| "Darkness Chasing" | |||
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May 30, 2008 Paige's Place 0500 hours She didn't know why she woke up so early. She just did. She missed the sunshine, she missed the light. And what better way to pay homage to it than to watch it come into the world. Every morning, without fail, the giant golden orb rose from the bay. Fire and water. Hated enemies in her world, but out there, at the horizon where the sun lived, and the bay lived, it was harmony, and it was always beautiful. She grasped her mug tightly as she sat down on one of the two white resin chairs that occupied her balcony. She took a tentative sip of the steaming mug of coffee and smiled. The first sip of coffee in the morning was always the best. She propped her feet up on the railing watching the glowing brightness off to the east. The reeds that covered the marina inlet swayed gently in an early morning breeze that promised that warmth would come soon. A few seagulls, awakened by the brightness rode the breezes starting their day hunting and scavenging. Flying rats, her dad used to call them. Still, they were beautiful in their own right. Joshua and Brian were asleep. The former in her bed and the latter on her couch. Joshua would be leaving soon to catch an early flight to France to start what she believed to be some sort of hearing on the events that unfolded two nights ago. An Inquiry had been made but in all her years in Section she had never been privy to one made at such a high level. Madeline's death it seemed had still yet to be made official. She needed no word from a higher authority, from any authority, that Madeline was dead. They would know because the bullets would match the gun taken from Safara. They would know because Safara was currently being held at Section for the crime. She knew because Safara did it right in front of her. Paige watched the dark blue give way to a brighter blue as the show was underway. Baz had left yesterday. A call from Gray and he was assigned to a surveillance mission. He had called her last night to let her know that. She had been concerned with his still injured shoulder and him being alone. But he had assured her it was just surveillance, just the background work for an upcoming case file. Not that she had the authority to pull him off the case, not that she had any authority, he humored her nonetheless and she was grateful for it. She was grateful he was who he was and how easily he accepted being rostered with such a high risk trio. But not just accepted it, he worked at keeping them grounded, keeping them sane and together. He was a colorful and necessary buffer between the three of them and the authority they were still struggling to confide in. He had picked up Jordy on his way out and dropped her at Saf's to retrieve her car. Jordan than came to Paige's place and the two of them with Brian took the boat out on the bay for a couple hours. Joshua had stayed behind working and even that was okay. The space had been good for both him and her and the normalcy of boating with a friend and the boy had been a welcomed retreat from the stress of the last week. Joshua. She sighed as the light blue gave way to a deep yellow orange type color, that type of color that a sunrise (or a sunset) was only capable of blending together. She took another sip of coffee replaying in her mind bits of the various things Joshua had said to her over the months. She pondered the words he said just the other night and the notion of mutual ownership. Is that what it was? He had said the word 'love' many times but he didn't mean it in the normal sense of the word. Then again, there was nothing normal about what was between them. Love was never the issue. Love was not the thing to be tamed. It was their minds, the burning intensity and passion between them. Their hearts were merely passengers on this journey, stand bys, baggage, and what had transpired between them, happened regardless of where their hearts stood. There was no room for love between them. No room for anything, no room for thought or expression, regret, reflection or contemplation. No room for anything except the passion and the desire to own and to be owned. Mutual ownership. He couldn't have described it better. His words were true and the lesson was as bitter as the coffee she drank. He was right. Damn him, he was so right. He had given everything and she had taken it. Not without thought though because she had thought long and hard about him. Almost obsessively and certainly exhaustively. But she took it and apparently she gave it back because he was exactly where she was. The owned and the owner. Passion did burn both ways, she just hadn't realized it until he laid it out for her. He was everything he said he was and he was nothing more. She realized it now though. Better late than never. The sun peaked over the fuzzy horizon and she put her thoughts to rest to concentrate fully on it. The show would be forever captured in her mind to join the countless others already there. She would never compare them though, each one was unique in their own special way. Each one held their own space and held it in glorious fashion. So she sat, and she sipped her coffee, and she watched the sun rise. The sliding glass door opened behind her but she didn't take her eyes off the rising orb. "You wanna be alone?" Joshua asked softly. "No," she answered simply. He sat down in the other chair sipping from his own coffee mug and taking in the view. "Good coffee," he said casually. Paige just nodded and they sat in silence for some time until the sun sat heavy and swollen perched over the horizon