| "Between the Spaces" | ||
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Tuesday, 15th April 2002 08.00hrs There was never any question about going to work; she had arrived promptly in her office at 8am. Hazel had left messages on her desk for her, which included a meeting at 11am for which she still had to finish a report. She sighed deeply, and logged on to the computer and started to write. She finished the report just 20 mins before the meeting was due to start, and while the printer was busy making copies she headed for the coffee machine. Filling her mug with the dark brew, she leaned back against the counter and relaxed. Hazel stopped when she saw her, "Feeling better?" she enquired. Saf nodded, "Fine thanks, just a bit of a cold," Hazel smiled, "You still look a little pale." Saf didn't say anything, if Hazel had known the half of it, but she couldn't talk to anyone, and the one person she could have talked to, Paige, was busy with the case file. When she had got up that morning, and looked in the mirror, her reflection had been shocking, dark circles under the eyes, compounded by a paler than normal complexion; she had winced and then ignored it, after all she was supposed to have been off sick. She finished her coffee, and went off to the meeting, collecting her pad and paperwork on the way. It was nice to do something that didn't involve seduction or killings for a change. She finished the day with documenting the database she had written. All she need now was someone to put the data in to the system, she glanced down at her watch and noticed that it was after 6pm, if she wanted to relaxed before Rebecca arrived, she would have to leave. She took the slow route home, it was almost a certainty that Rebecca would be waiting and while she couldn't refuse to see her, she wasn't in any hurry to find out, but eventually she was at her garage door, and surprisingly no-one was waiting. 19.30hrs A knock at the door, informed her that Rebecca had arrived, later than she had expected or was it deliberate? She stood up and walked slowly to the door, `inviting' her in, she led the way up to the living area, and prepared to turn the music off, but Rebecca motioned her to leave it playing. "Aida?" she asked, Saf nodded, it was an old favourite, the opera was sung in Italian and the current track playing was Va Pensiero or the chorus of the Hebrew slaves; it never ceased to move her. All the grief from slavery, it was a potent reminder or how she herself had been a slave in the past. When it came to a finish, and the last note died, she flicked the remote and switched to a soft jazz collection, turning the volume down and asked "Would you like a drink? Tea, coffee? Or something stronger?" Rebecca replied softly "No, I'm fine," she paused for a moment, looking around, "This is a nice place, Gray told me he had situated you on the waterfront." Saf's throat tightened, she was freaked out by Rebecca being here, and now having this `normal' conversation, but she fought back the emotions and strangled out her reply, "Gray furnished it, decorated it, I just live here." She knew that was untrue, but she didn't want to claim ownership in case she had to surrender it, so she lied, deliberately, deceitfully. "So you don't think of it as home?" Rebecca's voice was quiet, but insistent. `So the questioning commences,' she thought, `not just a friendly visit from a concerned boss.' She hesitated a moment before giving her reply, "That's a little difficult, I don't think of anywhere as being my home. It's just a place to sleep and eat," it was true, but until she had said it out loud, she hadn't realised that she hadn't committed herself to either the SIA or New York. Rebecca looked at her, for a long moment, almost as though she were gauging whether she was telling the truth, and then changed the subject. "Tell me how you got on with Dr Allenson yesterday?" Saf thought she detected an edge in her voice, she shrugged, "I don't know, he/we spoke. Things are a bit clearer," she paused, still she felt the urge to unburden herself, and explain, but it was almost as though she couldn't find the key to unlock the gate, she muttered instead, "I.. I need time, to reflect on what he said," she was aware it was a pitiful excuse of an answer, but she didn't know what else to say. Rebecca had one very annoying habit, which was not to say anything, but waited instead for you to continue, eventually she knew you would give in. Saf looked down at her feet, mentally naming the bones in her ankle and toes, anything to occupy her mind, but she was close to surrender. She cleared her throat, "I think you were right," she turned her gaze on Rebecca, masking her feelings and continued "I don't think I had dealt with the issues from Immersion, I just pushed them into the background. Pete, Dr Allenson helped me to see where the problems were, and gave me some ways to deal with them, but it is going to take a while." She allowed her voice to tail off, naturally and was glad when Rebecca took up the reins, it gave her some breathing space and also to stave off the raging battle of demons inside her. Rebecca gazed at her calmly, seemingly unaware of the tensions, "I am glad he was able to help you. I reviewed the case notes made available to me, given the circumstances, you have coped very well," she smiled, "Perhaps we can have that drink now? Do you have any white wine?" Saf nodded, and stiffly walked over to the fridge, took out a bottle of chilled chardonnay and extracted the cork. Was she supposed to be happy that she had coped? What if the answers had been negative, what would Rebecca's reply had been then? She poured the wine into two tall stemmed glasses and returned to the couch. Deliberately she kept the conversation away from herself and onto more mundane things, work, social life, aware that Rebecca was probably `testing' her ability to cope out here in the big wide world. As they discussed her work, she realised she was enjoying the challenge of the environment, not her natural field, but it was stimulating and she let that emotion show in her conversation. She knew that Rebecca had picked up on it, and was mentally noting comments to write up on her file later, and Saf was determined not to give her any negative feedback. 22.00hrs Rebecca made her excuses and left, Saf was relieved. It had been hard work, the charade of portraying herself as this personality had been mentally exhausting, and she had struggled towards the end. Claiming she had a headache, had just been an excuse, she needed solitude and peace and not being interrogated every 5 mins, Rebecca had just smiled, apologised for taking so much of her time, and left. Emotionally she felt like a wreck, yes Pete had helped her to see the damage, but the rebuilding programme was too new, too much to deal with all at once. She cleared the things away, throwing the bottle in the trash and went to bed. Wednesday 16th April 2008 13.00hrs Her cell phone went, she excused herself from the staff room and took the call, it was Gray. "Can we talk?" she replied "Just one minute," she walked along to her office and closed the door, "Ok, we are clear." He was brief and too the point, she was to take out the boat and do some dawn fishing away from the dredging operations but at the point he specified, he would download the instructions to her computer, she was to start tomorrow morning, at 4.30am. She didn't say anything, there was no need to. She had her instructions; all she needed to do was to get the keys from Paige. That was her next problem, getting hold of Paige. It wasn't that she didn't want to, but the fragile hold she had over her emotions, wouldn't stand for Paige's insistence. However, if she left it until just before Paige left for work, she might get away with a shorter conversation; she smiled, and put in an alarm to contact her in 45 mins. Return |
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