| "The White" | ||
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Paige's Place May 4, 2008 2300 hours It was all that consumed her now...again, as she sat in the hallway of her darkened apartment. One hand clutched her weapon, the other rubbed her temples trying to push away the crushing pain in her head. One of her Tigers lay near her and let out a whine every now and again. She didn't have the energy to even move let alone deal with the Tiger. There were no thoughts now racing about her head. Just pain...dull, steady, and white behind her eyes. It made her queasy and if she had the strength to even crawl to the bathroom, she was sure she would heave. It was the paranoia, and it had come seeping in again like a swollen Easter tide only hours ago. She had awoken early, too early for the night of drinking and physical activities she had partaken in. She had promised the Tigers she would play with them and she had kept that promise. She went through the code and was quite pleased at the job they had done, only a few strings had needed some of her help. The first primer had proved correct then, filtered through perfectly, and she was to start work on the second. Joshua had awakened and gained her attention for a few hours, the search for the second primer temporarily put on the back burner. He had left eventually telling her he wouldn't be around for a couple days maybe longer. She took the news in stride with a straight face. He did not owe her an explanation of his whereabouts, though 'away for a few days' hardly passed as an explanation. Still, he didn't have to tell her anything...yet he did. He had kissed her again before leaving, had even rubbed his thumb lightly along her cheek as he held her face, a gesture, she believed, belonged to those that were intimate...not those who indulged in casual sex. She held her ground under the gesture, held her breath, silent, until he had set the alarm and the door had been shut. She had went towards the sliding glass doors then but was forced to stop. She didn't dare go nearer than a few feet. She didn't dare go outside. She stood trembling...she was trapped in here. So now, she found herself in the hallway, the only place she felt somewhat safe, away from doors and windows. Why at night was it always worse? The pounding never ceased in her head, the white was all too familiar. She had been here many times before though sometimes the white would change itself into gray, or sometimes even blue or red. Whichever color her mind assigned to the feeling of pain did not really matter because the white, the white was the worst. The Tiger never left her side and had she not been so distracted with the pain she might have wondered about that. She did not sleep, or at least, she didn't think she did, just waited until the first rays of light of dawn tempted her back to reality. 'Have to call Saf', a single structured thought finally made it through all the white. She grunted and willed herself to move as the Bathroom Tiger paced uneasily near her. She managed herself to the bathroom pulling out a bottle of ibuprofen and choked down more than were needed to do the job. She sat on the edge of the bathtub then, sipping water and waiting for the drugs to kick in, waiting for the white to go away. She didn't understand why it came on all so suddenly. The last couple times the paranoia had slowly seeped in, but this time...this time it had come crashing in to slap her right in the face. Got to figure that out. Got to call Saf. "I know," she mumbled pulling herself up and shuffling into the living room. (0830 hours, May 5) She grabbed the phone and didn't bother calling Saf's home number, instead opting for the celly, which proved to be correct. Also by the breathy sound of her voice Paige knew Saf was with Him, Alexei, the one that now rendered Paige second fiddle on Saf's list of 'those that get attention'. She held nothing back letting the displeasure be heard in the harshness of her voice. Looking for Mercy Street, Saf had replied and silenced Paige into thought. Mercy Street, coined by an old friend of Paige's that described a place of safe haven one may sometimes go when all else fails or were in trouble. Paige had been there, sometimes alone, sometimes with others. A few times though, Mercy Street was nowhere to be found, someone had moved the sign and left her to take whatever punishment she deserved. But everyone deserved to go there...at least once, didn't they? So what if Saf found someone worth more than a few drinks and one night. So what if Saf found someone who was worth knowing their first name. So what if she found Mercy Street in the arms of a man named 'Alexei'. Who was Paige to pass judgement on her? Particularly, when Paige found herself in the most distorted relationship either one of them had EVER had! No, she was not in a position to adjudicate or hand out sentence, so she sighed and let it go, listening to the dead line of the celly for some time after Saf had disconnected. Yeah, Saf might think she's found Mercy Street, but Paige, deep in her heart, swore they might have moved that sign. Paige, ignoring the low growls from her Tiger, had grabbed the pillow and blankie Joshua had used and curled up on the couch. The scent that he left always made her feel...not so alone. She watched her Tiger come over and tentatively sniff the blankie always watching her. Then, uncharacteristically, the Tiger lay down stretching his long body across the base of the couch. Paige wondered if the beast sensed her trepidation, her anxiety, her fear, of being alone in the apartment with someone outside watching. Even if he didn't he would be demanding of her attention later and she needed to take advantage of this time, she needed to rest. Her head still throbbing softly, she dropped into an uneasy sleep filled with tigers and strings of code. Return |
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