section 1 would be compromised by her actions. But fate was sometimes complicated by the events in real life, so now here she was, outside, near to Paige's place and still she couldn't find the courage within herself to take that first step towards the light. She huddled into her coat, though it was not cold, and retreated further into the shadows, watching the apartment windows; the lights had come on an hour or so ago, so she knew Paige was in, but still she waited and watched. When Michael had left on the Saturday morning, he had entreated her to go and see Paige, but though she realised the situation needed resolving, she found a myriad of excuses as to why she didn't go straight away, instead preferring solitude to give her a chance to reflect on past events; it gave her some sort of peace, but she knew that peace wouldn't be complete until she had spoken to Paige. Every hour since Michael had left she had managed to come up with an excuse as to why this wouldn't be the right time she would go and see Paige, that was until this morning; when she had realised that she could not put it off any longer, this decision being helped by a telephone conversation from Michael who was checking up on her. He wasn't bullying, but he was firm, and he made her feel as though she were letting him as well as herself down, she knew he was right; she could put it off no longer. Finally, with a deep sigh of inevitability, knowing she had to do this, she made her way slowly towards the main door. Pressing the bell on the entrance, she heard Paige answer, "Yes, who is it?" Her throat felt tight, but she managed to get the words out, "Paige, its Saf. Can I come in?" The speaker fell silent, and she stood waiting until finally Paige asked cautiously, "What for?" She had known that this visit was not going to be easy, but she felt she had to try, "Just to talk, nothing more I promise", her words were quiet, calm, with no hint of what she wanted to say. She waited patiently, while Paige gave it some thought, and sure enough a few minutes later the main door buzzed, she pushed it open and headed up to the 2nd floor. The door to Paige's apartment was ajar, and she slowly walked through the open door and into the hallway behind, expecting to be jumped at any moment. Paige was standing at the other end of the hallway, there was a toolbox by her side, and she was holding her weapon in her hand, facing her. "Close the door, and walk slowly towards me." Her voice was cold, her eyes glinted and Sara could feel her anger from where she stood. Without hesitation she did as she asked, including taking off her coat to show her that she had come unarmed. She knew that her clothes hung off her already slender frame, after the cleansing that Michael had put her through she was thinner now than she had ever been and she could see from the expression on Paige's face that she was shocked at the sight. "Please, I just want to talk to you, and apologise, for hitting you. I know now, you were right, you were always right." She walked calmly towards Paige, holding her hands out in front of her, as though she were carrying something flat, trying to reassure with gestures as well as words. Something about her actions must have convinced Paige for she lowered the weapon, "What happened to you? Where have you been?" It was then that she knew it was going to be all right; the first moment was the hardest. "Can I sit down and I'll explain everything." Paige glanced back at the front door before leading her into the seating area, the tv was on showing sports channel, but the volume was low. Paige indicated a couch, and she took a seat. Where to begin? "Let me finish, before you interrupt, yes?" she could hear her voice trembling, but she fought for control. Paige nodded, and took a seat on the other couch, leaning forward to listen closely. "A lot of what's happened to me, the out of control me was due to Madeline. Well according to Michael," she paused for a moment, and then continued with her tale, "he managed to find out that after Immersion, part of the detox process carried out by Section One included an experimental drug called glyconutramine variant 17b; one of Madeline's experiments, apparently it was supposed to make me more receptive to orders." She could feel the tightness welling up behind her eyes, but she blinked hard and forced the moisture back, "After Alexei's death, after your intervention. I didn't want to go on, couldn't go on" she could see Paige wanting to interrupt, but she held up her hand to stop her, "I couldn't see how things could be made right again, not then. I called Michael, asked him to come over," she smiled, sadly, "I set up an ambush; he was supposed to kill me. I knew I could trust him to cover it up, but I even managed to screw up that up." She dropped her head low, "Instead of killing me, Michael gave me back my life. He stopped me, fought for me, fought with me; I