| "Something More" | ||
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Your temptations are ugly Moving forward by stumbling Breathing in all that we see Holding all that we could be Hold your breath, I feel so afraid Save yourself, I feel so alive Hold your breath, I feel so afraid Save yourself, I feel so alive I feel so alive ~ A Point in Time, by Onesidezero May 25, 2008 Eric's Place 1500 hours The mission completed and the hated and revered Joshua once again having achieved what he wanted, Paige and Eric slept calmly in the coruscating daylight. He had taken off her cast with a pair of bolt cutters. It wasn't the best tool for the job, and it had hurt like hell, but it had worked. They hadn't talked too much, just enough to sort out some food, drink, and sleeping arrangements. They were both exhausted and ended up crashing on the couches in the living room where they had slept hours before. When they had finally stirred Eric drove Paige back to the city. May 25, 2008 Safehouse 1, parking garage 1700 hours Paige got out of Eric's truck and waited as he retrieved her bag from the back and walked around to her. "You will be ok, to drive home?" She shrugged. "I gotta get another cast on this arm. I'll get home ok, it's not that far of a drive." "Maybe I should stay?" "No, it's ok," she smiled up at him. "You've done enough. Already." She took a step near him putting her arms around his neck, hugging him. After a moment, he returned the embrace and they stood there, hugging each other for some time. "Thank you," she whispered into his neck, "for helping me." She moved a little putting her hands on either side of his face. She looked into his eyes letting him see her gratitude. "Thank you," she whispered and stood on her toes to kiss him gently on his cheek, on the corner of his lips, "Snowy Owl." She withdrew smiling softly as he just stared at her. She let her hands trail down his face grasping his dark hair gently. She nodded her head as he let her go and she turned and walked away slowly. She didn't deserve it. Him. His want to help her. She didn't deserve it. She had sunk so low. She smiled as she waited for the lift. But sometimes being low wasn't so bad. Sometimes you had to hit rock bottom to finally be able to look up. Finally be able to gain a moment of clarity. Sometimes you just had to sink that low. And with the people she surrounded herself with, Saf, Baz, Jordan, and Eric, she would always have a hand to pull her up. The lift arrived and she stepped into it, hitting the button for medsurg and looking to Eric who still stood just as she left him. She smiled softly to him as the lift doors slid shut. She took a deep breath assessing her situation. Ok, new cast with some story of falling near the docks by her apartment. Not so plausible, but it could work. One hour later Paige grinned as she made her way to her car. The docs had taken her story without a problem and fitted her with a new cast. A blue one. Just like it should be. Blue. She got into her car barely managing the seat belt and stared at her stick shift. "And just how am I to work you?" she asked it. It didn't answer, which was a good thing. After five minutes she finally got it in reverse and swore that from that moment on she would park ass end in the parking lot. The drive back to her apartment was for the most part hilarious. Working the stick with the cast had proved a difficult task but she had managed. When she had reached her apartment she sat outside in the car staring at the truck. The big silver truck that belonged to Joshua. She knew he would be here and once again was torn between wanting him there and not wanting him there. A part of her just wanted a moment's peace, a chance to get some sleep in her own bed alone. She didn't like being around him because she had become his possession and she didn't like that feeling of being one of his objects to play with at will. And another part wanted to see him, needed to see him. Not just for what he did to her physically, not because of the places he took her to, because there was always that buzzing in her mind, that discordant note ringing when he was near, always that intangible something of a warning. And then he would be there with his flesh and his blood and his wants and his demands and his body, god that beautiful body of his. And the fire was always seductive enough to make her leave whatever that intangible something was behind. But there was also, and he didn't know it, the fact that their relationship had changed somewhat in the darkness of the Pennsylvanian woods. She had achieved a moment of clarity and the one thing that had been lacking on her end�control. She would have to show him without telling him anything. And she wasn't quite sure how to do that. She would have to lie about Eric. There was no way of getting out of that. To give Joshua just the slightest idea, the tiniest hint, of what was between herself and Eric would be treacherous. Joshua could never know that Eric helped her unwillingly, that his only reason for helping was to ensure her safety. No, Joshua could never know that. If he did, there was no telling what he would do or how he would use that information against either herself or Eric. It was a particularly dangerous situation because once Joshua knew he could control someone, there was no end to the pain he could inflict. And Joshua could inflict enough hurt that'd last a dozen lifetimes. It was bad enough she had compromised herself, had sunk to a low she didn't even know existed, but to give Eric up? To hand him over to the menace, the intensity, that was Joshua? That alone might be enough to kill her...and she wouldn't need Joshua's help with that. Why did she spend so much time and effort in the tormenting thoughts of him? She wanted to walk away and couldn't walk away. There was no two steps forward and one step back, not even that. It was just standing still. Standing still like she and him were the only two people left on the face of the planet. The only two. There was no give and take, there really had never been. It was either all give or all take all of the time. It was like living in a world where the rules of science and physics no longer applied. Up was down, down was up, backwards was forwards, and forwards was always backwards. When would it stop? When would this spinning down into the fiery hell ever stop? She remembered someone saying that love and hate were two sides of the same coin. What they had was passion...the same passion that fueled anger and hate, fueled love and desire. So, did they love each other? She didn't think so. But desire...there was plenty of that. All they had of each other was this feeling inside, this desire, this burn and passion for one another. Outside of that, they had nothing at all. And it seemed every waking moment, every new encounter with him was just another torment, another round of 'should I or shouldn't I' for her. But they would have to deal with that, burn and burn until there was nothing left. Just nothing left. She got out of her car with a sigh and ran from it as it was raining, and from the size of the puddles she stomped through, it had been raining for some time. She made her way upstairs and opened her door noting the security was already turned off. She surveyed the scene, Michael the Fish was where he should be, thankfully not starving since she had gotten him his own plant. Joshua's coat was on her couch and his bag was on the floor next to it, but he was not. She scanned the room again, noting the blinds over the glass sliding door to her balcony were moved. She shrugged off her jacket that was only half on since she couldn't fit her cast through the sleeve, and made her way to the doors. Return |
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