| "No Way Back" | ||
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Saturday 10th May 2008 15.30hrs Saf knew she had made the right decision, she had nowhere else to go, no one that she could turn to except for him. He was the most logical choice, and the only one who could resolve this for her. When Alexei had been shot, she had felt numb with shock and had been fighting her own fight with the near-instantaneous effect of the tranquillisers they had fired into her; despite her best efforts it had been useless she couldn't win, and had collapsed without a sound, still connected to the now dead body of her lover. She had woken up several hours later to find that Paige and Jordan had been involved in Alexei's death, it had been like finding out that the earth you were standing on was in reality nothing more than quicksand. She had felt as though nothing was stable any more, not the soil beneath her feet nor the substance she could touch, she hadn't anywhere to turn nor anyone to turn to. ~~~earlier~~~ 11.00hrs As her head had cleared, she realised she had been taken to SH2 and was now in one of the small rooms given over to the agents. It didn't contain much, just the chair she was sitting on, restrained to it by cuffs on her wrists, and a cot covered in a blanket that looked as though it had seen better days. She looked around her and saw that Paige was standing to one side, a certain wariness showing on her face. "Now, you're not going to hit me are you Saf?" "No, I'm not going to touch you," Saf quietly reassured her, allowing a brief steely glint of a smile to appear on her lips. The hollowness within her grew, but the actress she was becoming, allowed her to play her part convincingly. Paige had glanced at her warily, before she slowly undid the cuff that held one wrist. Saf found that precise moment of time when her hand was released her from the cuff and instantly her fist connected with Paige's jaw, sending her stumbling backwards. Calmly she undid the other cuff as Paige stood opposite her rubbing her jaw, which showed red where she had made contact. "Bitch," Paige said to her though Saf could detect no malice in her voice, just an acknowledgement of the situation they were in. She was busy fighting to regain control of herself, her anger wanted more, demanded retribution for what had passed, but she managed to force it away back into the mesh which was barely holding it, before calmly shrugging, "Don't do that again." Paige shook her head, "Yeah, whatever, next time I'll sedate you a bit before letting you go so I have a fighting chance." Saf looked at her, before slowly saying, "Sometimes you only get one chance to get it right" Paige, stood staring at her, then spoke quietly, anger underlying her words, "Alexei was not one of the good guys, he was involved in just about every dirty scam going, including arms dealing, drugs, prostitution and gambling, not to mention protection rackets; the world will be a better place without him." Paige, the anger clearly visible on her face turned to face Saf, who just stared at her coldly, "What the fuck were you thinking? If you don't care about yourself - go take a left off the bridge. But don't do shit to jeopardize the rest of us here. I...WE have sacrificed a lot to stay here and you...you just go and throw it away because you want to get fucking laid?!?!?!" Saf didn't respond, she was not about to justify her actions to Paige, not now, not ever. Alexei had made her feel so alive, so loved, so cherished, that was all she had cared about at the time; now even that had been taken away from her, by people she had thought were her friends. What was left? Nothing. Without another word to the woman facing her, challenging her to defend herself, she picked up her jacket, and bag, which someone had obviously taken from Alexei's apartment, and past Paige without a backward glance. She took the stairs down to the back doors and then outside into the late afternoon air, the cool breeze swept away the last of the effects of the tranquilizer drug, leaving her feeling as though she had just woken from a long sleep. She took the train home, if she dared to call it that. At some point during the journey to her apartment, she grew to understand there was no such thing any more; it was simply a place to sleep, to eat. It was transient, like her lifestyle, easily disposed of when something more desirable came along. She walked the streets, thinking about what to do now, where to go, but everything led her to one conclusion and having resolved what she was about to do, she found that she could at last find peace within herself. ~~~~ present time ~~~~ 18.00hrs She opened the door, and found that nothing was different. The scene was still the same as it had ever been; only she had changed. She dropped the jacket and bag onto one of the couches, and picked up the telephone, dialling in a series of numbers, bypassing the systems by typing in the appropriate codes, until she heard his familiar tones. "Michael?" she whispered, holding her breath, now the moment had arrived, she found her courage had vanished, but it was too late to retreat, events