would have gone over the edge if not for him. He spoke to Gideon, found out what the real cause behind my problems were, and made me battle it, fighting at my side." She felt Paige move to sit by her side, she could feel a hand resting on her shoulder, and felt the strength and sympathy contained in that simple gesture, "Alexei was a symptom. My life with the SIA has not been real, the drugs saw to that, everything I have done since I have got here was affected by Madeline and her experiment," she turned to face Paige, "I don't blame you for Alexei's death; I want to thank you for being the catalyst that brought me back to life." She fell silent, not knowing what to say next. So many screw ups, so many mistakes, she couldn't expect forgiveness for all her misdemeanours and yet she held onto a faint glimmer of hope, Paige hadn't spoken; but equally she hadn't laughed at her, hadn't ridiculed her poor excuse for her behaviour. The paralysis of her tongue dissolved as the words came to her, "Michael couldn't find out much about the drugs, he has put me on a stimulant free/drug free programme, to ensure that the drugs flush out of my system. I want to know more about it, like the chemical structure, how it works, how it could have been administered. I don't know who developed it and I cannot believe that Madeline had the skills to do it." She sagged in her seat, and looked at Paige, "worst of all, I don't know who else was affected. Knowing Madeline, I won't be her only test subject. If it's possible to get hold of this information, it might be feasible to devise a test for it to find/help the others." Paige continued to look at her no hint on her features about whether she had said enough, she felt sick and tired; she had no idea of what to do now, where to go. Although she hadn't felt certain of a warm welcome, she hadn't expected to feel as though she were still down in the shadows. "So don't you ever tire of apologizing to me? Paige's voice was tinged with humour. Saf turned her head and saw that Paige was actually smiling, "Come here" and she was enfolded in two strong arms. "You know you can always talk to me, don't you?" whispering in her ear. She nodded, she should do, but then she was always the one to blame. Embarrassingly, her stomach grumbled. "Sounds like you need to eat. Bring anything with you?" Paige quizzed her gently, sitting back up, "and turning up without beer, that is just so inhospitable" but she was grinning. Saf shook her head, "I'm sorry, can we send out? I'll pay." The grin changed to a broad smile, "With an offer like that, who could resist." She took her mobile out of the pocket and dialed a number, she could hear her ordering what sounded like enough food to feed an army, Pizza, garlic bread, chips, the entire works. Paige obviously knew the firm well, because when she asked if they would send over a case of beer, it was clear from her face what the answer was. Paige turned to Saf "Mission complete, it will be here in 30 mins. Got some money." She checked her pockets and found her wallet, she hadn't checked it in a while, but it was full of dollar bills and plastic money. "Enough unless they are traveling from Italy," she smiled, and relaxed. "You know you will be drinking alone, Michael suggested I lay off any stimulants for a month. Longer if I feel I need to." She needed have worried, Paige just smiled, "all the more for me then.." She looked closely at Paige, the dark circles under her eyes, "You ok?" she asked, "you look a little `tired'," Paige shrugged, "Joshua had me under surveillance, it sort of spooked me for a while, he was worried." She frowned, "and now?" A smile, "Now, he pulled back, I am fine, and you will notice the front door has a few locks less." She raised a hand and pointed. Saf looked in the direction and could clearly see the unencumbered door, "Hey, I'm glad to hear it, I was worried there for a while in case you were a victim of Maddy too." Paige shook her head, smiling, "No way that bitch, could do that to me, not without me finding out." The doorbell rang and now she could see the change in Paige, she was more confident and poised, sure of herself and her surroundings. Paige answered the intercom and then pressed the buzzer for the door downstairs. "Rudy's on his way up, lady you better get your money out." Paige walked back, leaving Saf to wait for the knock at the door that signaled the arrival of the pizza. The poor guy staggered up under the weight of the bags and packages, and Saf felt so sorry for him she tipped him twice the usual amount. Rudy smiled at Paige, "She can come again if she tips like that," he smiled broadly as he made his way out. Saf was amazed at the amount of food that Paige consumed. She managed a fair amount, but Paige seemed to breathe it in, and it would vanish before her eyes. Finally only a few crumbs were left and Paige looked slightly discontented, but Saf opened a bottle