| "Reflections" | ||
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24th May 2008 02.20hrs She didn't watch the aide leave, her mind was on the now, not what had passed. She took a clean gauze swab and immersed it in the warm liquid and gently started to clean away the dried on blood. It was peaceful in here, Paige looked vulnerable and defenceless, and that was why she was here, as protection. Not that she had a reason to suspect anyone, but that's what they did best, protecting each other. She heard the door open, and the hackles rose on the back of her neck; it was him. She felt his presence tangible as though the air was as solid as he was, and by his passing he forced it towards her. She ignored his entry and continued her task as though he had never appeared, his words were treated the same way, she had nothing of note to say to him; she held him responsible for what had happened to her friend. It was his instructions to Paige that had brought her tumbling down from the heights. "I'm sorry. For snapping at you in the chopper�I had no right." He was right about that, but she let it wash over her, refusing to respond, her hands didn't hesitate about her task, and her gaze stayed on the prone body on the bed; she wished he would just go away and leave them alone, permanently. His words were soft, but grated on her, "Frustrated� they're injured so bad." She didn't want to hear this, `Like he really cares,' she thought. "I don't like the operatives, MY team getting injured�" It was that word from him `MY', that made her respond, her tones icy and cold, "1. They are agents, not operatives. 2. they are most definitely not YOURS." She glared at him, challenging him to prove her wrong. Surprisingly he dropped his gaze first. Her hands had involuntarily tightened around the bars of the bed, `Who the fuck does he think he is, assuming ownership of them as though they were property.' If she had her weapon handy, but it was on the other side of the bed, and she wouldn't reach it before him. All she wanted was to be left alone, just her and Paige. "You're right." He agreed, "Agents and not my teams." His voice interrupted her thoughts and when she looked at him in surprise, she was stunned to see a lost expression on his face. "They know�all of them�what could happen�what could happen on a mission�and," he shook his head and turned his gaze to the prone figure on the bed. "I just�just always think it can never happen�and," he gestured towards Paige, "this�happens." A pause and then with a hint of self blame in his voice, "It gets under my skin�I get so angry with myself, thinking I could have, should have done something different�" It was like Section, these missions where she led a team and had to face the consequences of seeing them injured or worse, dead. The guilt that you felt at seeing their broken bodies and knowing they had been used to ensure success of the mission was a pain so unique she had known nothing remotely like it. Involuntarily she spoke, "They know," it hadn't been directed at him, it was just a statement of fact. He looked at her, and she knew he felt the same painful guilt, "It doesn't make it feel any better, that's why I snapped at you�and I'm sorry." She nodded, she had nothing to say, nothing that would assuage that guilt or the pain it brought and make it better. She wiped a gauze swab gently over Paige's neck, wondering as she did, what made Joshua tick, this was the first time she had spent any time with him and he posed more questions; he was confusing. "Do you know what sunfalls and watershine is?" still stuck in her thoughts she only just caught his words, before he continued, "Paige said that before�before she crashed and I don't know what she meant. Do you?" She thought about it, Paige was complicated; she did things differently, thought differently. She didn't always know why Paige did things, only that she could be trusted. She stroked Paige's brow gently, "no, I don't know what that is, but Paige� is different. Her mind works different than ours so�it could have meant anything...and it might have meant absolutely nothing at all." "Yeah, she definitely works on a different plane than us." He smiled, and she withdrew into herself, it was out of place. He looked down on Paige with a strange expression in his eyes, "And 52 pick up? What's that all about?" She smiled, allowed a small chuckle to escape, the first time Paige had used that expression had been during their training. During one fight in the gym, she had received a kick to the head and it had given her a mild concussion, she had seemed distracted for a few hours afterwards and when Saf had pushed her to provide the information on the lecture that morning, one she hadn't understood fully, Paige couldn't. Instead she had responded, `I know it, I just can't get it to the base. It's just like playing 52 card pickup, at the moment the data is scrambled.' "Her memory, she describes it as pictures�and when they get all scrambled up she says putting them back in order is like playing 52 pick up." She smiled gently at the warmth of those memories, one of the few happy memories she had of Section. He wrinkled his brows, "She'll get them in order though, right?" and looked towards Saf, hope in his eyes. Saf shrugged, "Well, we ran a mission in Belize where she got a head injury, worse than this time and she managed that ok. I'm sure she'll do fine with this one." Sure Paige would be fine, just a bit cranky while she put her mind in order and she wasn't going to be the one to upset her, she had seen the results of that from other unwise personnel time after time. No the safest course would be to just let Paige be, let her find her own game, just offer a bed, a blanket and a cup of Joe. "How's her back?" he brought her back to the present with his words, and her response was softer, "Bruised, pretty nasty," she gestured for him to see, moving to one side so he could join her at her side of the bed. She watched him closely; his colour paled slightly when he saw the extent of the bruising. It looked worse than it would feel, but it would hurt like hell for a few days until the worst was out, so she held back her sarcasm, "Yeah, she's gonna feel these for a couple days, as are you." Her gaze was on Paige's back, so she didn't see a response until he reached out a hand and then she felt her forearm being touched by his big, gentle hands. "She's lucky," he whispered, "to have you. To watch over her, be her friend." Startled, she turned her gaze onto him, `No she was the lucky one, without Paige she wouldn't have survived on more than one occasion, and she owed her.' But he was nearly right, watching over each other was important; "It's very rare and precious to have that in our line of work," his voice was husky with emotion. Saf studied him intently, `It was rare and more precious than even he knew', She searched for the truth in his gaze, and then blinked slowly before offering a tentative smile. "I know," her voice was soft, and she brought her hand up to gently squeeze his forearm, needing to make the contact with him. He seemed to care, very much, and not just about Paige either and she herself was too aware of how Section could harden people, perhaps he was a survivor too? He dropped his gaze and shifted his weight, as though he had said too much already, his arm dropped from hers and a smile hovered around his lips. "Thanks," he said softly, "for listening to me." At the loss of contact, she felt she had lost something, but not something she could name. When he had closed the door, she turned back to Paige, and spoke gently, "Who is he Paige? And why does he always have the right words, hey?" there was no response form the sleeper, who was unaware of the questions, "OK, forget it, no doubt he will be back, and the truth always rises to the surface." She disposed of the bowl of water and dirty swabs and then realised, she couldn't leave her alone, not to wake up alone and possibly disoriented. She yawned, curled up in the chair, and catnapped, knowing at the slightest disturbance or movement she would wake. Her dreams were disoriented, strands of missions and operatives swam though her dreams, the jungles of Belize, the cold wastes of Russia, the heat of Giljit, the dangers she and Paige had faced together and survived. This would be no different. 06.30hrs The door opened, Gray beckoned to her to. She had woken the instant the door had opened, and now stiffly, she unwound her body from the chair, and with a single backward glance left Paige to her rest. She had no choice, but to go, but she knew Paige would understand. Return |
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