| "Silent Acquiesce" | |||
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Paige's Place May 17, 2008 1500 hours Six days, and still, the primers had not been broken. Six days that had been blurred into one. This seventh day was looking to be no different. It had been harder than she had originally thought, this breaking of the primers. She believed she should have had them already, all of them. "For you know not what temptation is," she giggled to herself. Then her face relaxed under the harsh admonition of her Bathroom Tigers. She stood again, as she had so often the last five weeks, at her sliding glass doors weapon in hand, paranoia at the fore. It had been an eventful six days of mostly drug induced sleep, this, the only way she found sleep. It was broken up by searching for the primers, sometimes sipping water, less often by eating. She had went out today, this seventh day, to buy Michael the Fish a plant. She explained to her blue finned friend as she positioned the plant in his bowl that she wasn't leaving him again but she had to step up her assault on the primers, therefore, her attention would otherwise be diverted. She had just forced down a bowl of pasta, not even bothering to reheat it, and chugged a bottle of water. She figured she would do neither for at least a day or two and she should try to be prepared. "Never a Girl Scout," she squealed, startling herself, then giggled. No, never a Girl Scout, but as prepared as any one would be. "Ok, ok," she whispered, "last time." She focused on the docks. A few people tooled about, setting crab traps (in vain) washing their boats off after a day on the bay. It was late in the afternoon and a weekend, so there were some getting their boats ready to go out for the night. She wished she was going with them, wished she had the courage to take the SIA boat out. But she had to get this done, once and for all, break these primers so she might go on with her life...whatever that may have in store. Just as things started fading the Bathroom Tigers suddenly stopped and her focus came back. "What?" she whispered to them. What had pissed them off now? "I was just about to ask you that." The voice startled her and she flinched bringing her arm up. She froze seeing her hand empty when it should not have been and her eyes flicked up to the person who stood in front of her. He smiled sarcastically at her as he dangled the weapon just out of her reach. She dropped her arm and stared at him. "When did you put the extra locks on the door?" Joshua asked gently, as he dropped the clip from her weapon, then slammed it back in. Her eyes flicked to the door, seeing for the first times the locks he spoke of. She tried to remember if she had put them on. Who else would have? Could have, even? If not her? Then she remembered removing the chain when Sara had come over. She must have put it on after she got back from Edison...when she had first lost all that time. He waved the weapon towards the couch, "sit down," he said quietly. She looked longingly at the doors before she moved slowly to the couch. She sunk into it as he sat in the chair beside it. He studied her intently for a time before speaking. "You're not sleeping, not eating, you don't leave your apartment, you put locks on the main door that you don't remember doing, you guard the glass doors...and you zone out for hours at a time without any awareness of it." She looked to him expectantly for an answer. "You're losing it," he said finally. "No, I'm not," she said defensively. "Have you started to hallucinate yet?" She stared at him, appalled at his accusations, but said nothing. "That would be the next logical sequence...the next coping mechanism..." "What are you a fucking shrink?" she hissed at him. "No," he said putting his hand out, requesting she relax, "but it is..." "What do you want?" she demanded. He clenched his jaw for a moment before looking at her again. "Certain things came to our attention..." "Got a mouse in your pocket?" It had come out before she could stop herself. He shot her a look but ignored her comment, "certain things came to MY attention..." The Bathroom Tigers were not impressed with Joshua today and they growled at her pulling at the strings of code. She looked at her watch, "is this gonna take long?" "What?" he said surprised. "This...whatever it is...are you going to dazzle me with your brilliance, baffle me with bullshit, or is it your intention to merely bore me to death?" He shook his head slightly, "what?" he asked again. She rolled her eyes, "the lines of deceit grow ever blurrier, can you just get to the point and spare me your wise words of web weaving?" "God, you're a bitch today," he said as he realized he had lost control of where the conversation was going. Paige's only response was a shrug and another look at her watch. "I put surveillance on you," he said simply. Her eyes moved up to meet his slowly. Well, she had wanted him to get to the point, and a slap in the face couldn't have been. "What did you just say?" "No witty comeback?" "What did you say?" she demanded softly from him as her Tigers abandoned the code and focused their attention on Joshua, the newly crowned King of Curiosity. "I said, I put surveillance on you." She stared at him, not expecting anything like this from him, and not able yet to absorb fully what he said. "I don't understand...why would you do that?" "After we gave you the Directory you didn't take it too well..." "Well I never had that much crap dumped into my head at one time," she said as she felt her anger rising. "We never knew how you got it the first time..." "In little chunks, Einstein." "You should have said something..." "I didn't fucking know what IT was," she snapped at him. He closed his eyes for a moment as both of them tried to control their anger. "Alright, that's true, but afterwards, I had a surveillance team set up by the docks and from the water just to keep an eye on you." "Why?" she so wanted to hear him say it. "Because I was worried." It had come from him too easily and too quickly not to be true...and she resented him for that. "Pull it," she demanded. "Already done," he said quietly. "It was my idea and my mistake I didn't know it would...bother you so much once you picked up on it." "Well you don't know a whole lot about me, do you?" "No," he said leaning back in the chair, "I hardly know you at all." She balked at the comment as he once again surprised her with his candidness. "That's not the only reason I came here," he said quietly as he studied her. Paige narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "The locks, the guarding, the paranoia...isn't all from the surveillance. This zoning out thing you've been doing...it's really affecting you...your performance as an Agent. I know it's the data, so, how many primers have you figured out so far?" She held his gaze but said nothing. "I know you've figured some of