| "Acceptance" | ||
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Jordan's Place May 5, 2008 1705hrs Jordan watched Baz sip his coffee; hers was on the table, yet to be touched. Now that he was sitting here in front of her, she didn't know what to say, what was there to say after all? That she had been a dumb ass to fall for Tommy? That she had almost let her team down? "Jordy, it's okay. You don't have to say anything." Baz spoke up; apparently her face was being transparent again. She shook her head, "No�I need to, but I can't." Baz looked at her with concern, "It's okay if you can't, but if you need to, why don't you let me start then?" She looked at him for a moment, Baz? Start? She wasn't too sure about that, but what the hell, so she nodded. "I don't know much Jord, so you might have to help me out a bit here�I do know from what I've heard from Tommy, as I told you before." "That we just clicked�we did Baz, it was like no relationship that I have ever had, hated the crap out of him until he started acting all sweet and cute�" she answered, looking at him, wondering what he was thinking, was he judging her? Thinking less of her? Baz nodded, silent for a moment. "You know Jord, Tom was an amazing guy�with the charms at least. I don't think he was or is worth the effort, after all, look what he does for a living." Pausing he looked at her, almost trying to see what she was thinking, except she knew he wouldn't be able to read her face, not this time anyways. "What I'm trying to say here, is that you can do better girl, and look at that crazy shit he does, jumping off the machinery *just for kicks* and that mountain bike trip you guys went on, you said it yourself, he nearly killed you going down that steep rocky slope." She nodded slowly, knowing he was right, how has she let her guard down like this, and gotten so intimate with Tommy? She was a trained operative, able to withstand and effectively deal with anything, in any situation�and yet� She leaned over, grabbing her mug of coffee, with the sudden motion though, some coffee spilled over the edge and onto the carpet. She didn't care, taking a sip of the caffeinated brew, mulling over Baz's words over in her head. "You're right Baz, this is silliness and I'm being stupid." "No Jordy, not stupid." She shock her head, "Yes, stupid, look how engrossed and obsessed I've become with this. What I need to do now is what I should've done when we finished that mission, forget about him, learning from this like I should be doing." Baz nodded, "I know you're good for it Jordy, you are strong." She smiled at him, somewhat off guard at the comment, but let it go. He was helping her at least, more help than she had ever received from anyone in Section, at least here she could acknowledge her thoughts and feelings, Section, one hint of emotional instability, it was off to the white room for a bullet in the head. She shivered at that thought�welcome to know that she was away from them, away from everything. Sometime later� She sat in the darkness of the living room, the only light coming from the streetlights outside. Baz had left, Gray had phoned him, asking him to come in. She smiled when Baz apologized for having to leave, but that is how things were. Before he had left he told her something she hadn't thought about since�since before she knew Section existed. "We're only human Jordy." And he was right; somewhere along the way she had lost her human feeling. She wasn't human. She was an object, a service with a task to do, nothing more. Yet, under that face, here she was. Human, surviving the way she knew how to, modifying her actions and character to suit her needs (and their needs/wants). So when it came down to it all, Tommy, feeling the way she did, reacting how she did, was all a way of coping, coping with something far greater than she was able to comprehend at that time. Perhaps she did not even comprehend it now. All of them, Paige, Baz, Sara, they all existed in a non-ordinary world, cut off from the ordinary world everyone else lived in. She longed to be ordinary, but knew that would never be possible. When it came down to it, down to the very bottom, only two things mattered�being human and coping. Return |
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