| "Spaces Between" | ||
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Paige's Place May 8, 2008 0400 hours The sun had not come up yet but Paige woke with a start. The pain blasted through her head as the Bathroom Tigers roared at her from within. She grasped her head, "okay, okay," she whispered to herself glancing briefly toward where the body ought to lay on the couch across from her. Where was he? But then, he never did like to stay put, she recalled, and soon heard even breathing from behind her couch. She sat up slowly and peered over its back, down at him. She could not tell if he was awake or asleep and she didn't care, she just had to get the damn Tigers fed before they split her head in two. She stumbled to the table grabbing her gun, finally waking up a bit more to steady herself. Not enough sleep, she thought to herself, but the code was ready, the second primer had to be found, and the Tigers were eager to get on with it. She opened the blinds only a little bit, the small amount of light from the docks were quite bright in the darkness before dawn. She sighed, staring and studying the dock, as her finger absently played with the safety on her weapon. It was not long after then that the Bathroom Tigers fed. (0900 hours) The sun hurt her eyes as she squinted. She felt lightheaded and took a couple deep breaths as everything slowly came into focus. She listened carefully but heard nothing. There was no shift in the air as if someone had moved because the blinds were still. Then what was it this time? What had baited her out of her zone? The Bathroom Tigers waited silently, frozen with codes of string hanging from their mouths mid bite. "Where were you?" he said from behind her. With his question she was acutely aware of his position relative to her own. Despite that, she did not move or acknowledge she heard his voice. She wouldn't have to, really, Kihn knew she was quite aware of him. Her breathing however seemed to quicken as she felt something coming. It was him, and he moved closer to her though far enough away as to not invade her space. He was being careful. "In the water that is not..." "No," she said quickly as she looked to him. She saw it then, the tiniest flicker of the emotion that was worse then sympathy and disgusted, she had to return her gaze to the dock. She bit her bottom lip as she thought again of that meditation state that she had termed 'the water that was not water'. Kihn had showed it to her so she might escape for a time from her whipping mind. He hadn't been there, not at that particular moment, when she had left it there in the water, the object that represented her pain. The very same object that would demand to be taken back should she ever go into the water again. "I left my baseball there," she said finally. He was silent for some time just watching her as she studied the docks. "I have never seen you do this before, nor heard you practiced," he offered gently. She narrowed her eyes and flicked the safety off the gun. He was only supposed to guard, not watch. She clenched her jaw and turned fully to him. She studied him carefully and saw hardly anything that reflected back to her. He had seen something that he probably shouldn't have, that he didn't understand; something that was transient and would be done with as soon as she could break all of the primers. It was her intention to only get some sleep not to be awoken by the Bathroom Tigers, not to zone out, not to draw this sort of attention and worry. He did not know the source of her behavior, though she knew he wanted to, and she was determined to keep it from him. What had happened to her at the hands of Joshua and Michael was between her and the two of them. She would yield to them only until she figured a way out from beneath them. That 'way' had to be figured out by her and her alone because bringing anyone else into it, letting anyone know, would only end up badly. She was not prepared to hold guilt for any more bodies because she did not know what Joshua and Michael were prepared to do, how far they would go, or who or what they would hold over her head in order to ensure her submission. No, she was not prepared to hold guilt for his body either. She would tell him to drop it, and if that didn't work she would ask, and if that still didn't work, she would force it. "Leave it alone," she said softly though she laced her tone with the intended warning, "it has nothing to do with you." She could see the defensive posture taken but she did not care. It was for his own good, and she would convince herself of that much later. The creek of her cell phone made her flinch, which made Kihn react, which reflexively brought her gun up into his face. He froze as she trembled slightly warning him with her eyes to back up.Her Bathroom Tigers moved almost instantaneously crouched on their haunches, ears flat against their heads, and they roared loudly at him. She knew instinctively there was more to the Tigers behavior than just protecting their code. They were challenging him, daring him to push her just a little further. Why? The answer was as profound as grasping relativity...Kihn had acquired some Bathroom Tigers of his own and currently...they were fixed on her. The whipping thoughts fell from her mind as the only thing she sensed was the pounding blood in her temples, the snarls of her Tigers, and the warm curve of steel on her fingertip. Once again, it seemed life and death teetered on the balanced weights of trust and distrust. It was this emotion that always drove them into the spaces between love and hate, pain and pleasure, retribution and forgiveness. They never did operate long in these infinitesimal spaces once they met but always when something was wrong and always it proved difficult for her. So, she waited for him to move because she did not trust herself not to send a bullet deep into his brain. He lifted his hand slowly, his left hand she registered somewhere as her Tigers stopped snarling to see what he would do. Unlike her, he was right handed and if he was to attempt to relieve her of her weapon he would not prefer to use his left hand nor move it so slowly. He never took his eyes off hers as he gently moved the barrel of her weapon away from his face. Her arm dropped to her side the weight of the weapon it would seem, suddenly too difficult to hold up anymore. The gravity of the situation hit hard as she lowered her gaze to the floor. How far were her emotions going to push her to the edge? How close had this almost come to getting... The cell phone, forgotten by both, screamed again. ...out of hand? She moved towards the table replacing her cell phone with the weapon. "Yeah," she said quietly. "Come into Safehouse 2." It was Gray. "What's up?" she asked. "We've got an intel sortie for you and Baz, be there in an hour, sooner if you can?" "Yeah, sure," she replied. The thought of once more dueling with the outside made her stomach turn. "And wear something nice," he added before disconnecting the line. Nice? What's that supposed to mean? She looked to Kihn who had made his way over to her. She offered a sad smile, "sorry about that, it's been difficult...adjusting." He nodded his head. "Ok, well, that was Gray I have to go." She said evenly. "Mission?" he asked. She shrugged, "I dunno, me and Baz, one of the guys on my team are going out...somewhere." He nodded his head and stood there watching her. "Where do you live?" she asked suddenly wondering as it was only fair since he knew where she was. He frowned for a moment as he looked around, "do you have a map?" She nodded and went to a small cabinet sifting through one of the drawers. She pulled out a map of the northeast and handed it over to Kihn. He opened it, studying it for a moment, tracing his finger to a particular corner of north west New Jersey. "Here," he said his finger finally still. She leaned in looking for a moment as the image was captured in her head. "Cool, cell phone?" He fished it out of his pocket and handed it over. She memorized the number then put hers in. "At least this stupid memory is good for something," she mumbled. She handed the phone back and looked at him for a moment. "I just need some time," she said softly. "I know," he said quietly. "Set the alarm before you leave, k?" He nodded his head and she left him for the shower. Return |
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