like a big yellow circus ball. "It's beautiful," he said quietly. "They always are," she said smiling. "I never took you for a morning person but you love your sunrises." She had never told him that. Normally that might disturb her but it seemed natural that he should know this detail...he loved the sunrise, too. "Like you love to watch me sleep," she commented. "Yep," he said propping his feet on the railing as well. "You know why I watch you sleep?" "Because you're demented?" He snorted. "No. It's not that simple. Well...maybe it is, I dunno." "So, why do you watch me sleep?" "I watch you sleep. Your eyes closed, an expression of peace upon your face, and I can't help but smile. It's the most beautiful thing in the world to see someone sleep. Sleep is contentment, natural, but also vulnerable. You're vulnerable when you sleep, and the fact that I get to watch you sleep says a lot." She looked to him for the first time since he had joined her but he was looking towards the horizon, his blue eyes fixed on the sun, his hair still wet and trailing over his shoulders. "I almost want to reach out and touch you, but I don't, because I don't want to wake you up. That's your moment of peace from the world, even if that world includes me. You need the time off, and I'm more than willing to give it to you at my expense." He looked to her briefly and smiled before taking another sip of his coffee and returning his attention to the sun. "Simple, I guess." She turned back to the view, the sun just a little bit higher in the sky and contemplated his words once again. Funny, how someone like him could say the most eloquent things without even trying. Maybe not so funny. "I spoke with Rebecca and Gray, smoothed things out with them. It's the usual offer nothing but you can confirm deal for you guys. I gave the lowdown to Baz as well. Not too much but enough so he can make sense of what happened. I'm sure he'll have questions for you and Jordy, Saf probably as well." "Not a big deal, Baz is as good as one of us." "Yeah, he's a good kid. I also talked to Rebecca about Brian and his situation. She said she'd discuss it with you." "Really?" Paige asked surprised. "Yeah, you know, she's not a bad person." "I know that," Paige shrugged, "it's just weird actually being involved with a decision after...you know, Section." "I know. You'll get used to it." "What about Saf? This hearing thing?" Joshua sighed and she wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not. "Madeline has a lot of enemies which makes things easier for me. I'm also very persuasive. I don't think..." "You don't think?" she said fixing her gaze on him. "Ok, I know that it will work out. I'll have Saf back here in a couple days." There was something he wasn't telling her. "What?" she asked. "What else?" Joshua shook his head in confusion, "Saf's not talking again. Not doing anything actually." Paige nodded, "well, it's not like you kill someone like Madeline in cold blood everyday. Something like that is bound to leave a few marks." Joshua got up and squatted in front of Paige leaning his back against the railing. He took her mug and placed it on the little table that stood between the chairs. "Knowledge is power, Paige. How you handle that knowledge, and the power that comes with it, is the difference between the followers, the leaders...and the great leaders. I believe you will fall into the latter most of those categories." "Is that so?" she smiled. "Listen," he admonished gently, "power is a funny thing. One day, you're walking through this world thinking you're just like everyone else, no more special than the average joe on the street. Yeah, you're dead to the outside world, but then you realize...you've got some power. You've got knowledge of what happens in that world, things, little things, little bits of pieces of information that you can control. And when you make that discovery? Man, it's sweet." He shook his head smiling. "I was 19 when I realized that. Just a punk, no direction, nothing to hold me back but nothing to propel me forward either. Then I met Harrison." Paige's heart quivered a little at the change on Joshua's face when the man's name left his lips. "Harrison was like a father. And he taught me many things. One of the most important things I think, he ever taught me was the likeness, the difference, and how to balance knowledge and power. You see," Joshua picked up one of her hands holding it straight in front of her so the fingers pointed up and her thumb was towards her. "A little awkward with this cast," he smiled gently, "but you'll get the idea." "See, this," he gestured towards her hand, "this is knowledge. Knowledge is a wonderful thing. It is nothing more than that which you know and that which can be utilized. Now the part that you know is all well and dandy but it can range from knowing the color of certain roses to the quadratic formula, each significant by itself but only in the proper context. From this, the part of knowledge that can be utilized." He picked her other hand up and placed it palm flat against her casted one. "Power is knowing when to utilize the knowledge. Power is derived from using the knowledge at the right place, at the right time, for the right purpose. When to use it to gain an ally, get ahead, use it to your advantage, to save yourself, to save someone else. Or to use it to break someone, earn an enemy, betray someone, control, manipulate, abuse, or intimidate. From knowledge comes power," he gently pushed her fingers down so they intertwined together. She stared at her hands, clasped awkwardly as if she were praying to the almighty Joshua that knelt before