of beer and passed it to her. At the mention of the casual way Paige spoke of Kihn, Saf knew that he was around, not back at Section, but part of the SIA. The mole. She knew he was as much victim as she had been, but she didn't know whether she would ever feel totally comfortable around him, knowing she and others were betrayed by him. She quickly changed the subject to Jordan asking how the store was going and how Jordan was getting on after Tommy. Paige reassured her everything was ok, and returned the favour asking how Michael had seemed. Saf wasn't certain why Paige had asked, she had never been close to Michael, she had always behaved as though she had no strong feelings about him, neither good nor bad. She hadn't gone up against him, but she had avoided him on more than one occasion. She selected her words carefully, "he looked tired, drawn, as though Section is draining him dry." Paige smiled, and raised her beer bottle to her lips, "good." Saf didn't know what to think, it was as though there was something brittle and hard within Paige and somehow she seemed to be blaming Michael for it. Tactfully she decided to keep quiet, if Paige wanted to tell her, she would in time. While they were eating, Paige had turned the sound up on the TV, and her head swiveled as the crowd watching the game cheered as the home team scored another run. Saf shook her head, as the game seemed too complex to understand; however much she had watched it on TV. As the game progressed she felt hopelessly confused, Paige had tried to explain, but after a few more beers she had turned back to watch the game, caught up in the emotions of the game. Saf hadn't minded, it was nice, just being with someone, and not having to be careful. When the game had finished, Paige turned to her "Do you know Saf, if you came to a real game, you would understand it better. How about it?" Saf smiled, she doubted the wisdom of Paige's statement, but at the same time, she recognized that Paige was reaching out to her. She nodded, "Why not. You sort out the tickets, my treat, and I'll sort out the transport." She smiled warmly, knowing that Paige had an aversion to the bike. Paige was out of her seat in an instant and switched on the computer, and was at the ticket site within minutes, she certainly knew her way around as she had booked them two tickets at the best location within minutes. Saf handed over her charge card, well what else was it for? She didn't even wince when Paige showed her the amount, just nodded. Paige turned to her the look in her eyes thoughtful, "If you could break into Section's computers, perhaps we could find that information out about that drug that Maddy used," she paused, "anything that is connected with it as well." Saf held her breath, thinking, she had one remaining opportunity to use Section's computers, was this the time to play the ace card, or would she benefit from holding onto it for a bit longer. After what Michael had done for her, she didn't believe that Section held any more information, and if it didn't then she would have wasted her last shot needlessly. Finally making up her mind, she answered "Not without detection, they would know my footprints, Maddy would have seen to that after last time," she paused, taking the time to choose her words carefully, "of course, they wouldn't necessarily detect it if it came from an SIA account, and we used Simon, to `hack' it for us." For one brief moment, she felt a pang of guilt for involving an innocent person to be the fall guy, then she knew she couldn't do it to him or them. "Scrap that idea. We.. No I couldn't do it to Simon, it wouldn't be fair, to get dragged into my mess, all I can do is wait and see if Michael turns up anything," She looked over at Paige, "he did give me his promise to try. Whether it will produce anything of any use, I have no idea." She changed the subject, "Are you free tomorrow?" "Why?" a puzzled glance accompanied her words. "I want you to help me, I don't want any more weaknesses to be exploited." She firmed up her words, "I know it won't be easy, but I can at least try." Paige looked on puzzled, "Count me in to help, though how, I don't know." "They have a pool at the Edison facility, don't they?" A nod, "Well start by teaching me to scuba in the pool. If I can stand that, then I can think that I would be able to stand enclosed spaces, but that would be harder to test." Her smile was reassuring, "If you can't, I will understand." Paige shook her head, "No problem, I would love to work through it with you, work doesn't keep me that busy, but what about you?" She smiled, "Gray left me a message on the `puter, I assume Michael talked to him. He's arranged a little, vacation, telling them I have a small family problem. So I have the rest of this week and all of next week off, so plenty of time to get started. How about 6am?" Return |
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