| "Rebirth" | ||
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Thursday 15th May 2008 It was after a couple of days of this treatment that she finally started to feel small improvements, the constant levels of adrenalin in her body were starting to make a difference, and she took longer to feel exhausted, took less time to recover, and the shakes were more infrequent now. She hadn't realised that there had been such long-term effects from the drugs given to her, both during and after Immersion, and she wondered at the things she had done over the past two months. She felt as though a veil had been lifted, and she was able to see the world for what it was, fractured and dysfunctional. Memories of the things she had done, flooded back unwelcomed into her mind, and she knew that she would never have done some of those things if she hadn't been subjected to the drugs; Alexei included, for now she could see that her mind had played tricks with her and that her feelings for him had been just an illusion. She felt uncomfortable about the things she had done, but recognised that she couldn't undo them. All she could do is to be more careful in the future, not allow herself to be `influenced' and to try and recognise the dangers before they became such a problem. Michael gave her some space, seeing that she was responding. He took the opportunity to catch up on some rest, while she continued to keep up the exercise. While he slept, she watched him, appalled at how much this had taken from him; he had been thin before, but now he was practically gaunt. His cheekbones stared out from a face so white it could have been a death mask; she covered him with a blanket, and then stood out on the balcony sipping a cup of herbal tea. They had talked a lot the last couple of days, but she still didn't know what made Michael tick, she knew she owed him a debt of gratitude for his belief in her and for the kindness he had shown to her; a debt she knew would be hard to repay. When she had been more receptive to discussions Michael had sat her down and explained the little he had been able to find out. It wasn't just the drugs that the kidnappers had given her, but on her return to Section, one of the drugs given to her to flush out the other drugs had been experimental and Madeline was implicated. She had felt so angry when he had told her, but it was a controlled anger; she didn't feel as though she were going to fly off the handle, more like a cold, frozen anger that made her feel as though ice ran through her veins. She had sat in stony silence, not able to vocalise her response to his information. Whilst she owed him her life, Madeline was entirely another matter. Why Madeline had picked her as an experiment she had no idea, unless she was using the circumstances to see if she could make her more amenable. She tried to remember what Michael had said during the conversation, `it should make the subject more receptive to orders', it would figure. Madeline had always had a problem with independent operative and they had had their disputes on more than one occasion, but still she found it hard to believe that Madeline could be so cold and vindictive after her experiences in that last mission. She had quizzed Michael for information, asking about the chemical structure of the drug, how it worked, how it was administered; but he could tell her nothing more than he had told her, not even who was responsible for its development and Gideon didn't know either. Only Madeline had the answers, and Michael had extracted a promise from her, that she wouldn't go after Madeline. It had taken some time for her to agree, Michael had assured her that he would see to it that Madeline wouldn't be able to have the powers she had held before, but it gnawed at her that Madeline would be free to carry on as though nothing wrong had been uncovered. She would have liked to have `discussed' it with Maddy, her reasons for doing it; but she had given her word to Michael, she would have to let sleeping dogs lie, for the moment at least. Of course it didn't mean that she wouldn't try and find out more. Saturday 17th May 2008 08.00hrs The sun was warm, the spring day gave way to early summer sunshine and she was alive. A new life, a new way, no looking back and no way back; she realised that she could live with that. Despite the restrictions Michael and Dr Gideon had imposed on her, no coffee, no painkillers, no drugs of any sort; even herbal for the next two months and then very gradually she could start slowly to reintroduce alcohol and caffeine. She felt more alive now than before Section imposed its will on her during her years within its walls. It was now up to her, to face up to the future; to stand on her own two feet, cut free from the anchors that had restrained her. As she stood there, watching the waves lapping against the shoreline, Michael silently glided up behind her, and she turned to him impulsively hugging him. "Thank you for giving me my life back," she said softly, "I think it won't always be easy, but I feel that I can find the way from here." He stood looking down at her, seeking the truth, his green eyes still looking tired, but she wasn't hiding from him now and knew that he would see that in her face. Eventually he slowly nodded, "You know where I am, call me sooner, eh?" he smiled softly, something so unusual and so rare she thought she had imagined it, but it was still there, playing across his mouth. "I have to go back, and you have to talk to Paige. I think perhaps you owe her an explanation." Her name triggered a memory of which surfaced like a bubble in water; something that she knew she had to remember because it struck her as being out of place, "Paige, I think there is something is not right, but I can't think...." He changed before her eyes, all business now. The Section commander stood in front of her, not her friend and helper anymore, "You must have a reason, try to remember." His voice was cold, but not chilling just insistent that she try to make the connection. She struggled to wade through the memories, disjointed and surreal, trying to establish the connection, and then a glimpse of a memory flashed behind her eyes as she remembered what had set off the alarms in her mind at the mention of Paige. "Locks," she murmured, "the last time I was at her apartment, she had fitted half a dozen new locks and bolts to her door. I didn't think much about it at the time, I just thought it wasn't like her. But then she had never lived outside of Section before so I supposed that she felt the need for additional security." She paused for a moment, an idea occurring to her, both she and Paige had devices in their necks, she looked up at him, "Do you think it possible that the devices fitted to our necks, contained more than just a tracker?" she watched as Michael's figure froze. Was it possible that the drug Madeline had given her was being fed, via the trackers, making her unstable. If the drug was contained in their trackers what would it do to Paige? Or was her imagination just running riot? Michael had explained about Madeline and the drugs, but she had a feeling that there was more to it than that. Michael shook his head, "I don't think so, they were standard tracker units, it is probably nothing but I will run checks." She got the feeling that perhaps he wasn't telling her everything, but after all his help she felt she had to trust him; which might be unwise, but she had to take the risk she owed him that. She owed Paige an apology for hitting out at her, but she had more important reasons for seeing her. Paige's medical knowledge meant that she might be able to give her more information on what Madeline had fed her and give her more help on fighting back and at the same time she could check up on Paige to make sure that she was ok. She wasn't looking forward to the meeting, but the expectation was going to be worse than the reality, of that she was sure. The waiting was the worst bit; not knowing how Paige would react was making her jittery. Return |
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