them out," he continued, "how many?" She sighed, twirling her hair now in her fingers, "three," she said softly, "but I know there's at least nine." He leaned forward, "I know you don't trust me," he said softly, "and I don't give you any reason to...but I want to help." "You can't help," she smiled sadly at him, "you can't...when you're the problem." He lowered his gaze, nodding his head. After some time he seemed to come to a conclusion. "There is nine," he said finally, getting up. He went to her computer desk and rummaged through the top drawer pulling out a piece of paper and a pen. He sat down next to her and leaned forward to write. Her Bathroom Tigers ran in her head growling their cat praise to the new King. They, at least, knew what he was writing. When he was finished he looked to her and his expression had changed. "When I first read your profile...I was intrigued by you...I knew instinctively you shouldn't be in the Section. Then, when I finally met you," he smiled softly, "all I wanted was to be close to you. When the SIA opportunity came about, I did everything in my power to get you in. I had no idea what the consequences would be..." he looked at her intensely, "I had no idea how giving you all that code would affect you...and..." he paused looking away for only the briefest of moments. "And...I can't stand by anymore watching you deteriorate before my eyes...when..." "Don't," Paige shook her head, confused with what he was saying, not sure where it would lead. "Don't say that...not even in the hypothetical." "It's not in the hypothetical," he said "one day, maybe, you'll see that." He lifted the paper off the table holding it up for her to see. Nine numbers...the primers to the code he had forced on her. She stared at the paper for a moment, not ready to give them up to her mind that already started pulling on them. Joshua dropped the paper on the table then stared intently into her eyes, "no one, Paige...'no one'...can know I gave these to you...they'll cancel me if they find out." "I understand," she whispered, her mind already beginning to work. "Now," he said as he got up and sat back down in the chair next to the couch, "give them to your Bathroom Tigers...let them run with it." She had already started tuning him out as she sank back into the sofa staring blankly at the coffee table. Her mind was taken by her Tigers, given free range to roam as they roared in her head chewing code in their massive jaws, their silky white and orange striped fur stained in crimson. An hour later she blinked slowly feeling lightheaded but her thoughts were clearer than they had been in weeks. She was aware of the television on, game...baseball...and Joshua watching it intently. Bosox, she registered. He was watching a Bosox game...in her apartment...the nerve. "I'm going to sleep," she announced quietly. "You're done?" he asked startled she had spoken. "Yeah, it's all good..." she noticed then his bags. They hadn't been there before had they? He apparently thought he was at least spending the night. Ha ha, she mused to herself, wrong again old boy. "I thought it would take a lot longer," he said turning the volume down on the tv. She shrugged, "I just checked that the primers would work, not what they actually translated. I could care less, really, what they translate it into, just as long as I can...if I wanted to." "Oh," he said simply, though to her, it seemed he had expected such an answer. She got up slowly and stretched as he watched. "Set the alarm on your way out," she said flatly and walked away. "Paige," he called to her stopping her right before the hallway, though she did not turn around. "I'm sorry." She closed her eyes for a moment, willing herself not to believe him. Yes, he had given her the primers and set those demons to rest, but he had also done a lot more that simply went unanswered for. Like the surveillance, the manipulations, the deceit, these had all gone without challenge...so far. The time would come for those actions to be scrutinized, but that time would not be now. She sighed softly in resignation. She would not give him the pleasure of knowing this, and so she accepted his words of apology, for one of the many hurts inflicted on her by him, in total silence. Without looking back she walked into her bedroom and closed the door softly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Joshua sat staring at the television though he did not watch it. He was unnerved and felt sick to his stomach with disgust. She had, he thought, actually taken everything better than he thought she would. That alone, however, did not ease his mind, or his stomach. He had lied to her, made her believe something that was not true, and he had done it with ease. When, he wondered, would his position be put on hold for his feelings? The sinking in his heart confirmed what his mind told him. It would never. He sighed and dialed his cell phone, "it's me," he said evenly when Michael answered. "What happened?" Joshua shook his head, amused with the flat tone Michael insisted on using. "We were right...we made a mistake." "So, what happened?" Michael asked again. "She had three primers, I gave her the rest." "What did you tell her?" "I told her I was worried, hated seeing her like this, and that no one could know I gave her the primers or I'd be cancelled." Michael was silent on the other end and Joshua knew his voice betrayed much more than he had intended. "Sometimes," Michael spoke softly, "we have to lie...do things we don't want to in order to gain something or protect something." He paused for a moment. "Paige...will eventually understand everything you have done." "Speaking from experience," Joshua stated simply. "Yes," Michael responded quietly. Joshua had not meant it to be a question, but knowing Michael knew what he felt like...made it at least a little better. Not right, but better. "In the interim?" Joshua asked. "We do what we have to do, just like always," Michael replied. It was Joshua's turn to be silent as he absently turned off the television. "Birkoff and I will be leaving in the morning. He has sent some information to your PDA." "Ok, I'm going to stay here, I'll look at it tomorrow." "Alright, I'll check in with you then." "Have a good flight," Joshua said and disconnected the line. He turned the lights off and took his boots off. He sat for a moment and thought about her. The way she smiled, how she moved, the delicate curves of her body, the look of pleasure on her face beneath him, how she made him feel alive. He also remembered the distant look in her eyes, how she trembled under his gaze sometimes, the anxiety in her movements that he caused, that he willingly tormented her with. He stretched out on the couch already formulating how to protect her from his plans, his objective, and most importantly, protect her from him. Return |
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