| "What Now" | ||
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May 5, 2008 Kendra Books, Laurence Harbor 1130 hrs Jordan stared out the window at the pouring rain; she was bored, no one was out and about in this rain, no one to come visit her and buy a book or two. Didn't help that there was no one to talk to, she was the only one working. Mind you, it was nice to work alone, she hadn't done that in awhile and she had begun to feel that the store wasn't hers anymore. It was almost like she had spent too much time away from it during Samboy. Odd, she wasn't supposed to get attached, not to her house, not to her possessions, it could all be taken away so fast, changing without even a moments notice. No attachments, yet Tommy had happened, how could she have let that get so far? It was just no good. She sighed as she brought back the memories of the night she betrayed him� April 28th, 2008 Safehouse 2 0415hrs Jordan opened her car door for Baz after painfully watching him trying to open the door through his gauzed up hands, "You'll get used to it soon enough, but I bet by the time that happens you can take it off." she commented to him. Baz laughed, and nodded, "Just my luck too eh?" Walking around to her side, she opened the door that Baz had already unlocked for her and climbed in. She wasn't surprised to not feel any warmer in the car, it was just as chilly inside as it was outside. She turned the car on, quickly turning down the music that came blaring out of the speakers, "Sorry" she mumbled to Baz. Baz however just smiled and shrugged. "No worries Jordy." They drove in silence, silence that she did not like, it was giving her time for her mind to start going�thinking about Tommy�she tried to push the thoughts of him out of her mind, but was failing. He hates her now�but it doesn't make a difference. She knew it was just a mission, a lie packed relationship based on nothing. But it wasn't based on nothing. "Jord?" "Huh?" she replied, returning her attention to Baz. "I said, you okay?" Jordan looked at him, thinking about her reply. "Ya, I'm fine." she answered quickly, knowing she was lying. Baz looked at her for a moment, but did not say anything. They drove through the dark night in an uncomfortable silence while she was wondering if Baz was going to say anything. Turning on to Baz's street she breathed a sigh of relief, he hadn't asked her anything. She was safe. She stopped at the side of the road, "You okay getting in?" Baz nodded, but didn't move. In a quiet voice Baz said, "Jord�I heard you brought Tommy in, that he was one of the runners. Are you okay?" Tensing up, she thought quickly, her voice in her head telling her to deny everything, that she was fine, nothing to worry about. Nodding, "Of course I'm okay. It was just a mission, nothing more, nothing less. Just doing my job." she insisted, hoping he would buy it. Baz looked at her for another moment, "Tommy was talking to us guys one night Jord, saying that you and him connected, clicked. So don't tell me that it was just a mission, I can see it all over your face that it wasn't." She stared at him, not knowing what to do�was she that transparent? She wasn't supposed to be weak like this, no, she was supposed to be tough. Why did she suddenly feeling like balling�no she wasn't going to do it here, no not in front of Baz. "Okay," she reasoned with him, "maybe it did get to me, maybe the relationship with Tommy was more than just a mission, but I can't deal with this right now. I know I should talk, but I just can't." "Fair enough," Baz replied. "But Baz, thank you." Baz nodded, and opened the car door. "I'm only a phone call away Jordy." She nodded and put the car into drive as Baz closed the door, not knowing if she could do it. Drive she told herself. She looked at Baz's retreating figure and then depressed the brake. She drove home, not thinking, at least trying not to. The loud, obnoxious music helped. Once home, she could barely climb the stairs to bed and collapsed on top of the blankets, clothes and all and slept. The bang of the door brought her back into the present. There was the door was a middle aged woman shacking herself off. "What a rain out there." the lady commented. "Yes, you'd think it'll never stop." she replied. The women laughed, "Ya, almost like we haven't had rain in months!" "There is some tea of coffee by the lounge chairs, you are welcome to help yourself." she replied. "Thank you my dear, just what I need right now," the women replied as she made a b-line for the table. She watched the women for a moment, and then looked back outside�it was all gray, much like she was feeling. She couldn't move on, it was very much like she was stuck in time. The whole world was going on about its business, waving hello to her as it passed, but leaving her behind all the same. Something needed to change, she knew it, knowing that she couldn't take much more of this�the guilt. The hole she was digging was just getting deeper and deeper. She waited until the woman left before picking up the phone, dialing the number she had tried for the past week, but had hung up even before the first ring. She listened to the ringing, first once, then twice, a third time�no one was home- "Hello?" "Hey�I'd Jord." "Jordan, how ya doing?" "Pretty good�you know how you mentioned the other night your only a phone call away?" "Yep." "Well�" she paused, not know what to say, what could she say without seeming weak? "I was wondering if you wanna have coffee or something later this afternoon?" "Sure Jordy, you name the place and time and I'll be there." "Okay, how about my place, say around 5?" "Sure, catch ya later." She hung up the phone, wondering if she made the right choice calling Baz. Return |
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