her. "Therefore knowledge, by definition...is power. And they are intertwined so tightly, that it's sometimes very difficult to know when to use which." He looked up forcing her own eyes to meet his. "What you have now is a lot of knowledge. And you need to be very diligent with how and when you utilize that knowledge..." "Why did you give it to me? Why did you do this?" "Because I know you'll do the right thing. You have what it takes you just need to be shown the right way." "And you're doing that? Showing me the right way?" He shook his head. "No. I'm giving you the components...what you make of them, what you create, or destroy, is up to you." "What if I decide to destroy you?" she asked arching an eyebrow slightly. "That would not be a wise way to utilize your knowledge...in fact, I'd call it stupid." She grinned. "Okay, I get it." "Good," he stood up. "You'll be a tough enemy some day." "Or a great ally." "That," he pointed at her, "you already are." More things to contemplate from him. That particular part of the conversation was directed at Saf, without a doubt. Paige would be the one to decide whether or not to tell Saf the truth about Michael being the one behind the chemical and not Madeline. "I have to go," he stretched. "I have a long flight." "I'll walk you out," she said getting up, grabbing her mug, and following him inside. Brian was awake sleepily drinking a glass a milk with his eyes riveted on the television. "You're going to rot your brain out watching so much tv," Paige said ruffling his hair. "I know," he mumbled. Joshua grabbed his bags and walked over to Brian. "I gotta go kiddo," he said extending his hand. Brian took a second to glance away from the tv then took Joshua's hand. "Bye," he said simply. "You look after her for me, k?" Joshua nodded his head towards Paige. "I will, don't worry," Brian replied with a sleepy grin. "Good deal," Joshua said shaking his hand and grabbing his bags. He walked to the front door as Paige followed. He pushed her hair back from her face, "I'll call you when I get in..." Both of them turned to look to the tv hearing two specific words...bombing and Paris. They watched the breaking news story without moving. After a couple minutes Paige looked to him, "you flying into Paris?" "Yeah," he said quietly. "Looks like security is gonna be a bitch now." "Sucks to be you," she mused. "I'll call you when I get in. You remember everything I told you. Think about it." "I will," she nodded. Then he leaned in and kissed her, one of those breathtaking kisses he was so capable of giving. She stood quietly when he broke it and he left. She took a breath then refilled her mug with fresh brew. She walked by Brian, "we'll go fishing in a bit if you want." "Okay," he mumbled softly trying to find a channel that wasn't broadcasting the American embassy bombing in France. She reminded herself to check the news later when there would be more details. There was still so much wrong with the world. Still so much that needed to be fixed. She went out to the balcony and resumed her former position with her feet up on the railings. She considered the sun now, rising up into the sky, it looked like a golden dragon's eye peering in on the world. It was so real. Joshua was so real. It wasn't a dream anymore, no longer a notion, or a nightmare, it was real, what was between them. It was real and she could touch it all she wanted to and it wouldn't go away with the morning sun. She was kissing daylight, embracing the sunshine. But her smiled faded as she remembered that the sunlight was always chased by darkness, by the fall of shadows. Light was the fastest thing in all of existence, but everywhere it went, it would always finds that the darkness was there waiting for it. She didn't want darkness to be waiting for her. She didn't ever want the darkness to be near her, or between them, or in them. But it was already there. Inside... an inside that he touched. An inside she let him into so deeply for so long, and he was so dark...she didn't know if any of his darkness had rubbed off on her. Maybe it didn't have to rub off at all. Maybe it just joined it's own likeness. She shivered in the warm sun. Yes, she would think about all he had said, everything he proclaimed, all of his words together and separately. She would think again long and hard. And when she had thought all she could think...she would think some more. Because he was still Joshua, her blue eyed walking contradiction. Contradiction. How else to describe him? He was tenderness wrapped in a blanket of malice, a core of fire encircled by ice, a tiny light in the vast darkness of the world. He was an enigma and he was simple. He was the epitome of danger and he was the safest creature ever to watch over her. He was intangible, untouchable, and he was real. He was all of these, all at once, and never at the same time. And he was beautiful. Even amongst all that ugliness...he was still so beautiful. Every word he said was true, and it cut her, deeply, reaching down to the places where he had cut her so many other times already. That her feelings and emotions were real, that there was another creature that walked the earth that felt like her, another that felt the pain and the pleasure, the passion, that burned in that fire. He had liberated her, and the wounds from the battle bled freely. But he had licked that blood away then placed a bandage over it all so neatly. In a world that never made sense, he had. If nothing else, Joshua had shown her that she's not everything she thought she was. And some things she'd never even consider. Return |
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