were now set upon a path with no way back. "Saf?" he asked. "What is wrong?" She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, knowing that she couldn't go back, not now, not ever. The pause lengthened but she finally managed to get the words past her paralysed vocal cords, "I have something for you, I can't send it by normal channels. Can you collect it?" There was a long and lengthy pause, before he spoke again "Oui. I will collect it. I can be there tonight." A click on the line told her he had disconnected, so now the ball was in play, the game was in motion and there was nothing to do but wait to see the outcome. She glanced down at herself, and saw the blood splatters that showed where Alexei's blood had showered her and then when `they' had dressed her afterwards the jumper had absorbed the drying blood and was now stiff and sticking to her skin underneath. She walked quietly upstairs and stripping off the clothes she was wearing and throwing them in the bin, she turned the shower on and plunged underneath the flowing water. The water ran red for a while, before it ran clear, and finally she found the ability to shed tears for the man she had loved for such a short time and whose loss she felt so deeply. 22.30hrs She had waited on tenterhooks, unable to eat anything, unable to relax, just thinking about what she had set in motion and knowing she was moving further away from life. Now it was dark, she knew where he would come from, and knew roughly how long he would take to get her. She dressed in black from head to foot, disguising her figure from quick recognition. She hoped that it would be over quickly, knowing Michael as she did, she was certain of that and yet she couldn't help offering supplication to something or someone as she took her position; the darkness cloaked her like she was part of the night, hiding her from view. The noise of the city faded into the background as she gave all her concentration onto the task at hand. She watched and waited, until she heard the distinctive roar of the bike that told her he was coming, and she rose to her feet. The timing was critical, too soon and she would achieve nothing, too late and it would be pointless. She stepped out from behind her cover, as the bike drew close and fired off three shots, deliberately aiming low, thinking he would respond instantaneously, but she was wrong. The rider lowered the bike skidding it towards her position. The rider, shielded by the bike, had reached for his weapon, and aimed and fired towards her position. She heard the noises of the bullets striking nearby her position in the alley and she continued to fire her gun, until she realised that at some point in time, in a brief second of distraction they had moved, and she had lost contact. She had failed. She closed her eyes, dropping her weapon to her side; she had taken a calculated chance but the odds had been stacked against her. Despite that, she had thought that he should have succeeded and uncertain of what she should do now she hesitated and before she could make a decision about what to do she saw him in front of her, holding his weapon, which was now aimed directly at her. Despite his advantage, he didn't fire, instead he attacked like a tornado and she had a struggle to maintain her position, fighting him for control, and being overpowered. She said nothing throughout the fight, she had no breath for anything other than defending herself; her clothing had been deliberately chosen and hid her face and figure from him. The fight was fast and furious, she was being pressed hard and was struggling to maintain her position, and finally he got the upper hand by kicking her against the wall. She fell awkwardly, and he had her in a lock in a second, subduing her by holding her arms behind her back, uncomfortably high. Still she said nothing, until he ripped off her hood, and exposed her to his view. "Why?" was his only question. She shook her head, unable to say anything, ashamed now, for failing, not for trying harder, for not having the courage to take the final step. He hit her then, hard into the abdomen, driving the air instantly from her body, "Tell me why?." She was gasping for air, but still managed to drive forward, reaching for his weapon, and spat out "Just do it Michael, I can't be this way anymore. Kill me. I can't survive here. I don't want to do this any more." He moved out of her reach, and she lost the strength to stand, the events of the past days overpowered her, and the lack of oxygen making her slow. She slid down the wall, unable to support her body upright. He didn't speak, and she looked up from her crouched stance to see that he was standing pointing the weapon at her, she realised he had finally made a choice. "I'm sorry Saf," his voice was regretful; she closed her eyes, at last she was almost done. She heard a click as the pistol engaged the chamber; and let her chin drop onto her chest, now the moment had arrived, she could be patient, surrendering to the inevitable. Her head lit up like white fire, and she could feel herself falling. Return |
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